Titanic
by Jessica Lauren
Summary: As a vampire, Isabella visits her old friends Jasper and Carlisle. She tells the Cullens of how she lost the only love she had on the ship that was destined to sink. But what if he isn't really dead? *based on the film Titanic 1997 *
1. Dead Beautiful

**Chapter One: Dead Beautiful**

_January 1st 2011  
Pheonix, Arizona_

"Five, six, seven and..."

Pausing, my eyes darted to the reflection. Her arms were high above her head, and held her right leg straight in the air. She was balanced on the very tip of the toes on her left foot, all her weight on those fragile toes. The position she was in should have strained her; she should never have been able to hold such an arrangement for any length of time.

My eyes fell from her. This reflection was mine. The beautiful child in the mirror was me. She was graceful and elegant as she held that uncomfortable stance with such brilliant strength, to the naked me however, no matter what I did, I could never get it perfect. My leg was not straight enough; my toes were not holding me high enough. There was no end to my own personal rehearsals, but this one step was tugging on my last nerve.

The truth was that this particular dance required a partner, and someone should have been holding me up. I was never meant to be balancing on my toes, but at least four feet in the air. Of course, I could not fly so it was next to impossible. I sighed. Inner peace and tranquility was something I found only when I danced. My balance, skill, elegance and posture were all far beyond perfect but my partner dancing could have been much, much better. I had been practicing my dancing ever since I was a human girl, when it was only a childish indulgence.

I vaguely remembered through awful human eyes a beautiful large and spacious room that was the most brilliant bittersweet orange color. The sunlight completely saturated the room from all angles and I remembered twirling into a boy's arms. The room was empty at the time but it was an important room. That memory, as blurry as it seemed, was the only human memory I had left. I did not even know how old I was anymore. I had no concept of time, because time was a human concept, and human I was not.

My patience and inner peace was lost in a moment of irritation. The girl in the mirror was nothing more than a beautiful disaster. I quickly turned the music off and lay down on the floor of my studio. I stared at the bright white lights, seeing every visible and invisible color of the spectrum there. I closed my eyes, and remembered what that dance move looked like with a partner.

My mind searched through old memories and found the right one. It was of my old friend, Jasper Whitlock and he held me in his strong arms for the second that particular dance move lasted. I paused the memory, and found Carlisle Cullen sitting on a chair watching us. We were performing for him. He had a lovely smile on his face, so warm and proud. Unintentionally, a smile played on the corners of my own lips at the thought of my old friends.

I had not seen my friends in such a long time. As I had no concept of time right then and there, I flitted at an inhumane pace from the studio, into the dark night saturated alley. I lived in an apartment on the twelfth floor of the building behind the studio I rented. Climbing the fire escape staircase, I slipped in through the window where the unused kitchen was situated. I was sure I had left my cell phone in there.

I slid up the modern contraption and I felt my eyebrows shoot up for the heavens as my eyes took in the date. January 1st 2011. I shook my head in disbelief. Had it really been so long? Had it really been almost what? Ninety-nine years since I had last seen Jasper and Carlisle?

I gulped the venom flowing freely in my mouth. I did not linger on that thought for too long, in case I came to the conclusion that they may as well be dead. After all, not every vampire in this word had the time to become such a master at evasiveness. Truth be told, I was a coward. I avoided danger like it was a deadly poison, or in my case, a really huge fire. I was scared of death, scared of never being able to wake up. That was why I was made a vampire, so I would never die.

My eyes fell to my hands which were holding the fragile cell phone delicately in their grasp. My skin was old, tired even. Whoever told me vampires never showed any physical signs of aging was a liar. The tight skin that covered my body was slightly brittle and paler than it used to be. I remembered with perfect clarity of when my skin was smooth, like I was made from marble.

I was not sure what I was made from anymore. I looked like an old statue, covered with the wear and tear of time. I was covered in scars, bites and scratches that proved my age. My onion pale skin was still as hard, but it noticeably looked _old_.

I was becoming more conscious of this thought more recently. I was starting to look like Aro Volturi. Ugh. My lips twitched convulsively at the thought of his name.

Self conscious, I pulled on a cardigan that was draped lazily over one of my kitchen chairs. I sat down; my mind too lost in thought to keep my muscles working to stand. I fondled idly with my hair as I wondered about Carlisle.

Where could he be, apart from heaven, that was? I could search the entire world for him; it was not like time was an issue. Unless, he was being hunted by the Volturi too. However, I could plainly remember Aro taking such a fond liking to what was _mine_ and I could not imagine a reason of which the Volturi would even consider killing my Carlisle.

As my mind glazed over the places I had heard Carlisle wanting to live in, none of them seemed right. He would not be in Italy; he felt too distant from human life when he was living with the Volturi.

He would not be in England, as there were far too many ghosts of his past that still haunted him there.

Nowhere seemed right. Not even Chicago. The windy city was not somewhere I imagined Carlisle setting up a permanent residence. I knew him well enough that he would be somewhere small and cloudy. Somewhere completely inconspicuous.

Alaska was the first place that came into my head. I knew for a fact that Tanya was still living there. After all, she was of the _Denali Coven_. She had her residence set up there since she gave up her life playing with human men. She lived with her sisters, Irina and Katrina. They were strong, old vampires too, but not as old as me. Slovakian, if I remembered correctly.

The only vampires, who were close to my age, were the three key members of the Volturi and their wives. They were older than me but not by long, I guessed. When I was living with them, we told each other many human and newborn memories. We made the comparisons and decided that I was only a few centuries younger than Aro.

I knew that my creator was a Romanian vampire because I had known him for centuries before I left him. He told me that Rome was under siege by a Romanian revolt, though there was no such history of a Romanian rebellion before Christ. However, time was not recorded as well back then and neither was history. I lived at a time when Roma was just a kingdom, not an empire.

I realized that my mind had been distracted by memories rather than focusing on finding Carlisle and Jasper. I got to my feet and headed for the closet in the hall. I pulled out the step ladder and climbed up the few steps, to see the shelf and found what I had been seeking.

A telephone directory.

I had no numbers saved in my cell, because I did not know anyone. The only time I talked to another vampire like myself was when a nomad strayed into my territory.

I had claimed Phoenix as my own because it was too sunny for any vampires who wanted to settle here. I only left my home at night to hunt, so I could control the red eyed fiend that resided in my soul. They said that your eyes are windows to the soul. My eyes were crimson, and proved the existence of the beast that conquered my soul.

Did the Denali Coven even use surnames? I did not know. They would have a telephone number though, so I planned on phoning every Tanya, Katrina and Irina in Alaska, if I had too. Perhaps they just used Denali as their surname? _Real inconspicuous,_ I thought and then was very aware of how the American English was rubbing off on me.

I sighed again, something I had a habit of doing for no particular reason. I supposed I could have just called every Cullen in America, but how did I know they were even in America? I could call every Cullen in the world and then have a telephone tab the size of Mars.

I did not have much money at all. I could not work during the day because of the sun, and could not work during the night because physically, I was too young. So I had taken to stealing small amounts of money inconspicuously from those I hunted.

I flipped through the pages, first flipping to the 'Alaska' subsection, then to the letter 'D'. There were a few Denali families in Alaska, of course. When I said a few, I meant, at least three pages. So, I started at the first 'T Denali' and worked my way down the list. I knew Tanya's voice, so if it was not her, I simply put on a Southern accent and asked for the "Meaty Feast" with a side salad and fries.

An hour and half later, after I kicked off my ballet pumps and lounged back onto the kitchen chair, with my legs thrown on the table; I still had no luck. I was on my last 'I Denali' and my last bag of donated blood. I held the phone between my ear and shoulder as I took the bag of blood out of the microwave, cut a hole in it and poured into a warm mug.

I almost laughed at myself. I felt like a human making hot coco. As I sat down and took a sip, someone picked up the phone and said, "Denali residence, Tanya speaking, how can I be of service?"

I knew that voice! I almost dropped my mug in excitement. I set it down on the table.

"Hello Tanya, how are you?" I greeted with a smile on my lips.

I could almost see the confusion on her face. My eyebrows furrowed, just a tiny bit. How could she not remember me? After all, I was not forgettable... was I? Perhaps if even Tanya could not remember me... neither would Carlisle. I did not dwell on that thought for long though.

"Isabella?" Tanya whispered after a long and silent minute. Her voice was like singing; beautiful, serene and a little shocked. Her voice gave my voice self esteem issues.

Diet had an awful lot to do with how vampires were. Basically, animal blood made a vampire more human and not as 'scary' but human blood made a vampire less human and more 'scary'.

My voice was shrill, the way I moved was distinct, catlike maybe and the way I stood too still for too long all added to my lack of humanity.

Unlike Carlisle.

I could remember him with ease. He moved everywhere at a human pace. His voice was calm, peaceful and he was always fidgeting, like a human. Tanya was more or less the same, though it had been longer since I had seen her.

"Yes," I replied, a tiny bit irritated that she had to take a moment to remember me. I did not let it slip into my voice however. I could hear her sharp intake of breath on the other end of the receiver. What was she so shocked about?

"We thought you were dead..." she said, so quietly, I had to strain my ears to hear her words. "Carlisle thought... oh dear..."

My mind did not know what to think of Tanya's words. I knew why they maybe thought that. I took a deep gulp of the blood in the mug before peering behind me. Just in case... No. It had been years. Time to forget about that. The last time I saw him, I had swum ever so quickly away from him that night, and bolted once I hit land and sprinted until the sun was high in the sky.

I knew I lost my sanity, and it took decades to get it back. I sat so still for twenty years, contemplating, after spending thirty in a depressive and angry state. My eyes filmed over, and became milky just like Aro's. I knew that it was just because I sat still too long and collected dust. My eyes would return to normal color eventually.

Well, I hoped so anyway.

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb.

Tanya swallowed. "Carlisle told me when he was here, less than a decade ago, about what happened to you. He looked forever for you, as did Jasper. But you were either moving too fast or staying still for too long in one place, that your scent never lingered anywhere you went. Eventually, they both miserably and mournfully accepted you for the dead. They still believe to this day that you ended your life because of what happened on the..."

Ah. Obviously Carlisle had not told her of my black gift then.

I did not let her finish that sentence, for the sake of my sanity. I swallowed quickly and said, "Tell me where Carlisle and Jasper reside, Tanya. Please, I cannot let them go on believing me for the dead. I just cannot."

"Isabella," she said, almost like she was in pain. "Do you not think it is better for them to think of you dead, and move on with their lives?" She paused, letting me take in the words. Then she continued. "They were so broken by that pain, you would not understand. They are only starting to move on now. You broke them once; I cannot let you do it again."

"Why would I break them again?" I hissed, so frustrated and angry at her honest words. She was so right, but I was a selfish creature. I had spent centuries getting what I wanted, and it was not going to change now. "Just give me the address. How dare you presume to know of what I will and will not do?"

The déjà vu those words gave me, made me so dizzy. I heard her growl the address down the phone to me before saying, "I will not be telling them of your visit. Although, do not be astonished if your trip is not a surprise to them."

She hung up before I could have asked what she meant. I shrugged it off. I never really got along well Tanya or her sisters. We were just a little too different I guess. But most of the dislike I felt towards her was in form of jealousy. I hated the way that she was centuries younger than me and had such control.

Why could the thousand year plus, red eyed beast inside of me just crumble to dust so I could live on animal blood? Why could I not have the control necessary to just live from a coyotes or desert animals? Why could I not be more human?

Who was I kidding?

I had not been human for thousands of years. There was no humanity left inside me. Just a dim memory. Everything human inside me was lost, and the one boy who could have rekindled even a little of that humanity too was lost. A shiver rolled down my spine and I peered behind me again.

_Stop it Bella. _

Sighing once again, I gulped down the mug of now cold blood, feeling a little more inhumane than ever.


	2. Halfway Dead

**Chapter Two: Halfway Dead**

I was stood at the very end of an unfamiliar driveway, about three miles away from a rather large white house. The scent of Carlisle and Jasper was extremely strong around this neck of the woods. There was a distinct green tinge to everything I saw; the mist, the houses and even the sky, but that was probably because there was very little sky to be seen through the many trees.

I regretted not having a car, because then I would have had somewhere to hide and also check my hair. I remembered at that moment I had a compact mirror in my purse. I opened it and pulled out the tiny mirror and peered at my reflection. _Still the same as ever,_ I thought and grinned brightly, practicing my 'Oh goodness, I'm not dead after all!' smile.

I combed my fingers through my hair; brushing out some of the debris it picked up on the run. I wished I could have surprised Carlisle with having golden eyes, but of course, the beast inside would never be happy with _just_ animal blood.

Pulling down my tank top and fixing my low-rise jeans, I straightened my spine and took a deep breath, savoring Carlisle's and Jasper's mangled scents.

I forgot about the climate difference between Forks and Phoenix. I should probably have worn hiking gear or something. It was also the middle of winter, so a thick turtleneck sweater would probably have been a good idea too.

As I inhaled, I caught the scent of other vampires in the house up the long and winding drive but they were most likely the same strange yellow eyed vampires as Carlisle and Jasper were. The only reason Carlisle kept my company was because he was mine. I had made him, such a long time ago, but still I could never forget changing him.

_March 2nd 1666_

_Water covered my entire body, and it smelt of human waste and filth. The taste was even more dreadful than the smell. But I laid in the filth, finally feeling that I was somewhere I belonged. I could taste the disease and feel the vermin rubbing against my skin. I could feel the insects that lived in this vile sewage creep against me. They probably thought I was dead._

_I had been lying there for a few days now, and I was starting to get used to it. I could not say I was enjoying the feel of human excrement but it was something I could have learnt to live with I guessed. Why was I lying in the sewer? Too be perfectly honest, I was not completely sure myself._

_I knew for a fact that I was losing my sanity but I vaguely remembered spending half of the night at a brothel and then, filled to the brim with the drunken blood of the twenty whores and thirty men in the building, wandering intoxicated and then collapsing into the sewer I was now situated in. I was trying to break my record of fifty-nine at once, but there were only fifty in the brothel._

_I had miscalculated._

_I had never felt so content with my existence until I had sucked the very life out of those fifty people. All of that blood just made me so happy, inside out. Every now and again, I'd grin unintentionally and sewage water would fill my mouth and I would have to swallow the putrid liquid. There was no will in me to sit up and spit it out. I was so happy that not even drinking plague infested water could bring me down._

_The dirty water kept me hidden to the naked eye so I could probably spend eternity right there. Well, things had been changing a lot recently. The plague had returned to the unhygienic streets of London, and therefore the king had ordered that the city to become more sanitary. I was not overly happy with that idea. The plague gave an interesting twist to blood. Usually, diseased blood just tasted vile but nowhere near as awful as animal blood._

_I decided then that those three days without blood were just too long, and sat up. I felt a little dizzy and extremely filthy as I picked off the insects and dead rats that covered my naked body. What happened to my clothes? Had the water... dissolved them?_

_If I had been human, I probably would have vomited at least three times by now. I shook my head, disbelieving. I probably had left the brothel naked. That was a more likely possibility. Honestly, I was sure my memory was going. Either that or I had a double personality disorder._

_I got to my feet, almost hitting my head on the top of the narrow brick pipe. I must have been pulled down stream a little, because I vaguely remembered collapsing into one of the open sewers. I found one of the circular drain lids and pushed upward, removing it and then climbing swiftly out. The blood in my muscles made the movements so much easier and fluid._

_I guess I was just being greedy as I decided where I would get blood from that night. Perhaps the workhouse; I had noticed that it was getting busy again. Children tasted better anyway, especially the infants. Extremely young and extremely old blood was the best. I could almost taste the innocence and virginity in young blood, while in old blood I could taste their entire life._

_Tomorrow I would try Bedlam, because the brutal treatment of the lunatics there excited me. What had made me decide to go to the asylum was that it was the first Tuesday of the month tomorrow, according to a newspaper lying at my feet with today's date. On the first Tuesday of the month, entrance into Bedlam was free which was good because I had no money._

_I glanced around me, surveying the scene. My senses were so excellent now that I had so much blood, and it only made me thirsty for more. I suddenly did not care about walking through the streets of London, naked and dirty. Oh well, I was not the only teenage girl who did so._

_I was so caught up in my plans of murder and torture that I did not realize the angry mob of people behind me. It seemed so silly at first, not noticing the screaming, yelling and torches of fire. They even had pitchforks and crosses. I sighed and smiled at them. They had witnessed me use super human strength, speed and grace to climb from the sewers, and now they were ready to kill the demon; the filthy succubus before them._

_It looked like the workhouse was waiting until Wednesday after all. I turned to face them, unaware of my naked body. The heavy clothing women wore these days slowed me down anyway. I was not in the least troubled by the thought of being naked and vulnerable in front of the crowd of... sixty men! Yes! I would finally beat my record after all!_

_I crouched offensively, my lips curling into a threatening smile at the leader of the mob. He was tall, young maybe in his early twenties. His blond hair glowed vividly in the torchlight, and his expression was dancing on the fine line somewhere between terrified and astonishment. He was very attractive, blood I would have liked to taste actually._

_I could smell his fear as he was the closest to me, holding a massive cross in his arms as if that would repel me from taking their lives. The night was very dark, I realized and no one was on the streets apart from these yelling people. I was surprised that a crowd of spectators had not yet formed._

_People loved a good witch hunt, or in my case a good demon hunt. I was no witch. I had yet to meet a witch but did enjoy watching the slaughter of aromatic virgin women. Especially when they drowned them. I would creep into the river or stream where they drowned the so called witch and try and drink as much of their blood as possible. Of course it was difficult because of the water but I enjoyed challenging myself._

_Oh, life was just a game after all._

_Finally the mob lurched forward and my keen senses caught each of their movements. I glided forward, my eyes for the young blond man in front. He still looked so scared but I was not sure if the smell of urine was radiating from him or me, or one of the many men in the mob. He tried to hit me with his cross, and I just laughed, finding it hilarious he could try and challenge me with a piece of old wood._

_I broke the religious symbol in half and before he could react, I was on top of him and he was lying on the ground. He was crying and if I were human I would probably feel pity now. But I was not and I could smell the blood in his veins that I craved so much._

_My teeth bit into the tender flesh of his neck, and he screamed in agony. The other men were too slow; this blond was the fastest. But I felt heat near me and someone yank my hair. I snarled in protest and then realized that my hair was on fire. I roared, glad that I was still too damp to really catch fire. But I needed to extinguish it before it dried up my slimy skin._

_The moment was lost then. Neck after neck was snapped, and snapped again. Each human tasted so different but there was never enough of the nourishing liquid in their bodies. Some tried to run away, but my strong muscles caught up with the men in no time._

_I threw each corpse into the sewer where I had come from, glad I had some company now. There was no better company for the dead than the dead. I threw the last one in my hole and then caught a glimpse of one just rolling into someone's cellar. I threw the lid back on the drain and followed him._

_The cellar was dark and smelt of rotting food, but was no worse than what I smelt of. The air was warm, humid and I found that the human had managed to cover himself in a pile of rotting potatoes. I realized then that this was the potato pantry for the restaurant above us. The potatoes were in two piles, fresh and rotten. They would probably get rid of the rotten ones when the fresh ones ran out, which would probably not be for a while yet, judging from the size of the fresh pile._

_I walked over to the man and uncovered his face. His eyes were closed and his face was flushed red. It was the blond man I had tried to attack first, the blood I had wanted the most. I sighed then. His blood was now tainted with my venom, deeming it undrinkable._

_Oh well, what was done was done and what was lost was lost._

_I kissed his parted lips with bloody lips, but he did not notice. He was trying so hard not to scream. Little whimpers escaped his throat every minute or two, but that was it. I wondered how he did it. I was thrashing for nearly four days when I was changed. I smiled and stroked his hair with my dirty hand. I hoped he survived. This pretty man was mine now. All mine._

_I covered his face with the potatoes again before leaving, planning to return to my sewer and spend the night with my dead friends. I would clean myself up in time to welcome my child to this life. I liked that thought. I liked the thought that he was mine. I grinned, and hopped back into my hole where I belonged._

I was still glad that Carlisle could not remember much of his last moments as a human, because if he could, he probably would never forgive me. I never told him that I had slaughtered fifty nine people at once, because he would be so disappointed in me. I would never tell him that my record today was one hundred and two.

My humanity was completely gone back then, but now I was pretending that there was a ghost of human inside me. I hunted every week and stole donated blood from the Phoenix blood bank to do me the rest of the week.

Donated blood was not as good as the fresh, but still, it satiated the thirst. I could probably still live in a sewer with the people I killed. I did not care much for hygiene as it did not affect me, and me was all I cared about. If I had learnt anything in my over two thousand years, it was that I could never trust anyone but myself.

People were too fragile to care for and they died in the end anyway, so there was little point in caring for them. Vampires did not deserve trust because they could twist it and break it until all one wanted to do was set themselves alight. Vampires were too selfish to care for with the only exception of Jasper and Carlisle.

Trust me.

Still standing in the driveway, about two hours after I had arrived and still staring at myself in the mirror, I cracked my knuckles and placed the little compact back in my purse. I began to walk up the steadily lightening drive, the night beginning to lighten with dawn approaching. I paused for a moment longer and ran with all my might.

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, and I could have ran faster if I had not ran from Phoenix. I needed to hunt. I paused again when I was only feet away from the steps leading to the house. I could not bring myself to knock on the door. I was terrified of seeing my friends again. I was scared in regarding to how they would react. After all, they did think I was dead.

I stood there, thinking of what I would say.

'_Dearest Carlisle and Jasper, how have you been all of these long years? I have been doing...'_

What have I been doing?

'_Nothing really, just being the deranged and psychopathic vampire I have always been. I have not spoken with any civilized vampires since I left you both. I have no friends anymore, and I had to look up a telephone directory, you know, to find Tanya's number so I could get your address. I'm sorry I let you think I was dead, by the way. However, as you can see by my milky eyes that I have not moved for decades. I hope you can forgive me._'

That sounded like an awful apology. Besides, why the hell would I have to apologize for them thinking I was dead? I mean, they were the ones who made the assumption so why should I have to apologize for it? With that thought, I walked right up to the front door, and almost spun on my heel to run back down the drive again.

The almost overwhelming urge to turn back was extremely powerful, but not as strong as the wanting in me to see Carlisle and Jasper again. I tapped the door very lightly, hoping hopelessly that the vampires I sensed on the other side of the door mistook it as the wind rattling the knocker a little.

Three sixths of a second later, a rather large and muscular man opened the door, looking kind of suspicious. His eyes narrowed and he scrutinized me head to toe before saying anything.

"Hello," he greeted, almost grudgingly, "how can I help you?"

The way he held the door open did not allow me to see anyone inside, because of his large and oversized body. My eyebrows furrowed. Did Tanya not say that I was not to be astonished if they knew of my presence before I had even come? The man before me saw my confusion and he smiled, just a little.

"Yellow eyes." He nodded once, proud like he was holding the Nobel Peace Prize. "Nomads like you don't really understand y'know."

I shook my head. "That's not it. It is just... Oh it does not matter. I am here to see my old friends. Do they reside here with you?"

The huge man scrutinized me again before turning his head to glance at the vampires, I guessed, that were hidden from my view behind him. He muttered something I did not quite catch before he turned to me again. "I'm sorry. None of us recognize you, and you're scaring Alice. So I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you leave."

I felt my lips twitch in frustration. "Who is Alice? Why do I scare her?"

The man just shook his head. "Let it go."

"Please," I very almost begged. "Just go in and tell Jasper and Carlisle that _Bella_ is here to see them."

Suddenly from upstairs, the third floor maybe, I heard two sets of whispering before the sound of feet moving, fast. My stomach was doing somersaults as I listened to this. They had heard me say my name and now they understood that I was not just some nomad passing through. The feet moved at an inhuman speed down the first flight of stairs, and I could hear their voices arguing quietly on who would get here first.

Before I could even comprehend - due to my lack of blood - the man in front of me had been pushed away and I was not on my feet anymore. His arms were wrapped so tightly around my waist as he twirled me around and round. I felt like crying. It was that strange feeling I got in my throat when I was overly happy or sad, but tears never formed in my eyes.

"Oh, Bella! It has been too long!" His honey smooth Texan voice was music to my ears. I only realized then that I had felt very deaf until I had heard him speak again. He set me down to look at me, to look at my old skin and milky eyes. He just shook his head slightly in disbelief, his lips curved into a crooked smile. He touched my hair gently, removing a leaf that I forgot to get rid of. "I cannot believe you let us think you were dead!"

I smiled weakly. "I apologize, dear Jasper. Where is Carlisle?"

"I am but here, little Bella."

Of course, he was behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His head face was buried in my curls. I could feel his breathing against my scalp and I just grinned. We stood like that for maybe a few minutes, before I heard his clan starting to murmur suspicious things.

He lifted his head and turned me around to face him. He stroked my hair as I took in his wonderful face after so long. I could still see that pretty young man behind that vampire beauty. His immortality had been an accident, but it was an accident that I did not regret.

I loved Carlisle, with all my heart and all my soul. I loved him the way a mother would love their son and a wife would love her husband. It was strange love, I'll admit, but Carlisle and I were not right for each other. He deserved someone physically older than I. He was a family man and he needed a wife who would be a mother.

"I forgot how little you really were." He pressed his lips against my forehead and held me for a long moment. I finally felt at home here.

I realized then that four pairs of confounded golden eyes were staring at our little reunion through the front door. The big man who had answered the door was sitting on the sofa next to the most beautiful blonde woman I had ever seen. He was stroking her long golden hair, in an almost possessive manner.

I could tell that he was ready to spring at any moment, to protect his coven. Well, it did not really seem like a coven to me. More of a family. Yes, he was ready to protect his family.

Carlisle and Jasper let me go then. Carlisle walked back inside, both Jasper and I following him. He spoke to his family. "We apologize for not explaining sooner. This is Isabella," he glanced at me and smiled warmly. "She is my creator."

The murmurs that came from the small audience made me feel a little embarrassed. Words like 'old' and 'really' flew about the place and made me feel self conscious. Yes, I knew that I was _really old_ and it was quite obvious just by looking at me, but...

Jasper glanced at me but I could not hold his gaze. Changing Jasper was not an accident. There was a time in both mine and Carlisle's immortal lives where we drifted apart for a decade or so. I wanted to go to South America so I could claim some territory so Carlisle and I could set up a permanent residence, without having to have problems with nomads and population problems.

But Carlisle had already developed a conscience of his own, and was surviving purely on animal blood and also the Volturi were not ready to give him back to me yet. So I went to South America and made myself an army to fight for Mexico.

Unfortunately, Jasper was one of those newborns I had turned purely to fight and kill after a year. However, the Volturi came to Mexico which caused a lot of the army leaders to run. I took the still newborn Jasper with me for protection. We returned to Europe, where we found Carlisle. I had never felt inclined to kill Jasper.

I think after depending on him for security whilst on the run was enough to persuade me not to end his life. I guess during that time I learned to love him. Neither Jasper nor I have ever told Carlisle about _that_ past. The lie we used was that Jasper was changed by a southern vampire called Maria, and that he ran away from her before I found him wandering.

"Why can't I _see_ her?" the tiny black haired girl hissed. She was sitting on the floor, the back of her head resting on the knees of a young caramel haired woman. She glared at me through narrowed eyes.

"Bella," Jasper said in an explanatory tone. "Alice has the ability to see the future and she wants to know why she cannot see your future. You scared her when you showed up a few hours ago, and were lurking in our drive. Of course, we took no notice of it as nomads wander through here from time to time and do lurk in our drive as they cannot decide to keep moving or stop for a few hours to clean up and socialize."

"Oh," I nodded once, understanding. I smiled at Alice. "Can you see me now?"

Alice closed her eyes and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She opened them again. "Yes... How can you do that?"

"When I was a part of the Volturi Guard, I was in the 'shield' category. Over the past two millennia or so, I have learnt more of my shield than before. It has three layers. The first layer is tight around my mind and does not move with ease. It keeps me safe from mental attacks, such as Jane Volturi's burning impression. The second layer is movable and keeps me safe from physical attacks, such as close combat or even gifts that work outside the mind, like Jasper's mood control or your sight. The third layer is similar to the first and moves with extreme ease. It protects anyone else from mental attacks, if I cover them with it. When I asked if you could see me, I simply 'turned off' the physical shield."

Alice looked interested. "You can turn your shields off?"

I nodded with a smile on my face. "Sure. I don't turn them off often though because I'm being hunted."

"Hunted?"

"I am endangering your lives, just by being here. As the oldest vampire in existence, apart from the Volturi, I am viewed as a threat because I have lived too long. I am on Demetri's hunting list, just after Stefan and Vladimir of the Romanian coven. Once they are dead, it is my turn to die. The Volturi feel threatened by powerful vampires almost as old as themselves. To them, I fit that description perfectly."

Carlisle and Jasper already knew this of course, and were not as surprised as the rest of their family.

I grinned at them. "No worries however. My shield keeps me protected. And it is very nice to meet you all, of course. I will not intrude long." I turned to Jasper and Carlisle. "I have just come to clear up the suspicion of my death. I will take my leave whenever you wish."

Carlisle was already shaking his head before I had finished my sentence. "You do not have to leave, Bella. You can stay forever, if you wish."

Alice grinned, seeming so much happier that she could see me in the future now. She danced forward and grabbed Jasper's arm. "We will clear out a room for you to dance in! You must get Jasper dancing again! I love dancing!"

She was so enthusiastic. I guessed she had used her future sight to see that dancing was my hobby. "That is not necessary..." I murmured, but she shook her head exuberantly and turned to Jasper.

"Come on, love. Time to fetch Mr Antisocial help us clear out the spare room," she said, before they both glided up the stairs.

I turned back to Carlisle and said with confusion, "Mr Antisocial?"

It was probably another one of his 'family'. How many vampires had he made? I counted. One - the stunning blonde that made me feel self conscious; two - the really huge bodybuilder that I felt tiny compared to; three - Alice; four - the motherly looking brunette that sat smiling warmly at me, which scared me just a little; and five - Mr Antisocial that I had yet to meet. I was going to have to figure out their names.

I wondered if loneliness got the better of Carlisle once he entered the New World alone with Jasper. I guessed that he had saved all of these young people from death, because I knew he would not give this life to anyone who had another choice.

Carlisle suddenly became very stiff and his expression was hard. "You'll see."


	3. All Together Dead

**Chapter Three: All Together Dead**

Beautiful.

That was the only word that my mind could conjure up to describe such a beautiful home. The rooms were so white and the house itself was open plan, not something I would not have been keen on living in. My tastes differed from those of Carlisle's but this house really was something. I preferred dark, close maybe even cryptic places. The dark fascinated me, while the day was just time to hide. I had no humanity left to really appreciate the daytime.

As I walked past one of the large windows, my skin glittered faintly in the white light shining from outside. It was snowing now, and it was settling on the ground. I kept my eyes on Carlisle, and his wife who he had introduced to me as Esme. She was a beautiful woman, who was physically older than Carlisle but she suited him. She was a mother at heart; I could see that from the way she carried herself. Carlisle was never really as young as he looked, even when he was only a newborn. I guessed when he was human that he was forced to grow up by his father, so he could take over demon hunting from him.

They sparkled at the exact same moment I did. I watched them, so unaffected by it. I had been sparkling for so much longer than both of them put together, and yet I could never get used to the way my skin dealt with the light. I sighed. Whatever caused our skin to do sparkle just proved that we were dead all together.

Carlisle had shown me all of his memories, in the form of art on the walls of the hallways as he and Esme guided me to my room for the duration of my stay. There was a frame of graduation caps, a memory of all of the times his _children_ had graduated high school. I shook my head just a tiny bit as I brushed my fingers across the different textures of material. Some were finer than others; proof that Carlisle had paid goodness knows how much to get his _children_ into the best schools around.

It was hard to believe that I was not his only child anymore, and my lips tightened into a hard line at that thought. I had known Carlisle for years, and we had searched the world together, seeking fulfillment in life. There were hints of jealousy starting to form inside me, just then. Jealous because I was not an only child anymore, that he had found his fulfillment in life before me and that he found it without me. He was supposed to _need_ me. I was his creator, his mother in a way. I supposed that every child grows up and has to fly away from the nest. I hated that. I hated that Carlisle had no need for me anymore. Neither did Jasper. He had Alice now.

Esme and Carlisle continued walking – hand in hand – in front of me as I stopped. We had reached the end of the hall on the second floor, and neither of them noticed that I had paused. I stared at the large wooden cross mounted to the wall, the dark patina contrasting finely with the lighter tone of the paint. I raised my hand; one finger extended, and stroked the piece of ancient wood delicately. It felt silky, just like I remembered it. I smiled and touched the almost invisible crack down the middle, where I had broken it.

The sound of footsteps had stopped, and I could feel two pairs of eyes boring into me. I heard Carlisle chuckle as I turned to grin brightly at him. He returned my grin with a smile. I said, "I cannot believe you still have this! And it is not even broken anymore? However did you mend it?"

Carlisle was by my side instantly, his wife left abandoned at the end of hallway. He took my hand in his and touched a little curl had fallen in front of my forehead with his other hand. "I cannot believe I tried to kill you with that, dearest Bella. Someone I know mends broken antiques. He is very good." His thumb swept over the ring on my finger. "We'll take this to get this fixed. I suppose Rosalie has gemstones she does not need, so I suppose we could get them cut and placed back into the ring… That ring was so very sturdy as well. I suppose water is very unpredictable."

My hand slid out of his, unable to speak to him about the ring on my hand. I could not talk about it, or the man who had slid it onto my finger for that matter.

A smile slid across my face. "The sea stole a few diamonds from me but in return," I paused briefly and pulled a large jewelry box from my purse, "I swindled his heart."

I opened the box and Carlisle grinned, his face lighting up like the sun. He was so beautiful when he smiled like that. Like a little boy at Christmas, where his parents had gotten him the very thing he wanted and the very thing he was sure they would not get him. Inside the box was a beautiful blue diamond, shaped almost like a heart. For a diamond it was huge and heavy for a piece of jewelry. Around the very edges of the diamond, there was a silver fringe of platinum and a little hole where the thin but sturdy sapphire and diamond studded chain looped through. Both Carlisle and I knew I had not stolen this piece of fine jewelry from the sea but it was a private joke nonetheless.

"This is my 'I'm sorry I let you think I was dead' present. I hope you like it," I said and handed it to him. Of course, I did not expect him to wear the thing, but he could give to one of his family. There was little point in me keeping it because I had been close to selling it a few dozen times in order to pay the rent for my studio. Items like that necklace did not really belong in a pawn shop.

He held the box loosely in his grasp, unable to come to words. He would not give it back, because he knew every memory from back then – physical or mental – affected me in ways he need not imagine.

We continued to walk down the hall, talking of little, every day things. I missed that. I hated long and serious discussions and pointless small talk. I could talk to Carlisle about everything and anything. He was a doctor in the town's hospital and I was shocked that we were even in a town. The scent of human this far north was strongly diluted by the scent of trees and plant life. I would know because I spent most of my time in large cities hunting down human life; strangers, people that wouldn't be missed.

I thought Forks was just the name of this part of thick forest. Apparently not. There was a high school, which all of the adopted children in this family had finished and they were now all allegedly in college so they could no longer go out in public during the semester. They were thinking about moving again soon as well. I knew how that felt, to move around in fear that people were going to realize that you were not aging. I hated never being able to settle anywhere.

Someday, I was just going to live in the forest and just stay there, for the rest of my forever. I would settle down there and just hunt the natives. If push came to shove, then I would hunt animals, like Carlisle. I liked that idea. I decided then that when I was finished my visit in Forks, I would start researching forests to live in. Not one in America though. Maybe Australia. I had not been to Australia in the longest of times.

After climbing the next staircase onto the third floor, we paused outside the first room. Carlisle looked at the door pointedly and said, "This will be your room for the duration of your stay. Alice and Jasper are in there at the minute, fixing it up for you." He stopped for a second and froze, just like he had when I had mentioned Mr. Antisocial earlier. He quickly melted however and continued. "We will be hunting this morning, if you would care to join us and then go your own way, we would be delighted."

Translation: _'We are going to keep an eye on you because we cannot let you hunt down the poor insignificant humans in this area. We are going to make sure we get you far away enough before we let you eat anyone._'

I grinned brightly, keeping my gloomy translations out of my expression. "Of course."

He nodded. "We leave at nine."

And with those words, he and his wife were gone. I sighed. What had I done? I could see it in his eyes, the pain there when he looked at me. The pain he felt when he looked at me and saw what he could have had. I was never easy on him. I threw myself at him like the filthy little succubus I was. Together we were dead. From the moment he woke up, I was there. Clean from bathing in some dead man's house.

_March 6__th__ 1666_

_My curls brushed his face, still shiny and thriving with health from all of the blood I had consumed in the past few days. I was still so full. I gazed at him through my red eyes, wondering when he would wake up. It had been almost four days now, and I had visited him every day watching him change and never scream. His blond hair was matted and dirty, and he smelt so horrible because of the rotting food that surrounded him. _

_My nose was just touching his; I was just so fascinated by his transformation. I never had a companion before. I would make him mine. He would be new and naïve. I would shape and mould him like clay in my all too capable hands. He would be exactly what I wanted to wander this world with. He would be mine forever and ever. _

_His eyelids fluttered, just the tiniest bit. I bit down on my lower lip, hopeful that this was it. I hoped that he would awaken now. I wanted him, more than anything, even blood. My nights had so far consisted of blood and pitiful sex with human males, which usually just ended in their pelvis shattering. I needed this man now. I needed his new vampire strength and anger and lust. I needed him, like humans needed air and vampires needed blood._

_This religious man would serve me before any god now. _

_He was my immortal. My child. Even if he was an accident, I would care for him as if he was not. I grinned at him the moment his blood red eyes opened, and he just stared back at me, so confused. His eyes darted endlessly but the moment I straddled his lap, those eyes were on me again. His lips curled over his teeth and he snarled at me, and that animalistic noise confused him. I just grinned darkly at that smile, not saying a word to him. Actions were louder than words, after all._

_I arched my back and crushed my lips against his but he did not react at first. It was when I grinded my hips against his manhood, he finally understood. Almost gladly, he kissed me back with a passion fervently similar to my own. I felt his hands in my hair, stroking and pulling hard on my curls. He was thriving with his own blood still and probably had urges no human would ever feel. I wanted to feel those urges too._

_I wanted him to hit me, bite me and take me so hard, my screams would mark his memories for the rest of forever. _

_His teeth clamped on my lower lip, hoping for blood that his new mind craved. Of course, I was completely full of blood but none of it he could access. My skin was too hard but his venom stung where he had bitten my lip. I hissed in pain but he was completely ignorant as I surrendered myself to him. He was not human anymore._

I opened the door and my eyes adjusted to the extremely bright dawn that shone through the window. Alice and Jasper were mounting a massive mirror onto the wall opposite. But there was someone else too. He was holding the far end of the mirror while Jasper held the other end. Alice was standing in front a few paces a way, scrutinizing whether the mirror was straight or not. Alice smiled at me briefly before turning her attention back to the mirror.

That was when I saw him.

And good Lord, it hurt.

I felt myself tear and rip and shred into pieces as my piercing red eyes took in his honey gold ones. I wanted to fall on the floor and curl into the tiny ball I could feel my insides shrinking into. My open purse fell to the floor, and everything inside spilled out. The CD, the cell phone and the journal. The cell and the CD were not what I was worried about. The journal however, was something extremely private. The book was damaged, the spine bent and over all, it was very old. Taking all these factors into consideration, it was easy to conclude that the journal would fall open on the page I had opened the most.

That journal could probably have ended up in a museum if I showed it to any human. It contained accounts from different parts of my life. The language changed throughout it; I usually just wrote in what language I was communicating in at the time. There pieces of parchment and paper poking out, accounts and letters from when notebooks did not exist. That notebook I had purchased around the time I made Carlisle. However, I had to get it restored at one point, due to water damage. The pages were full so I could no longer write or sketch in it anymore, sadly. I kept meaning to buy another notebook, but none seemed special enough to me. I could have always tried to get a replica made of the one I had, but that one could never be replaced.

The truth was that I liked to read over the events that happened in my life. My vampire mind was not large enough to keep account of every detail in my life and some things I never wanted to forget, so I wrote them down to the tiniest detail or sketched them.

All of those loose pages splayed across the floor and I could read the hieroglyphics from where I stood, despite the page had slid to the other end of the room. But my mind was not on the book or pages, but on the man who held up the other side of the mirror. His eyes were on me, scrutinizing.

"_Edward,_" I gasped. I would know that sweet face anywhere. Those careful eyes, sharp nose that wrinkled delicately when he was confused, shallow lines just above his brow that had formed because he raised his eyebrow too much, thin soft and curious lips that kissed every inch of my body and that angular curve of his jaw. His hair, oh his hair… bronze, curly and spiky at the same time. Never brushed or combed, except once and his hands were sticky with pomade. He could never leave his hair alone; his hands were always brushing through those messy locks. It never looked the same twice. My eyes moved down him, recognizing every curve and angle. My darling. _Mon chéri__._

But he was not the same. Cold, hard and impossibly beautiful. I recognized his face, but it took a moment to find him under that vampire beauty. He still had those little lines around his eyes, proof that he was once happy; smiling so much that the skin around his eyes sagged. And then it hit me, like a thousand fire arrows. _He was here_. It was impossible. He couldn't be… I left him to… No, they wouldn't. Not Carlisle… Not to me! Me, their creator!

"Yes," the red haired man said with a small, polite smile. Then his expression contorted into confusion. "Don't I know you?"

His eyes were confounded as he tried to place me in his memories. Did he forget? Or was it too long ago for him to remember? Human memories were not easy to remember; I knew that fact extremely well.

I stared at him, pretty sure that my eyes were as hard as glass. "No," I replied, my voice as hard as my eyes. I was scared I was going to crack down the middle. I had lived a half life ever since I let him go. I swear, I did not want to. It was just…

"I'm sorry… I-You just look very familiar." He looked around the room, glancing at Alice and Jasper. They were as confused as him. I could read the question in Alice's expression, and the 'Oh shit, I'm screwed' look in Jasper's eyes.

Suddenly, vampire Edward was in front of me, offering my journal to me. He had picked the scattered pages and held them in other hand. He was being polite, a gentleman. My Edward, a gentleman above all others. I near laughed, but my lips would not budge a fraction. "You dropped this." He smiled and his eyes wandered down to the page that it had opened at.

Oh dear Lord.

He let out a hiss and it was enough for Jasper to drop the mirror. It smashed it into a thousand glittering shards. They flew through the air, touching our diamond hard skin but not damaging. If we were human, we would have been hacked. But we were not. The shards felt like caresses against my skin. At that moment, no one cared about the glass. Alice gasped, but as my eyes darted to her, I realized it was not because of the broken mirror.

She saw something in the future. She saw the story that I would have to tell, right now. Edward's head snapped to her, his expression intent… almost like he was listening… Oh dear lord. He could not… could he? He was always so curious, wondering what everyone was thinking of and he was pretty good at reading their expressions too. Perhaps Alice could not see that far because I had yet to decide how I was going to tell the story. I hoped she could not see much. The present me wanted to tell Edward the story; I did not want him to hear it second hand from the future me.

Carlisle, Esme, the stunning blonde -who I guessed was Rosalie- and the big man were suddenly all in the room, alarmed by the clashing of glass. Everyone was here now, and Alice could see what was going to happen. The damned book had fallen open on a sketch I had drawn, once upon a time. A little smudged and the page was creased because of water but still, the face was recognizable. I could still see that face in his Edward's. That sketch was his human face. I did not have any paints with me on the ship, so I could not give him beautiful human color and I wished then that I had. Scribbled in my scrawl at the bottom right of the page, it said, 'Edward Anthony Masen: Wednesday June 20th 1894 – Wednesday 14th April 1912'. He pulled his arm back, looking at the picture the right way round. His lips twitched as he flicked through the book, most of it thankfully not in English. I wondered if Carlisle had yet to teach him the many languages my journal was written in.

By the expression on his face, he could only skim through the extracts I had written in 1912. The journal ended after that.

"What is this?" he growled, voice low and menacing.

I glared at him. "None of your business!" I snatched the book from his grasp and shoved it back in my purse, along with the CD and phone. "I have not come here to reminisce in regarding to past events! However!" I turned at glared at Carlisle, who quickly positioned himself around his wife so he was ready to fall into a defensive crouch if need be. My eyes darted to Jasper afterward, who was standing in front Alice in the same manner. "How dare you both do this to me? How has _he_ lived so long?"

Edward snarled because of my words, however the animalistic noise was not directed at me, but at Carlisle. All of the men in the room had fallen into threatening crouches. Jasper and Emmett were flanking Carlisle, prepared to pounce on Edward if he attacked. What was happening? Edward did not recognize me. Ninety-nine years was a very long time, for younger vampires anyway. Jasper and Carlisle did not tell Edward about me or his human life, apparently. I suppose that was best. But still, why was he here? It was so surreal… I remembered warm water, a violent shudder and being so content, that I thought I was floating. I thought about it.

What happened in those four days?


	4. Dead Man's Dance

_**Author's note:** Heya! This is probably my third time rewriting this story but I actually have a plan this time, so I know where I'm going. Thanks to everyone who has either added this story to their alerts or favourites! You have no idea how much it means to me! The next few chapters are already written by the way. So if you want more, please, please review!_

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**oOo**

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**Chapter Four: Dead Man's Dance**

_Cherbourg, France  
10__th__ April 1912_

"_Bonjour mademoiselle, ça va?"_

Another flirt. There were too many of them in France. I reckoned that was why we were leaving. He was getting jealous. His wife was what all those French boys' eyes lingered on, wondering if I was available to be courted. I never wore the wedding band on my finger because it had too many religious symbolisms. I was not married to him in the eyes of God, or any other divine being for that matter. Perhaps under Satan I was married. In the eyes of the evil, Satan would be a divine being. Of course, if we were leaving France simply because of his paranoia that I would leave him for a soft, supple and delicious human Frenchman, then I wondered why I married someone who barely knew me at all. I was tied to him because he could kill me so easily. I was clay in his all too capable hands.

"_Va te faire foutre, je suis mariée_," I muttered, feeling inconsiderably selfish and rude. The poor flirting French boy wrinkled his nose at me in disgust and waved an odd two fingered hand gesture in front of my face. I just grinned brightly at him as he moved along the busy docks. I suppose he did not deserve my swearing but I was really getting irritated with the flirting and the blunt questions.

Par exemple: "_Voulez-vous coucher avec moi_?"

If the world continued to become anymore blunt and minimal, I swore then and there that I would find a way to Mars. It seemed like a much more hospitable and easier life up there, on my own. No more awkward flirts, bloodlust or temptation. I could finally have the eternal peace I wanted. I shook my head at my inward thoughts. I was being silly. Eternal peace was the only thing I craved and I wanted more than anything to finally end my endless life. My attempts at suicide so far had failed.

Carlisle had proven a long time ago that jumping from a high cliff to rocky bottoms did not work. Waiting for wild animals to tear me to shreds also failed, as they were more scared of me than I was of them. So my thoughts had moved onto something more human. Man-made ship rudders ought to do the trick. They spun so fast and the size of the propellers on the ship before me was incredible. They ought to do more damage than the train disaster. Instead of the sheer force the train exerted on my body tearing me to pieces, the absolute preternatural resistance of my body completely shattered the train and the humans inside. Unfortunately, my bloodlust got the better of me that time because blood was spilt.

Oh well. If I really became desperate, I was sure that the Volturi would be more than happy to rip me apart and dance around the fire where they would burn me. As much as I wanted to die, I really was not going to give the Volturi that satisfaction.

"What are you thinking?" My husband asked me, curious to know my thoughts. My eyes were on the massive ship in front of me, and he probably thought that I was thinking some incomprehensible babble he took for granted that all women usually thought when they were awestruck. He was such a sexist, chauvinist, self absorbed pig.

However, just to make him feel like the master of the world he already thought he was, I replied, "Ughnaah."

Or something along those lines. It was a noise perhaps only grunted during sex, or drinking blood.

He smirked and nodded once; delighted that he had figured out my wonderfully uncomplicated feminine mind. If he were human, I would have had my scrawny little girl hands around his damned neck by now. However, because I was a beautiful immortal vampire, the fact that I had not ripped his throat out still remained a mystery to both Carlisle and Jasper.

I viewed James as a test. I had never fallen in love before and was trying to force myself to. Well, I believed I had not. I admired Jasper and we shared a sort of strange bond. Carlisle on the other hand, well, I had thrown myself at him many times. He failed to catch me. To him, I was still a little girl who was far too young to be changed into a vampire. He believed that he was my father-figure and he would never touch me in the way my heart yearned for because of that. Of course, sometimes he let his guard slip. He thought of me as a test God had put for him and that he had to resist me; similar to the way Jesus had resisted the devil for forty days and forty nights in the desert. However, I believed in no God or Satan. If he thought of me as a demon, I did not care. I would simply continue to try and make him love me until the end of time itself.

I shrugged. "It looks no different from the Mauritania," I mumbled. "Why can we not simply swim to New York? We could be there by Monday, not Wednesday!"

James shook his head, annoyed that I had finally come to comprehendible words. Why did he think that women were so damned stupid anyway? I thought about it for about half a second. There was no logical explanation. He was just a man with absolutely no respect for the _'weaker'_ sex. The thought made me feel morose but only for the other half of that second. James was James, and I was just going to have to accept it. I loved him, after all. Maybe.

"Oh Bella, you are so blatantly naïve. However do you live with yourself?" he laughed at his own mockery of me but I just ignored him, surveying the docks for Carlisle and Jasper. They had left me with James and his manservant Laurent while they found someone to put our luggage into our staterooms. I wanted to go with them but I was a lady and ladies do not handle anything heavier than a teaspoon. So I was stuck with my husband and his slave for the time being. After his melodramatic pause and sigh, he continued. "Titanic is so much larger than the Mauritania and much more luxurious. We are taking this ship for appearances sake only, darling. You do love flaunting yourself, don't you?"

I rolled my eyes. Appearances, appearances. I hated being flaunted around like a brand new doll but James loved the attention. He loved people – men especially – eyeing me as I walked by. He could slowly torture them afterward, saying things like, 'Do you want her?' or 'Do you want to feel her tight, wet…'

Ugh. I was not even going to finish that thought. If only vampires could vomit to get rid of uncomfortable stomach pains.

I was all curls and eyelashes, with lots of dresses and hats and gloves and make up. The most spoilt child in all of France. The most beautiful girl in all of France. People were so easily distracted, but not in the same sense as vampires were. Humans were distracted by shiny objects, beautiful people and nudity. Vampires were distracted by blood. Humans were just so easy. Everything about a vampire lured them in. If I stood out in the sunshine naked, a human would come running to me like I was a god because I fit exactly what distracted them. That was what I had learnt over my extended period of life about my prey.

"Appearances, James. Whenever have you been interested in what your food thinks of you?"

I turned around and grinned at Jasper. His velvet smooth Texan drawl slid in as gently as a caress through one ear before gliding swiftly out the other. Sometimes I could simply not understand him when he spoke because the sound of his voice was just so beautiful and relaxing. I could honestly just cuddle up against him and listen to him speak for the rest of forever. It would be like dreaming. I guessed that the sheer beauty of his voice and the calming effect of it came from his utterly wonderful gift. He could feel and influence the emotions around him. Honestly, it was so wonderful the first time I kissed him. The bliss I felt was only doubled because I could feel it radiating out of him, and I could imagine that he could feel my bliss too. It made me happy, knowing that he enjoyed kissing me as much as I enjoyed kissing him.

I thought then that perhaps I should give Carlisle a break. Maybe Jasper would be easier to make love me the way I wanted for the rest of forever. I did make him after all. He was mine.

James, however, was not mine. I had known him for a long time, longer than I had known Carlisle. I stumbled across him one day, when I was wrecking havoc on a village just north of London. He smelt the blood and came for his share. We destroyed that village together, but he had only started travelling with us recently. He had asked me to marry him only a decade ago and rather stupidly, I said yes. I was afraid that I would be alone, romantically, for the rest of forever. I did not want to be chasing after two men that would not look at me twice forever. I would much rather chase them behind the scenes, but while on stage, James was my mate.

"Whenever have you been interested in me being interested in what my food thinks of me?" James retorted, his stare the poster for the quote 'if looks could kill'. "Without a doubt, Mr. Whitlock, if you were human as of right now, you would be very much dead."

Translation: '_What the fuck Jasper! You are making me look like a damned idiot in front my girl! Christ, the way you look at Bella makes me want to eat you!'_

I swear James just got lusty from watching other men's lust filled stares in my direction. I honestly would not be surprised right now if he turned to me right now and admitted that he was homosexual. Honestly, I would not.

Jasper wrapped his arm around my waist, leading me away from my husband and his peon. It was almost like he could read my mind. I wondered then if he had another gift too. I doubted it. He could read my emotions, and sense the utter dislike I felt towards James. I was glad he was leading me away. James should have been too. I could hear him, rambling onto Laurent about a gift he had bought me for our anniversary. Another trinket. I sighed. I had so much jewelry. I practically had enough crystals that I could cover up my whole body in them and step out into the sunlight. People would just think of me as a fool for wearing so much ostentatious jewelry.

I fixed my hat as we waited in the line of first class people, and I began idly picking what I wanted to eat; similar to the way of picking from a menu presented to you. Of course, James would probably have my throat for eating from first class so I would probably end up going down under to eat from third, or maybe even second class. The third class passengers would not be as easy to trace as those from first class…

"Oh do stop it, Bella," Jasper chuckled and swatted my hat from my head. I scowled at him as I grabbed it at an unnatural speed and shoved it back on my head. "You are making me thirsty."

I laughed lightly. "Well unfortunately this ship is lacking in rats." I paused and gasped in mock horror, covering my mouth with my gloved hand. "You and Carlisle might even have to share!"

Jasper's small, effortless smile contorted into a hard line at my words. Neither he nor Carlisle had any sense of humor when it came to blood related jokes. James and I preferred human blood to animal blood, but that was probably the only thing we had in common. I wondered then where Carlisle was. He was probably still in our stateroom sorting out what we needed out and what should stay packed. Jasper must have only disembarked from the ship to get James, Laurent and I.

"Come, come Bella Ballerina," Jasper whispered into my ear and nudged me forward. "A new world awaits us."

* * *

"This is the private promenade deck you requested sir," the servant explained to James and gestured around the spacious room. "Will you be requiring anything?"

James shook his head, his eyes trying to defocus from the pulsing blood vessel visible in his neck due to the servant's collar being too tight. The crew were completely off limits. They were far too conspicuous. Even James agreed. He gestured for the manservant to leave, and he did, scooting between the unmoving statue that was Jasper and the doorframe.

"This is where I will dance," I said with a grin before twirling elegantly into James' arms, trying to distract him from stalking after the poor man. He touched my shoulders, unfazed by my graceful movement. He hated dancing. He saw little point to rhythmic movement and did not really care much for my passion and hobby. He was much more interested in drunken blood, cigars, sex and tracking. No one ever wanted to get on his bad side, because he could find them in an instant. All except me. That was why he found me so interesting, when he first met me. He could not track me because of my mental shield but could not even pick up my scent whenever my physical shield was working.

James spun me around. He crushed his lips against mine, and I felt his hands grope me roughly like I was not worth honoring or touching delicately. He touched me like I was common filth; a whore. But I kissed him back anyway. I felt his wanton hunger. I felt his voluptuous lust. My fingers tangled in his hair, pressing his face harder against mine. I could feel his uneven breathing at the back of my throat. His hips grinded against mine and his big hands kneaded my almost-breasts, sending me into a frenzy. I could not do this now. Not with Jasper baring witness to our ungodly acts.

I pulled away from James, and thankfully he took the hint. He did not like the thought of Jasper watching us either, though that thought could probably be debated. Jasper was a man, and James was a man who liked to make other men jealous. Therefore, in conclusion, he probably would 'make love' to me in front of anyone, including Jasper, just to make them jealous.

Jasper was still standing in the doorway, gazing at the land that slowly disappearing over the horizon. Goodbye France. I was going to miss all of those naughty French boys. They were such brilliant dancers too. However, whenever I danced with a human I danced a special dance that I had choreographed myself. I called it the 'Dead Man's Dance'. I called it this because the unlucky human who danced with me usually ended up dead.

James pushed passed him as he walked out onto the deck. I followed him but stopped next to Jasper. I watched James walk down the deck before making a sharp right turn, heading for the cabins. I hoped that Carlisle was not in our stateroom. He was about to get an earful about what an ungrateful little bitch I was and could not even have the decency to relieve him of his painful lust. Was that not what a wife was for? To care for her husband when he was in need? Oh well. I was never a traditional girl, probably because I could remember no traditions of my human life anyway.

"Sometimes I wonder why you chose him," Jasper muttered, clearly disgusted by James' openly frowned upon behavior.

"I wonder the same thing, sometimes," I admitted and bit down on my lower lip. I should not have said that. He probably would have heard and then decide to rip my throat out later. Honestly, the only thing holding me to James was fear. And perhaps something else, something humans recognized as love. But I was not human. Perhaps love was a stronger emotion for humans that it was for vampires. Maybe. I would not know.

I walked back into the room and placed one of my phonograph cylinders into the provided phonograph. The song began to play. The rhythm was somewhat slow, but it was sometimes hard to decipher a dance routine by simply listening to a piece of music. Jasper had bought me this cylinder and he was going to teach me how to Tango.

"Come," I said to Jasper and held my arms open for him. "You have to teach me this dance."

He chuckled and before I knew it, we were spinning around the room, my feet on top of his. We were perfectly in time with the music. It felt like a dream, as always. Dancing for me, in many ways, was a dream. Jasper had used his unique gift to change the mood of the atmosphere. I felt happy. I no longer cared about where James was, or anything of the sort. I had no worries when I danced. There was only the music, Jasper and I, floating as if we were on a cloud. Floating on a cloud, with sharp turns and complicated head movements. He repeated everything twice before he let me try by myself. I held my arms out as if I was holding onto a partner. I moved my feet like he told me to, moving swiftly around the room until coming to a sudden, dramatic stop and then continuing, twirling fluidly. Jasper stood by the phonograph, smiling and nodding, or frowning and shaking his head when I got it wrong. He knew the dance off by heart and he helped me fix my posture and hold my arms correctly.

I was learning to love this dance. I loved the emotion portrayed through it. Rushing around the room, feet moving in a complex pattern whilst twirling. Such a vast range of movements expected in this dance. It portrayed anger and happiness and love, and a thousand other emotions without the use of words. Actions spoke so much louder than words, but dancing… even actions could not portray the emotions that dancing could show.

* * *

_Present Day  
2__nd__ January 2011  
Forks, Washington_

I stared at the sketch on the next page. The drawing was of Jasper's expression when I tripped over my own feet. Vampires rarely made little humane flaws like that, but I found when one is really in tune with their emotion, and emotion really was what defined humanity, that it could happen. Little human errors and tendencies sometimes slipped to the surface, through the thick barrier of instinct and bloodlust. That was why I danced. I could finally feel like that human girl twirling indulgingly with a boy of whom I could not even remember the name of. The Cullens watched me intently, waiting patiently for more. I looked up from the journal and glanced at the clock. I sighed, closing the book and returned the attentive stares that were thrown in my direction.

"What happens next?" Alice asked, practically bouncing on her seat in excitement.

Carlisle and I had come to the agreement that if I told the story of how I met Edward, he would tell me how Edward still lived now. I was really only doing this for Edward's sake. He deserved to know the truth, not the lies Carlisle and Jasper had filled his head with in the past ninety-nine years.

"It is five to nine," I noted, looking pointedly at the grandfather clock. "Carlisle mentioned you would be going hunting at nine."

"Hunting can wait," Edward replied. "I appreciate to learn of my past sooner rather than later."

I growled. The Cullens shied away almost reflexively, like they did not want a fight. That was strange. Any time I had growled at a vampire, they were always itching for the chance to fight me. To try and finally kill me. I was a world champion in living forever, and many vampires wanted my title. They wanted me to fall and burn at their feet. They wanted the title of the one who ended the girl that almost lived forever.

"Unless, you would like me to slaughter this so called town then please, with all due respect, guide me to Seattle."

"As you wish, Bella." Alice smiled at me and took my hand in hers. Even though she was physically older than me, her hands were smaller, almost like a little girl's. Her skin was paler than mine, but then again, they survived on animal blood. Vegetarian's skin always seemed somewhat paler than other vampires. "It is not your fault." I nodded and smiled at her timidly. Her compassion was incredible. Carlisle was really rubbing off on this family. I could practically see him in Alice's darkening eyes. She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"Alright then." Carlisle stood up. "We're hunting in Goat Rocks Wilderness. The population of grizzly bears around that area has rapidly grown recently."

"Yes!" Emmett punched his fist up into the air in excitement. They chuckled as they stood up, all except Edward who had groaned and brushed his hand through his already wild sex hair. I wondered what it would look like if I… No. He was not mine anymore. I was only going to tell a story and not get my hopes up. Human Edward and vampire Edward could be two completely different creatures. But perhaps, if I could simply rekindle those memories… relight those emotions… then maybe. Just maybe.

Ugh. So much for not getting my hopes up.

I stared at the family in amazement. They just seemed so natural and carefree, almost like humans. They were not tense, they fidgeted and blinked and scratched, out of habit perhaps? And they got excited over what they were having for dinner. They were a family. I wanted a family but if I gave myself a family I would just get them killed, especially now, seeming that the Volturi had remembered that they needed to try and kill me again, after a three centuries. Goodness knows what wild method they were going to use to capture me this time.

They went in different directions, talking of hunting techniques. Edward was about to climb the stairs but turned and glanced at me. He walked over and sat on the sofa next to me. He touched my hair, fixing a stray lock that had escaped from behind my ear. Why was he touching me? He touched me so delicately, like he was scared to break me. He touched me like I was something he did not want to damage. Almost like I was too valuable to hold too roughly in case I shattered. That was the way I yearned for James to touch me. But James had seen the brutal extent of the damage I could cause. He knew I was not some child that could be taken lightly. I was a ruthless, bloodthirsty killer who had lived too long.

"I can't read you," he told me.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, a little confounded. Was I right? Could he really hear the thoughts of others, like they were speaking but things that they would never say aloud? Did he know the secrets of every being around him, secrets that even he did not wish to know?

"I can read the thoughts of others… I hear them, like someone is speaking."

I smiled. "I had that theory. You were always wondering what everyone was thinking. You could read facial expression and hand gestures. You were so sensitive to their thoughts."

"Why can't I read you?"

"You could never read me." I sighed. "My words, my expressions and gestures… they were foreign, they confused you. I have a gift myself, Edward. I am sure you heard me speak of it earlier, even though you were upstairs."

He watched my eyes for a moment. "It strange though… It's like you're…"

"Empty," we said simultaneously.

He stared at me for a moment, perplexed. I giggled; something I had done in almost a century.

"You told me that before as well."

He raised his hand brushed his knuckles across my cheek, so softly. My skin reacted; tingling like I had been burned but I felt no pain. It was different this time. His skin was not soft and supple and smouldering. I could not feel the beads of moisture that covered each of his skin cells. I would not be able to taste the salt on his skin if I kissed his fingertips. I would not be able to feel the pulse of blood under his skin. He was the same temperature as me now, warm but not burning. His skin was hard and smooth, and would never sweat like it used to. I would not be able to make his lungs need to pull in more oxygen because he simply did not need it anymore. He sighed, dropping his hand to his lap.

"I'm trying to place you in my memories, Bella," he admitted in a strained whisper. "I know you are in there somewhere. I know your face, I know I do. It just doesn't seem to fit anywhere."

His expression was contorted, his eyes squinting to try and see past the veil that covered his lost human memories. He was paining himself by trying to place me somewhere. I was a mutated puzzle piece that belonged in his memories. "I belong in your human memories," I told him and I laid one of my fingers onto his palm. I drew circles on it with my finger, my feather like touch burning the supersensitive nerves in his palm. "But seeming your human memories are lies… you cannot place me."

He nodded once, half understanding. "Why did they lie to me?"

I froze. I knew exactly why they had lied to him. He was never meant to be. I left him to die. Because… I had no choice. He was dead no matter what I chose. I watched his eyes. Those dark golden eyes burned for more knowledge from the one person that he could not read.

"Edward," I said his name slowly, my lips pronouncing the two syllables of his names perfectly. My eyes met his, mine burning with an emotion my mind had yet to recognize. "You must understand that I left you to die. I never knew of your existence until merely an hour ago. I do understand why they lied to you, but I'm afraid I cannot tell you why they lied to you until I have finished my story."

His eyes narrowed and he snatched his hand away. Before I knew it, he was gone. But this time, and I took a great deal of comfort in that I knew I would see him again.


	5. Dead Lovely

**A/N:** Happy New Year for Saturday! Wishing for the new year to bring good will and fortune to you all! God bless (: Oh, please revieww!

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**Chapter Five: Dead Lovely**

_Present Day  
2__nd__ January 2011  
Seattle, Washington_

The blood pulsed behind his skin, a beautiful rhythm of pure perfection. Never could I dance to beat so breathtaking. So simple, so pure... I found it hard to believe that my body once made a sound like that. I wished I could remember my own heart beating. If I could, I'd never let the sound leave my mind. I tried to recreate the sound of the human heart, but each was so different yet they all pounded out the same beat. It was impossible. I'd never gotten close enough to a human, spent enough time with one, to really appreciate the sound of their heart. My bloodlust would send me into frenzy long before that.

No. That was a lie. I had gotten close enough to a human without giving in my thirst for blood and need for flesh. I could remember _his_ heart with perfect clarity. It haunted me. It haunted me, taunted me for almost a century. That one beautiful rhythm frightened me more than death itself. I'd managed to push it back into a dark corner of my mind for years. However, sometimes it would beat at the back of my head, reminding me that I'd left him to die. But I didn't. Years I suffered with the guilt of his death. I clawed my skin, tore at my hair, nearly gorged my own eyes out. I nearly killed myself. The memories of my loss of sanity haunted me too. I was scared that if I lost it again, I would not be able to find it again. Time was against me.

Life was a losing race against death. Vampirism was a head start, but death always caught up in the end. Sometimes sanity would be left behind. Some have the lead far enough away from death to get it back. Some lose it and have no choice but to keep running. I was scared that if I lost my sanity again, I would run back to get it and death would finally catch me after centuries of running.

His heartbeat was so fast. I wished I could have felt like that. I had only felt like that once. That was a long time ago.

Human life was precious.

So I tore his throat out in rage and jealousy.

Why could he be human when I couldn't?

I felt a chill deep in my bones as I lay down on the wet concrete. I was in an alley with a pimp I'd found mistreating his bitches. He reminded me a little of James and his pimping days, back in the early eighteen hundreds. I'd never been a whore myself, though it was on my to do list. I watched James from afar back then. I followed him everywhere, always a couple of miles behind. The way he carried himself told me that he knew of the world and how it worked. But he so young. I couldn't understand how he was so comfortable being a part of something he just wasn't. How could any vampire be comfortable pretending to be human? So I followed him. I guess I admired him too. Perhaps that is why I agreed to marry him in the end.

I chuckled as I realized where I was. Lying in the pouring rain, next to a man I'd just killed who reminded me of my ex-husband. It was like the night I killed Carlisle, minus fifty-nine dead lovely men.

* * *

_April 11__th__ 1912  
North Atlantic Ocean  
En-route New York City_

Shallow talk and droning voices, repeating the same thing day after day. I had lived to tell the tale of every shallow man I had ever I met. No one on the ship could tell a story that I had not yet heard before. Not even my own Carlisle could surprise me. Well I suppose that could be a lie. Carlisle was a doctor after all who could ramble on and on about medicine and all that doctors do. I hold no interest in human anatomy or anything of the sort, therefore it is just another voice droning in my ear. I guess that is the result when you have lived longer than any normal person, or vampire, for that matter.

Carlisle, James and Jasper had abandoned me in our stateroom to go and talk about having a penis or something, over a cigar and brandy with the other rich men on board. Even those I held close to me were shallow. Carlisle, the man I looked up to, could actually boast about himself. I suppose that did surprise me.

So I set myself down at the desk and wrote a letter to the mother I could not remember. Maybe I never had a mother. Ha. I doubt that even back then men could bring forth children. However, sometimes when I closed my eyes I could imagine long black hair with a purple ribbon braided into it. I dismissed it as a daydream. Memories of my human life could not be trusted. There was only one memory I could trust and that was the memory me dancing with a boy in a yellow room. I wished I could remember his face.

I wrote down words from my heart; stupid soppy words about how much I missed her. I rolled the page up, shoved it into a brandy bottle and capped it with the cork. It was almost quiet in the hallway apart from all the noise of the engines and the creaking of iron against icy waves. I walked until I was on deck and saw the last slit of orange before the horizon completely swallowed every last memory of the sun.

It was then I lost it.

I lost my calm. I missed my mother. I missed my family. I was sick of this depressing, endless life of blood and beauty. I wanted to end it, again. I ran at a pathetic human pace, sobbing, wishing for the tears to stream down my face. I was forever being bombarded with stupid tales of people's lives. Lives and loves that I wanted. I would rather be cold and hungry and human than a perfect, beautiful, immortal vampire, any day.

Maybe I would be reincarnated as a human again. A human who would only love one person and they would be together until they were old and gray, surrounded by grandchildren. That was beauty of humanity. They changed. They had internal beauty. A vampire's beauty was only skin deep. Inside, all they ever craved were the pleasures of blood and of the flesh. Inside, their human soul lay trapped like a person in an iron maiden. The soul of a vampire was surrounded by spikes forever getting closer and closer, until it too became tainted. And with that, the last of that vampire's humanity was gone. That was my theory and it had yet to be disproved. I didn't believe that Carlisle and Jasper were old enough to completely lose their humanity. Perhaps after their first millennia, they would finally lose grasp of that humanity.

The icy wind whipped against my hair as my legs ripped from the confines of the dress as I took to a full vampire run to the stern of the ship. I leaned right over the railing and saw the rudders underneath sea foam and water. I saw them, sharp like giant knives cutting through the salty waters. I hoped to a god that they would be enough to rip me to shreds. Snapping my head up, eyes on the horizon, I pulled my arm right back and snapped it forward again, throwing the bottle as far as I possibly could. That was the only place I had yet to go to. I had seen the world at least twice. All that I wished to see was the horizon, but that was a place I would never go. It was a place unreachable to those living and those dead.

I trembled as I climbed over the white barrier separating me from the drop to the icy waters below. I was careful not to step on my torn dress. At least Carlisle had saved one of my nicer dresses from getting ruined. He suggested that I was already far too pretty and did not need to wear a beautiful dress. I huffed with him of course. I wanted to wear a beautiful dress. Why not exaggerate my obvious beauty? There was no crime against it after all. However, Carlisle was immune to my stubbornness and forced upon me a hideous baby pink dress laced with false diamonds and white satin trimming.

I hated the dress because it emphasized my baby-ness. I looked bloated with a flat chest and chubby cheeks and even in five inch heels, I still looked short. Carlisle viewed me in his mind as a little girl demon that would test his faith to God. Ha. Perhaps I was. However, he seemed to want me to look less and less appealing as each day passed. His will not to love me was wearing thin. Oh well. He would never have the opportunity to love me, unless he called out to me as I plunged into the icy depths below.

My lips curved into a smile as I imagined his voice, calling out to me just as my white fingers loosened their grip on the railing.

"Don't."

I gasped and pulled myself back so suddenly, I almost lost my balance.

"C-Carlisle?" I murmured, straining my neck to try and see him. Had he heard me run? How could he have known what I had been planning?

However, who I saw was not Carlisle to my utter disappointment. It was a human. I saw him from the corner of my eye. And he was beautiful. Almond eyes sparkling similarly to a heart cut emerald in sunlight, hair uncoordinated in bronze tangles which was honestly undeniably sexy. He was young, perhaps sixteen or seventeen. His face was defined, sharp with a subtle hint of boyishness to his cheeks and blank expression. His cheekbones and jaw was angular, chiseled. The boy was thin, maybe even a little lanky but not at all slight. The strong cords of muscle protruding from his arms told me that he was no rich snob of the first class deck. The boy had his fair share of manual labor, which was more than several first class men had tried their hand at.

I guess I was so caught up in my fantasies of Carlisle rescuing me that I mistook the boy's voice for his. After all, he had only said one word. Had he said more, I would have noticed that his voice was stronger than Carlisle's. Discordant, human and oh so American. I could not tell where in America he was from just from his voice though. I might be a vampire but I was no mind reader.

"Who do you think you are?" I said, in a rude fashion that young ladies probably should not have talked in. It was not like it would affect him if I jumped in. Why in all things good and holy would he care if I jumped? I was just some sadistic, suicidal vampire. No big deal, really. I was already damned. And so would he, if that wonderful heart of his continued to beat that dead lovely aroma into the air.

He was a little taken aback by sheer insolence. He almost turned on his heel to make a quick getaway. Although, the way he looked at my face reminded me so of someone who claimed to see an angel, long ago. I smiled, just a little at that memory.

The wind had unclasped my hair from its ribbons and pins; my ringlets whipped almost violently around my face. I was almost struggling to keep my balance against the sheer force of the wind. Perhaps even nature was against my existence and wanted to rid itself of my unnaturalness.

"Masen," he replied. "Edward Masen. Who're you?"

"Does it matter?" I said, irritated. Angels did not come in the shape of humans. Why would something holy come in the shape of something so delectable? If this beautiful boy was an angel, why could he not have come in the shape as unappetizing as a tree?

Funny the things you eat when on the brink of starvation.

"Doubt it. We're both gonna die anyway." He shrugged as he shrugged his jacket off and smiled a crooked smile. It almost took my breath away. The way his skin folded over and his brows relaxed as he did so. Ugh. Why did the fate that condemned me to wallow in blood have to deny me the joys of the flesh? Why could I not make love to a human and not… squish them? The fact their pelvis would shatter would cause internal bleeding which would torture me. It was not fair.

"Pardon?" I said, taken aback.

"If you jump, I'm gonna have to jump in after you."

His expression was cocky but there was honesty behind it. He bent down to untie his shoelaces. Did he really have nothing to live for? Or was he so sure of himself that he could stop me from jumping, that he would win my heart in return? My heart was not some prize to be won. It was dead, after all and not so far away from my teeth.

"Good sir, you are insane! You have no matter here. Please, return to your affairs and leave me be to quietly disappear."

He laughed, to my disappointment. "_I have no affairs_ _to which I must attend, my good lady_," he said, mocking my aristocratic voice. "Why do you want to disappear?"

I looked down at the waves crashing into the boat. I wondered in a small part of my more than capable mind if the third class passengers ever got scared from being so close to the sea.

"You would not understand, Edward," I replied and my brows furrowed. Why was I even giving this human, _my food_ the time of day? "I have been dealt a poor hand and I believe I must fold."

"You're quite the drama queen, aren't you?" he said and I heard his boots hit the deck as he threw them to one side.

I smiled, just a little. He was right. I was very dramatic. All my life, I made a fuss over everything and nothing. I suppose I was nothing more than a child at heart. A spoilt little brat, that was what I was. My dearest Carlisle and Jasper got me everything my heart desired. Even James spoiled me with material items I need not possess. All I wanted more than anything was affection. Not to be handled roughly or treated like a child. I wanted to be valued and cherished. In all the centuries I had lived, never had I been valued or cherished.

"You're not going to do it," he said suddenly, sounding relieved.

The anger came back, the anger of him being there, interrupting my suicide. "How dare you presume to know what I will and will not do!"

"You would've done it already. Now, give me your hand." He was close behind me and I felt his hand touch my waist. It was warm and I could feel it pulse. My eyelids fell, half open, as I inhaled that intoxicating scent that was his blood. I wanted more than anything to break his neck right there and have my final meal before death. However, I did not. "You jump; I jump."

"Sir, you are most absurd!"

"With all due respect miss; I'm not the one hanging of the edge of a boat here."

I sighed. Again he was right. I was being absurd. At least Jasper would get a kick out of this. He would find it most entertaining that a human saved me from myself. I decided then that I would kill the boy before I tried to jump off the boat again. After all, I was not about to waste virgin blood like his by letting him drown in the sea.

"Fine."

I turned around carefully, pathetically trying to be a clumsy human. His hand tightened around my waist and his hand held mine as I lifted my foot and stepped up onto the railing. I held onto him lightly, not wanting to put any of my weight on him. If I knew anything, I probably could shatter his beautiful body with my own weight and that would be an even bigger waste, and mess, than if I let him drown.

I was about to put my foot onto the next bar when my five inch stiletto heel tangled around my torn dress. Due to this miscalculation of foot placement, I slipped. The air rushed out of me as I screamed. My stomach flew to my throat and my hand quickly grabbed onto the railing before I dragged the pretty boy down with me. He groaned shock at the sudden weight he was attempting to support. Because I did not want to seem too abnormal, I scrambled a little as I made it seem like was pulling me up. We both landed on the deck floor with him on top of me, though I failed to remember how we managed that.

Then two sailors found us, my dress hitched around my hips and Edward's boots strewn across the deck. How ominous we must have looked as I thought back on it.

"Hey!" One of them yelled, disgusted. "Get off her!"

The other one pulled him off me whilst shouting, "Fetch the master at arms."

* * *

_Present Day  
3__rd__ January 2011, 00:02  
Seattle, Washington_

I smelt him before I saw him. And I smiled. After all this time, after almost three centuries as companions, it took almost a century of him thinking me for dead to make him come to me. He scooped me from the cold, wet concrete where I lay next to the pimp's dead body. The rain was so heavy, but I couldn't feel it, cold against my icy skin. How I wished for rain to be cold, for his skin to be icy. Of course, it would never happen. I savored him, his arms holding me close and tight to his strong chest. Oh, how I missed him.

I was never easy on Carlisle. Never. I offered myself to him like a man would offer an animal to his god. I wished for him to love me, feel me, kiss me, touch me and fear me. I wanted him to be my slave. An all too willing puppy. But he wasn't. He had a conscience of his own. He had his own god, faith and belief. He didn't need me to worship.

And I denied him when he turned a blind eye to his god.

However in that heavy rain beneath a moonless sky, he kissed me. I could feel his sleek wet locks against my cheek, his heavy breath against my nose. Cloaked under that darkness in which we could both clearly see through, he kissed me in a way that I could never have imagined. His arms changed my position so quickly, I almost doubted that I was ever being cradled in the first place. Suddenly, I was against the damp wall with my legs balanced on his hips. His hands were free to caress me, idolize me, _love me_. He touched my hair, feeling every loving tug against my scalp. That hand never left my curls. The fingertips of his other hand caressed my eyes and nose, cheeks and lips. Down further, across my collarbones, sweeping crossways over my breasts. How long had I waited for this day? He had never laid me. I was his own personal rapist. A horrible creature.

I would ignite his instincts so much so he had no choice but to comply.

Why had I denied him? I could not remember, not anymore.

Our breathing was one. Passionate, heavy, _beautiful_. There was no blood, no hearts racing, just two bodies almost entwined as one. Almost but not quite human.

"Carlisle?"

A voice. A memory.

And before Carlisle could make me his, I ran.

Edward was the reason why I denied Carlisle.

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**PSSSSSTTT! THERES A LINK ROUND HERE SOMEWHERE! GO'ON AND CLICK IT! LEAVE A WEE REVIEW! I'm having a wee bita 'writers block' (I KNOW ITS NOT REAL) but reviews will help relieve me from my suffering!**


	6. Left for Dead

**Chapter Six: Left for Dead**

_April 12__th__ 1912, 01:13  
RMS Titanic  
En-route New York City_

"Higher Bella."

"I cannot fucking fly Whitlock," I hissed, struggling to keep my balance and grace on the very tips of my toes. Unfortunately I lacked in height, which usually is a good thing, except Jasper was a giant therefore this specific dance was awkward. As I stood with my arms high above me, I could feel pain creeping through my muscles. As a vampire, I could take more strain than a human could however, I still had a pain threshold. And standing on the very tips of my toes with one leg hitched up vertically so I could touch the toes of said leg, struggling to hold myself high enough was enough to send the pain over that threshold. I cried as fell to the floor.

I just stayed there, pitifully. I was still shaken with my last suicide attempt. It was merely hours ago, but still. The fact that I was distracted showed clearly through my dancing. I was not focused. If I had been, I could have lifted myself higher with ease. I could have stood like that for hours on end. The pain that I felt would not have been there if I had held myself correctly. However, I could not.

My mind was thinking about that boy.

Edward Masen he said he was. I could not forget his face. Every time I tried to concentrate, I closed my eyes and his face would appear. Then I would lose my focus. I could not dance like this.

Jasper had yet to find out about my most recent suicide attempt. He would yell at me and probably bite me, so I would remember my place and my punishment if I ever did something so stupid again. It was like I was his, rather than the other way around. I was like the old widow mother of two strapping young men who they were burdened with. I always needed looking after, watched and attention. Sometimes I even needed a slap, or a bite in Jasper's case. Once a soldier, always a soldier.

Carlisle would kiss my cheek and reassure me that all was fine and I nothing to worry about. He didn't believe in domestic violence.

James on the other hand would hurt me the most. He was firm believer in domestic violence. Hurting his wife showed he was in control and he was the dominant creature in our lopsided relationship. And there was nothing my sons could do to save me. Jasper despised James with a violent passion, and James knew that. The tension in the air when they were in a room together was so thick I could have sliced it with a knife. How Jasper and James could sit together with other human men without murdering each other was beyond me.

Jasper knew I was better off without James, but could never hurt him without my command. He was my soldier after all.

Carlisle and James had mutually grudging respect for each other. James saw that Carlisle was probably the brightest, most intelligent and charming man he had ever met and probably will ever meet. Carlisle saw that James was probably one of the meanest, most lethal and chauvinist pigs he had ever met.

Carlisle knew that I was better off without James, but could never hurt him without my permission. It was my choice, after all.

I just did not realise at the time that marriage meant commitment, forever. If I did not wish to be brutally slaughtered, or if I did not want one of my boys falling victim to my hunter of a husband, I would just have to spend the rest of my days with James until he got sick of me. I would not risk the safety of Jasper and Carlisle just so I could be free of some lunatic. James might have been bad, but he wasn't _that_ bad.

Well, I supposed it could have been debated however writing an essay on the pros and cons on life with James was not on my 'to do list'. Anyway, the only time I ever saw him was whenever he wanted to kick the shit out of me for no apparent reason or fuck my brains out. I could live with that.

"Has Isabella told you how she tried to see the propellers earlier?"

Ugh. Think of the devil and the devil shalt appear. James was leaning against the doorframe, looking rather proud of himself as per usual. A smirk was plastered on his face and his eyes glowed a brilliant red in the candlelight. He looked truly demented. And that, I supposed he was.

Jasper hissed in my direction. A shiver rolled down my spine, my instincts quickly taking over my body to retort. No one hissed at me like that, or well, that was what my instincts thought anyway. My body contorted quickly in an defensive half crouch aimed between Jasper and James. I snarled at Jasper, though I rather wished I could have just walked away. My behaviour would only 'excite' James more.

James wanted to watch Jasper hurt me. That would probably make him ejaculate in his pants. Ugh. I despised men sometimes. They were always so violent and loved watching other men beating each other up because it turned them on. Ugh. If I were human right then, I would have thrown up.

Due to stance, Jasper quickly lurched forward. And despite my stance, I let him. I was not going to give James the satisfaction of a fight. Jasper would bite me and fuck away off while James 'possessed' me like 'the little slut I was'. Ugh. If only, if only I had died thousands of years ago as a human, I would never have used my body like that.

I felt Jasper's teeth pierce my neck and I snarled but did nothing. I felt empty, alone and his venom stung but it was weak. It would strengthen with age. My venom was pretty useful when it came to spitting in James' eyes. It should have been a sport. There were times in my life when I loved making James angry because truth be told, I was a bit of a masochist. I loved feeling like I didn't deserve anything, being humiliated and embarrassed. I loved being used and chained to walls for days on end without blood even though I could have quite easily broken free. I enjoyed suffering and why I enjoyed it so much might have been tied to my human life. Perhaps I was little Italian slave girl that men had beaten, abused and humiliated. Perhaps that was why he made me a vampire. So I could finally have my revenge.

Jasper got up and started pacing. I got to my feet warily, my eyes on Jasper. As I watched him pace, I almost forgot James' presence. My stomach flew to my throat as I felt him pressed against my back. His stony chest against my shoulder blades, his arm wrapped like a deadly noose around my neck and his manhood hard against my lower back. His arm prevented me from breathing. And I panicked. It seemed silly, really. But I relied so heavily on the sense of smell to forewarn me of anything. I knew who was behind me before I even looked due to my sense of smell. I could smell everything, and without that sense, it was terrifying.

He had never cut off one of my senses before. Sometimes he covered my eyes, but my sight was not as important as my sense of smell.

Jasper's eyes caught mine and he froze. He was a statue, cold and monumental. And his eyes never left me.

"Hush little Bella," James whispered in my ear. His hand fumbled against my thigh, scrunching my dress and pulling it up around my hips. "Let's show Mr Whitlock how a wife should treat his husband."

I only scrambled against him more and I hung myself from his arm. He held me higher, so my feet could no longer touch the ground. My neck should have snapped, broken but it couldn't. I kicked my legs and clawed as the arm around my neck. Nothing would make him loosen his grip. He only pushed me tighter against his body, so my dress would not fall over my hips.

He ripped my drawers and stockings from my legs.

"Come, come now," he breathed and I felt his fingers between my thighs. I gasped and cried out in fear. I only kicked more. I did not want this anymore. My life was a sham. Deep down, I did not want to suffer anymore. I did not wish to be humiliated and used by men. I wanted to be loved and valued. Treated as an equal, not an animal. Perhaps I had spent too long looking for fulfilment and had resorted to submitting myself in order to feel useful. I could be useful without having to be beaten and raped. However, not with James. Never with James.

"Ah little Bella, don't scream. We don't want the crew in here too, do we?" He was cooing at me, a gentle and almost soothing sound. He talked to me like I was child. He was positioning me over him and had shifted his arm so he could stick his finger in my mouth. The action muffled my screams.

"Oh, that's not it... A-ah, fuck... Always so tight. That's my girl."

I could only shut my eyes tight and try to ignore the pain. I was virgin when I was changed. My hymen was long gone but I would always be tight. Never worn or torn. And it hurt. It always hurt when my body was entwined with another vampire. Humans were gentler, warmer and they never hurt. I missed pitiful sex with humans.

And in that blinding darkness, I saw Edward again.

I tried to pronounce words around James' finger but it moved with each thrust on his part. I could only groan. My eyes fluttered open, remembering Jasper's presence. He was still standing there like a statue, eyes unmoving.

"_Help me_." I tried to pronounce the words but they came out as a sort of strangled gargle. Maybe they sounded something like I was trying to say because Jasper's eyes suddenly caught mine. His eyebrows furrowed and my heart broke just a little as he walked from the room, leaving me for the dead.

_Present Day  
January 2__nd__ 2011  
Forks, Washington_

"You bit her?"

Alice looked a little horrified at her husband as she looked up at him. She sat on the floor with her head against his knees, her piercing golden eyes staring up at him. Jasper nodded once, stiffly. Did I see that he looked a little ashamed? No, I probably had just imagined it. Edward was a little pissed at his 'sister' for interrupting and also ticked off at Jasper for probably leaving me without helping. Good boy, I thought. He would make a good soldier too.

"Of course he bit me," I scoffed and kicked my feet onto the pristine coffee table. "Just as I trained him too."

"You trained Jasper to bite you when you're naughty?" The big guy, who I had heard someone call Emmett, wiggled his eyebrows and smirked as he spoke. The blonde girl, who I'd figured out myself was christened as Rosalie, slapped his thigh in response to this rather twofold comment. Jasper's brow rose and his expression contorted.

I rolled my eyes. "You all know that Jasper was once a soldier, correct?"

They all nodded to my utter relief, scared for a moment that I had revealed a trade secret or something.

"After I had killed off Maria and her soldiers, keeping her useful few for myself and that includes Jasper, I trained them my way in order to conquer new land. Biting was an easy way to keep newborns in line whenever they started to become angry and aggressive towards themselves and those in a higher position of authority. I guess Jasper used the same technique to keep me in line as well."

I sighed and my eyes fell to the floor. I felt my shoulders drop and a tiny lock of hair fell out of place.

"And because of this, I owe him my very life and therefore, I will be forever in his debt."

We sat together in the family living area. Emmett and Rosalie were leaning against the wall, Jasper was sitting on the sofa next to me with little Alice sitting on his feet, while Carlisle and Edward had taken their place on the other sofa, opposite the one I was set upon. Esme sat alone, on the only armchair the room possessed. My journal lay open on my lap, that portrait of human Edward staring at me just as he was right then. Except through those odd yellow eyes. I imagined everything to be tinted gold through those eyes. Just as I sometimes imagined that I could only see through a red tint. My mind was not, and never has been sane. My grasp on reality snapped all the time, because my ties to reality were weak and unreliable; like a balloon in the hand of a child.

The way the clan positioned themselves around the room said a lot about them in my eyes. Emmett and Rosalie, the fact that they stood told me that their ties to the clan were weaker than the rest. I could imagine that they probably travelled a lot by themselves. Esme, she sat isolated in the only chair, told me that she did not depend on her husband and that she was a strong independent woman who was utterly charming, but took no shit from anyone. Alice who sat on the floor, this told me that she saw herself as less equal than the rest, or perhaps she did not have the courage to rise to the same level as the rest. Jasper who sat next to me and above Alice, I could see that he highly protective over her but maybe saw himself more equal than her. But it worked that way, as Alice's head was rested on his knees while his hand touched her hair, expressing how they were both comfortable with their social positioning.

Carlisle and Edward sat together on the same level. Edward was only a boy, a child and I could see that in his face just as well as I could see it in his eyes. He depended on Carlisle as a father, someone to guide and encourage him. He needed Carlisle to push him into line and teach him his place. And the fact that Carlisle held himself a little higher than the rest of us, screamed that he was alpha male. As he should be. Perhaps pack ordering was not obvious in this quite human clan, but it was definitely there. After all, vampires were animals and without dominance and submissiveness, we would have been hunted to extinction by now.

I always wished to be alpha female. Always. Of course, the instinctual urge was there to be higher in the pack than any of the men but not just because of that. I wished to stand next to Carlisle and feel like I belonged there.

I guessed that it would never happen. I ran away, after all. I wasted my second chance.

But honestly, could he have left his wife for me? I was merely a child, nothing more. An insecure little brat that had lost her wits long ago. In my mind, I do not think he could have left Esme for me. He might have been mine, but the created do not feel what their creators feel for them. I loved Carlisle and Jasper. They were my boys, my darling boys.

How could I have ever brought Edward into this mess? I did not need another boy to chase. But as I caught his yellow eyes in a brief second of silence, I felt the air rush out of me like I had just been hit sharply on the back with a big stick. Those eyes were not the same, but they were not so much different. Perhaps I only felt a physical love for Carlisle. Because I know I did not feel that way when Carlisle caught my eye. I just yearned for Carlisle. All the time. He was like a constant twitch, nagging at me all the time. I could distract myself but it always came back.

Edward... I could not describe the rush of emotion I felt for him. He was not a nagging twitch. He was something I had pushed so deep into the dark depths of my mind, that I always felt a rush of confusion and pain every time I looked at him. Believing someone was dead for almost a century and then finding out they were not, really fucking hurts.

It felt like a lie. Corrupt, broken, twisted every way but the right way.

And knowing that he detested me for ruining his perfect lie of a life... well, of course that made me feel so much better!

"Please," Edward murmured over the startling loud silence. "Continue."

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**REVIEWW PLEASE!**


	7. Dead Hearts

**A/N: Hehe. I love the way you are all like O_o at the whole Bella and Carlisle thing. Mwhaha. I apologise. This is an Edward and Bella story, don't worry. I think you E/B fans will like the end of this chapter ;).**

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**Chapter Seven: Dead Hearts**

_April 12__th__ 1912, 18:45  
RMS Titanic_

James helped me get ready, and he was ever so gentle. It was very out of character of him. Usually, he more interested in taking clothes off than putting them on. On more than occasion I had asked him to help tie my corset or button up the rest of buttons on the back of my dress, and all he ever did was undo what I had already done. All that effort wasted, not to mention forgotten, in a moment of lust.

However, that time, he bathed me without trying to seduce me, dressed me without touching places that need not be mentioned. I did wonder if he was feeling okay more than once. His eyes were black voids, just like mine. The fact that he was thirsty would normally have made him more agitated and impatient. But not this time. Even the night before, he was gentle. There were times when he could be so violent when 'making love'. Sometimes it could go on for hours. I would be in so much pain afterward too. The pain outweighed the pleasure. Sometimes I felt like it wasn't worth it.

He dressed me in a wonderful emerald green dress that shimmered in the artificial light. I wore my hair down for a change. My hair was naturally very curly, like ringlets. Usually, I styled my hair with hundreds of bobby pins, ribbons, clips and bows but I felt like a change. Unfortunately, my hair showed what I had been through in my life. It was uneven in places, singed in others. My hair was as strong my skin. The fact that my hair was singed was from when Carlisle was changed. If my hair had never been set alight, I knew that I would never have had Carlisle with me to hold my hand through the past few centuries. I wondered then as I sat in front of my vanity dresser applying deep rose red lipstick, if that was why Carlisle was constantly touching my hair.

Was there some link between him and the reason that saved his very life?

"Carlisle." I looked at him through the mirror. He looked up from his pocket watch and smiled at me. "Can you remember the night I bit you?"

The smile on his face faded and he raised an eyebrow at me. "Vaguely. Why?"

"I think I have figured something out. Please, tell me your final human memory."

He tucked his watch back in his inside pocket. I watched as he squeezed his eyes shut and take his head in his hand. I knew how hard it was, trying so hard to see past that blurry veil that hid human memories. Why did humans have such poor eyesight? Honestly, everything was so dull, blurry and dark. How could they even see their hand in front of their own faces?

I took to my feet and walked over to him. Slowly, humanely. Something I rarely did in the company of vampires. I brushed my knuckles across his cheek. His lips, pressed together in a tight line, loosened a little at the corners at my gesture.

"If it pains you too much, then it does not matter," I whispered. "It was only a theory."

"I remember the night I awoke." He chuckled, darkly amused. Though, I failed to see what was amusing about me practically raping him. His hand fell from his face and his expression relaxed as he looked at me. My own befuddled expression was reflected in his ochre eyes. "As a religious man, Bella, of course I was a virgin until that night. When I awoke I saw an angel before my very eyes. She kissed me and I thought she wanted me now that I was dead."

"You were correct," I murmured and tried to take a step back, but he quickly touched my hair to prevent me moving too far. "I am no angel, but I _do_ want you."

Carlisle's fingers tightened a little around my hair. I could see that fight in his eyes again. The whole good versus evil, God versus Satan fight that I saw every time I admitted my want or love for Carlisle.

"It was extremely dark."

"Pardon?"

"Hush now." He paused and his eyes closed tight again. "I remember speaking with my father about the hunt. He was frustrated with me as I had yet to find any demons. I had seen my father, burning and drowning innocent women as witches. Afraid, I was not quick to judge. However, I was returning home one night when from afar, I saw smoke rising from Mary's brothel. I thought perhaps my father had finally decided that Mary too was witch for owning a whore house. She was always so kind to him. She admired him. I ran to the brothel but there was a girl there. Dirty and bloody, she was. She sang to herself, songs in a language that I could not comprehend. She was naked and stumbling. Something about her scared me so I just watched her as I hid. She collapsed into an open sewer and never got up."

He had paused again and I waited for him to continue. Of course, I could remember the time with ease but I did not want to interrupt his memory. It was not long ago. Although, I did not remember singing. I let it go quickly. It was ridiculous how many times I had lost track of my sanity in my life.

"I talked to father about the girl. He exclaimed that she was possessed by a demon and needed to be destroyed. He told me that she would rise to feed, though he failed to mention what exactly, after three days and that would be the time she would be at her weakest. So I went and monitored her. She lay so still in sewer, almost like she was asleep. Eventually she was pulled downstream and under the city. Father prepared a mob that I was to lead. I was scared. What if this woman was sick not possessed? I thought about helping her escape before it was too late. But I was afraid."

He shook his head a little as he stopped again, trying to recollect. I never even noticed I was being watched. I suppose I was a little annoyed that I had lost track of James back then, and then indulged too much in drunken blood. Back then, James never realized that I was following him because of my shields. I had followed him into London, where he later became a pimp.

"The mob was ready so we ventured to the sewer where we were sure she would rise from. I remember we were afraid, but there was a lot of alcohol being passed around which calmed the nerves a little. Then she arose but she did not notice us at first. She rose with such fluidness and grace that all of us were completely astounded. I think somewhere deep down; they knew too that the innocents we had murdered were truly innocent once we saw that girl. And then she noticed us. We lurched forward as she readied herself to attack. I remember I was fastest and holding my father's cross to repel the demon. She came to me first. She bit me. I was confused as she pulled blood from my neck, but then I hit the ground. Was I dead? I must have been. I remember the fire snaking through me, burning me. I was trembling so violently and I could barely see.

"I knew my father would burn me alive if I survived this demonic fire. Anything tainted by the demon would be cleansed through fire. I could not let that happen, though I fail to remember why. Human survival instincts perhaps? I do not know. So I forced myself to move, to crawl towards an open cellar not too far from where I lay. I fell in, my landing softened by rotting potatoes to my distaste. I buried myself beneath them and just lay, letting the demon fire take me. But I sensed company. The demon was with me. She hovered over me, her scent worse than the rotting food."

I chuckled and held his hand which still rested in my hair. "And when you awoke?"

"There was an angel. I was sure she had rescued me. However, something was not right. She straddled my pelvis, and I felt… strange. She had gotten too close without permission. A noise, so awfully animalistic and not to mention sadistic sounded from my chest, and all the angel did was smile darkly at me. Upon closer inspection, through eyes so clear, I recognized her. She was the demon, except she was clean and oh so beautiful. Her hair was curly, shiny and wonderfully silky; I had to touch it. And then she kissed me. She could be no demon. Not this girl. The way she made me feel…"

I stepped closer to him as he spoke, my instincts awakening. They knew that Carlisle was vulnerable, that he could be mine. His eyes were half opened as he remembered. His blond eyelashes trembled in the candlelight. I wanted him to be my mate. I wanted him to _mine_ in more ways than one.

So I took to my tip toes and kissed him softly.

His eyes opened in alarm, like I had stabbed him rather than kissed him.

He just shook his head and muttered, "I cannot just talk to you, can I Isabella?"

And that hurt more than I imagined it would.

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_Present Day  
January 2__nd__, 2011  
Forks, Washington_

"Seriously, if this whole story is a 'forbidden love' story about you and Carlisle, I'm going to go and physically puke outside, right now."

Emmett was ever so lovely to share his feelings about my past in the form of words. I could see that both Rosalie and Esme were in cahoots with Emmett on this matter, and nodded. I could understand Emmett and Esme's reasons behind not wanting to listen to all the 'Car-ella' bits to my past but Rosalie was a real mystery. Emmett was a man, fair enough. Jasper didn't mind as much because he was there, but Emmett wasn't in touch with his feminine side enough to understand. Esme, well she was Carlisle's wife so of course she didn't want to hear about his previous girlfriends.

But Rosalie, what did she have against it? Perhaps she was one of _those_ pretty stunning blondes. The ones that look fantastic, actually have a brain _and_ are just as good as guys. Exactly Edward's type of girl. So why weren't they married?

Edward growled at Emmett. "Why do we have to continuously interrupt Bella?"

Emmett wasn't pleased at being growled at. "Why don't you grow a pair of balls and stop taking this shit?"

"Excuse me?"

"Can't you see what she's trying to do?" Emmett stood up and turned to the Cullens. "She's come here to get her little pet back after a century of letting him think she was dead. Seriously, how fucked up is that?"

I rolled my eyes, crossed my legs and folded my arms across my breasts, waiting for him to finish. "Are you quite done?"

Emmett snarled at me. Before I could really comprehend my own actions, my instincts had me on my own feet, crouched and ready to attack. A long continuous growl sounded from somewhere deep in my chest. I stood balanced, barefoot on the coffee table. My ringlets had fallen in front of my eyes. Emmett's body arched and fell into a half-crouch, a defensive one despite his offensive words.

The rest of the family was quietly awestruck. No longer were making distraction gestures, such as scratching or fidgeting. They sat perfectly still, immobile like statues. Exactly like the way vampires were supposed to sit.

I leaped at Emmett, my teeth aimed straight for his neck. But he was ready. Using all of his strength , he pushed me back. I felt glass shattering behind me and the shards caressed my skin. I landed outside, maybe a few yards away from the window I was just thrown from. Emmett was outside in a matter of seconds and had me in a head lock. Lucky for me, the centuries of dancing came to my aid. I snapped leg vertically in the air and angled my foot so his nose was pushed back into his brain. Now disorientated, I hissed, pulled myself out of the headlock and gave him a good old kick in the balls.

He literally howled but his hand caught around my ankle and attempted to lift me up and throw me to the ground. Instead due to centuries learning the art of resistance, only right leg of jeans fell to the mercy of his action. However, the other leg of my jeans fell down leaving me in nothing but boy-short type panties and a vest. Although, I did thank myself internally because I did argue with myself on whether I should have worn boy-shorts or a thong or just go commando. Fortunately, my tomboy side got the better of me.

I snarled in humiliation and crouched again, ready to leap. Emmett was ready for round two as well, but before either of us could make a move, I felt a strong arm wrap tightly around my waist. This caught me unaware and before I knew it, Emmett was being held back by Jasper and Rosalie. Snarls ripped from his chest as he tried to fight against them. It only fueled my frustration. Tried as I might to break free from the arm that prevented me from attacking, it wasn't working. I scrambled so much that I didn't even realize my feet were off the ground. I kicked my legs and fists about like an angry child in the arms of their parent.

It might have been minutes or hours until both Emmett and I calmed down. He had to be pinned to the ground unlike me who was just held in the air. Eventually, my instincts backed down into the small cave where they belonged in my mind. I let my feet fall to the ground and fists fall to my sides. I looked up and realized that it was Edward holding me. His eyes caught mine and they were gentle. Reality dawned on me, then and there. This was Edward. _Edward_. That beautiful boy that stole my heart and begged for eternity.

An eternity that I thought was cut short.

Suddenly, it became _very_ obvious that I was not wearing any pants.

My eyes searched the front yard furiously for what was left of my jeans. They had been split right down the middle from as far as I could tell. Easily fixed, thank god. It seemed a little silly seeming they were on sale for five bucks when I stole them but still. I was punishing myself now seeming I had been so spoilt in the past.

"I'm sure Rosalie will lend you a pair of her jeans," Edward said gently, following my gaze.

I looked at Rosalie who was talking in a hushed voice to her husband, paying no attention to either Edward or I. She at least five foot nine so there was no way in this world I would ever fit into a pair of her jeans.

"No, no it's fine. I have thread and needle in my purse. They are easily fixed."

Edward just laughed. "Don't be silly, Bella."

I smiled and looked up at him again. Why was he even speaking to me? I'd told him very little about his past after all. I was rambling on about Carlisle and all he ever did was irritate me beyond reason. Unless, he had already heard it all from Alice or Carlisle's mind. I didn't know, but I wanted to tell the rest of my story. Secretly, somewhere deep inside my dead heart, I wanted him to love me again. I wanted him to touch me like I was something new, kiss me like I was a stranger but love me the way he had all those years ago. I'd only known him a couple of days but it was enough. It was more than enough to decide that I wanted him as mate. I wanted him to hold my hand through eternity.

I wanted him to run with me in our race against death.

He let go of me, to my displeasure, after holding me a little too long to seem casual. Was there something still there? Did he feel that love he once felt for me? I didn't know. But I hoped so. We walked to the house together without saying a word. I was too old to really care about exposing too much flesh. I followed Edward upstairs and into a bedroom, which was probably Rosalie's room. He found me a pair of really tight jeans that were going to be far too long for me but I took them anyway. He also offered me a deep blue blouse so I took that too. I asked him if I could use their shower. Of course, he said yes.

He guided me out into the hall again and then into _his _bedroom. Then through another door and into _his _bathroom. Was it suddenly getting extremely warm in there, or was that just me? He turned on the shower for me, told me the towels were under the sink. He stood there for a moment, his eyes studying my face. He looked at me like he was trying to remember. Like he wanted to love me, but it was too hard to love a stranger. I wanted to love him. I wanted to love him, honor him, cherish him, touch him, feel him tremble beneath my touch and scream my name.

He wasn't leaving, like he forgot how to work his legs. I was happy enough to let him stand there and watch me shower, but it would probably seem too forward for his tastes. His eyes hadn't left my face. However, he did blink a couple of times and shook his head, like he was waking up from a daze.

"I should leave," he mumbled, more to himself than to me.

He still wasn't moving.

I shrugged. "Stay if you want. It's nothing you haven't seen before."

Edward's eyebrows pinched. "Have we...?"

Aw, still so naive and virgin. Too pure to even mention intercourse. "Mmm-hmm." I hummed as I walked towards him. "God closed his merciful eyes to blind himself from my sin."

I laid my hand on his chest. "Pardon?" He sounded distressed and couldn't stop blinking.

So pure. So close. I could feel the fire flutter in my belly. The heat, moist, between my legs. Something I thought had long burnt out. Edward managed to rekindle my fire, that night ninety nine years ago. A lifetime. I had slept with a stranger since then. I hadn't slept with anyone since Edward, for that matter.

Huh. I was practically a virgin.

I couldn't stop myself. The room was filling up with steam from the shower. It was so hot. I could feel the moisture in my lungs, against my skin and cling to my hair. I could see the little beads in his eyelashes. On his lips. Oh, my knees. They trembled as my mind reveled in that last night I saw him. Skin against skin. Slick from water. Hot against cold. Ice against fire. Prey and predator.

I stood on the very tips of my toes and very gently, kissed his sweet lips. His eyes did not close and neither did mine. We stared into each other and I found his soul. That beautiful soul I had tainted. Trapped forever behind icy immortality. But still so beautiful. My sin had been forgotten, and no longer tainted his spirit. But he was not the same. I pulled back and moved my hand from his chest to his arm. My tongue tasted the sweet trace of venom that lingered on his lips that transferred to mine. Not the same.

Very little about this man was my Edward. He didn't even taste the same.

But I was something he faintly remembered. Something that he'd kissed and tasted before. I hadn't changed since the Titanic. He knew me from before. Somewhere distant in his mind and I saw that in his eyes. I saw that struggle to try and remember me. He couldn't. But he crushed his lips against mine anyway. His tongue found mine before I'd even contemplated his actions. He was younger, faster. There was more space in his mind than there was in mine. More space to imagine, to fantasize. His tongue danced with mine. Passionately lovely. Moist. Warm. Not hot. Different. Good different? Maybe. I didn't feel the need to bite him. Well, that could be debated. I wanted to bite him, claim him as my own. Give into the beast inside. Throw him on the floor, into a wall, even through a wall. Bite his sweet neck. His wrists. Ankles. Every inch of skin, my instincts wanted all of it. All of him.

I wrapped my hand around his right him. Lifting this hem of his shirt, I found it. My fingers touched it. A growl escaped from his chest. The bite that changed a human never healed. Of course, it never bled but the nerves always remained exposed. A vampire's changing-bite was their weak point. The pain could distract them long enough for another to rip their head from their shoulders. My creator took that into consideration when he changed me. My bite was on the inside of my thigh. I was created to fight with him and could not have any exposed weaknesses.

Carlisle, I never meant to change him so his bite was on his neck.

Jasper, his was on the inside of his thigh. A solider could not have any exposed weaknesses.

Edward. He was no soldier. My immortal kisses were wherever my teeth could find. His neck. His wrists. Ankles. Thighs. Hips. Just to taste him before he was reborn. And he tasted beautiful. I'd never regret biting him in so many places. The more venom in his blood, the quicker his change. Of course, only one of those bites remained. The one that marked his hip was the first place I bit him. And he knew, then and there, that I was his creator. Perhaps he'd never shown anyone his bite. Smart boy. Only his creator knew where it lay.

I grinned unintentionally at his pain. The beast like that. It purred at his beautiful pain, like a tamed housecat.

His lips left mine to fiercely kiss my cheek and my jaw, to nip my neck and collarbone. My thoughts became fragmented. My Edward. He knew how to love me. His hand kneaded my breast. The other wrapped around my knee and he it hitched around his hip. Wonderful. Fire. Smoldering heat. Fiery passion. My fingers traced those defined stomach muscles. Mine. All of him was mine.

_Ours_, the beast corrected.

I shook my head. "Stop," I whispered. "Please."

So he did. The arousal was too much but I resisted. I was as chaste as nun for almost a century. I could last a couple of days. Maybe. If the beast stopped purring like that. The vibration rumbled through my chest throughout my body, not exactly helping my excitement. I needed to calm down. It was too soon. He hadn't heard the end of my story. He hadn't heard the part that would make him want to kill me. Maybe it would have been better if I had killed him the night we went to that third class 'party'. More like orgy.

People were drunk. Wrestling. Dancing. Wild Irish music. The smell of human sweat pervaded the air. The scent of arousal too. A few, so drunk, even succumbed to public fucking. Disturbing, yes. Enticing, perhaps. However, I lost Edward in that cramped room. I thought I found him. I thought I'd killed him. I thought someone would realize eventually that three dead people littered their floor. They didn't. Even when I'd found myself enough to get the hell out of there before I killed everyone, they still hadn't noticed.

Edward's eyebrows furrowed, confused. Wasn't this what I was hinting for? Of course. I hinted sex to anything that walked on two legs. But it was too soon. The moral side of me wanted to be fair. I didn't want to force Edward into something that he'd regret later. However, I knew deep in my dead heart, that I was far too selfish to ever let him go. He'd suffer the fate Carlisle had done for the first three centuries of his existence. I stalk him, throw myself at him, and seduce him. I would do whatever it took to make him love me. I couldn't deny it.

I was selfish girl, with selfish thoughts.

I shook my head again. He dropped my leg. He let go of my breast. I couldn't let go of him. I buried my head into his shoulder and just hugged him. Thankful for his presence. Tearless sobs ripped from my chest as I murmured apologies in languages he probably would never understand.

He would never understand how truly sorry I was for having to deal with me for the rest of eternity.

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**E/N: Tee-hee. Did you like it? This chapter is sooooooooooo long. I'll try get the next chapter up within the next week or two. Thank you so much for your reviews! I don't generally write canon couple stories because usually its boring. Hence the C/B and James/B action. I'll try and keep it canon, if that's what you want. Please REVIEW to let me know your thoughts, ideas and rambling! Thank you for everything!**


	8. Dead Man Rising

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the delay! From now on, this story will be updated first on Twilighted(.net) then here. This way, I don't have to proof read my chapters twice. If you want to check 'Titanic' out on Twilighted, the link to my Twilighted profile is on my fanfiction(.net) page. This story is rated R over there, so you may need to sign up if you don't have an account. If your not interested, 'Titanic' will still be updated here, just a little slower though. Sorry folks! Happy reading and keep reviewing!**

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**Chapter Eight: Dead Man Rising**

_April 13th 1912, 11:30  
RMS Titanic_

"Isabella, why?"

He was using that tone with me again. The best way to describe such a tone would be to imagine a father scolding his five year old daughter for coloring in the wallpaper with crayons. Jasper had his death grip securely fastened in my hair and his teeth were extremely close to my neck. A near inaudible hiss escaped his chest; unbroken and never ceasing. Carlisle stood before me, one hand on his hip, the other shielding his eyes in sheer disappointment. He couldn't even look at me. He was too ashamed.

I gritted my teeth. A sudden revelation occurred to me just then. His disappointment, that disillusionment that filled his very soul wasn't worth my time anymore. As I stared, long and hard at his dead beautiful face, I finally realized that Carlisle was never right for me. I never loved him. I put my attraction and fascination with him down to lust. If he couldn't accept me for who I was, then that was that. He was a vampire for god's sake. We were anything but human. Anything but alive. We weren't creatures of emotion. All I needed in life was blood and sex. That was all I'd ever truly wanted.

And I realized that, as I stared at the mask of frustration plastered on his face.

"Jasper," I said, my voice quiet and monotone. "Please, let go of me."

He didn't move. He held me like that to prevent me from escaping. Once a soldier, always a soldier. I'd grinned darkly as I watched him do it to the naughty newborns under his command, once upon a time. He treated me the way Carlisle could not bring himself to. Jasper could touch me with as much force as he wanted without giving a second thought. He did not have a burden like God on his back.

I imagined that his eyes had flashed to Carlisle who remained a statue. Due to their lack of movement, a low growled rumbled from somewhere deep in my chest. Carlisle's hand fell from his eyes and the bewilderment was clear there. Why did I growl at him? That question was apparent in his expression. I'd never growl at Carlisle. He knew of my lust for him and would never upset him by making inhumane noises in his direction. But I didn't care. That man was dead to me.

"I'm tired, Carlisle, ever so tired." I shook my head in sheer weariness. "You will never live as long as I to understand my pain, both of you. I'm so tired of chasing you Carlisle. I'm tired of being bound with superficial human chains to a man who can barely remember my last name. I'm tired of this endless running from death. And above all things else, I'm so very, very tired of both of you being ashamed of me. I am a vampire for fuck's sake!" I paused, letting the emotion in my voice pass. "Here we are, Carlisle. I think these last few nights together are enough for us both."

Jasper had loosened his death grip in my hair as I confessed my feelings. I slipped away from them, scooting towards the door of our stateroom. My eyes fell to the floor; for the first time unable to look at them. I took a deep breath, stood up straight and stuck my chest out. I looked at him right in the eye. Finally, I felt like a stronger woman. I was breaking the bounds that trapped me. I wanted to be free.

Just like before.

"What are you saying?" Carlisle whispered, his voice a little broken.

"I am saying farewell, my dearest friends. It has been a pleasure of course, but I think it is time I must take my leave. A new world awaits and I will be disembarking this ship, alone."

And with those words, I walked out of the stateroom and pulled the door behind me. I leant against the white wood, my head bowed. I was reliving the emotion all over again. The worst of it was, I was so young, less than a millennia, when I did it the first time. Once upon a time, there was a man, a vampire at that, who could not let me go. With youthful memories, there was always drastically real emotion; emotion that I relived as I leant against the door. At least I did not need to kill them like the last time.

At least I did not need to kill them.

_

* * *

_

It was extremely dull and cold outside that fine morning. The cold felt warm against my skin, of course. I could feel the little beads of moisture that hung in the air tingling against the supersensitive nerves of my exposed arms and face. I probably looked a little silly, wearing only a three quarter length sleeved dress on such a chilly morning. I was surprised there were people outside at all, but they were all gathering to stare at the icebergs we passed. I heard one of the crew mention that it was normal for this time of year. _Normal_.

How could anything in the world be _normal_?

I couldn't understand. Everything was changing so fast. Time fleeted by like sand falling between my fingers. Why did things have to change so drastically? I was happy, once upon a time. I was happy whenever I couldn't show my face in public because I was a woman. Draped in fabric; only a thin rectangular slit cut from the material so I could see. I remembered it like it was yesterday. I remembered attending secret Christian meetings under the reign of Emperor Nero. They were so desperate to sit and talk about their Jesus, they would face death if they were caught.

I was a horrible, horrible creature back then. I pretended to be Christian. I sat, I talked, I prayed. Then I went and fucked a Roman official, and ratted out the Christians as foreplay. I enjoyed watching them die. One time in particular, I revealed Roman military secrets to the queen of the Iceni tribe in what was now known as Britain. My information managed for the Iceni tribe to kill over seventy thousand Romans and other foreigners. Too bad she died. She truly would have made a great vampire.

I loved warfare. If there was ever a bloody battle ongoing in the world before I met James, I could pretty much guarantee I had been there.

I sat down on a chaise and just sighed. To be honest, I was feeling quite hungry despite my feed on rather delicious virgin blood the night before. I was tempted to dive into the icy waters and swim the rest of the way to New York. I would find myself a pimp and become a whore, as it was still on my to-do list. Carlisle was never overly keen on the idea of me using my body in such a fashion but still, I was ever so curious. Jasper never really expressed his opinion so much on the matter but that didn't surprise me. He was quiet and reserved, that Jasper. As I thought about it, I realized that I would miss him. I'd never bedded Jasper. He always reminded me of someone, someone that I could only vaguely remember.

I usually dismissed the thought however, but sometimes I let myself enjoy those fancies. I thought Jasper reminded me of the boy in my final human memory. I could visualize his honey blond hair reflecting the orangey Roman sunlight in that yellow room. It wasn't only his hair but his build, his hands and the way he danced. Oh my, I would miss Jasper and the way he could make me feel as we danced. The feelings I felt for Jasper were genuinely platonic for a long time, until I kissed him.

The way we kissed... There weren't words to describe. I guess I was interested in him a little after that but a little over a week after our kiss, we found Carlisle and my eyes were only for him.

I felt almost physically sick at the amount of time I spent chasing after silly human emotions. I didn't need love. I needed blood. I needed it like water, oxygen, a breath. I needed blood like a mother, a brother, a lover... a passionate touch or fervent kiss. I needed it like the life needed the sun and the nocturnal needed the night. Blood was the reason why I continued to live. Sex was just an extra, a subplot in my story. I sought only pleasure in life. Pleasure lay in blood and blood lay in humankind. Humans adored sex which made them stupid and practically beg for me.

Little did I realize that I was sitting in that chaise with my eyes closed and lips parted. I only noticed when I heard someone say my name.

"Bella?"

My brows furrowed and my heard turned to the source of the voice, to the right just to be exact. And I saw him. That sweet angel that saved my life. Without that angel, I would have been stuck in the life I hated. I would never have broken my bounds. I might have killed them, someday. I was honestly awestruck. Edward was lying on the chaise next to me, his knees up and feet flat on the wood. On his lap he had a notebook filled with carefully drawn staves that had various musical notes penned onto them. I knew a little about music, but then again, I knew a little of just about everything. I played the notes in my head and was pleasantly surprised. This boy was a natural musician.

He saw me eying his work and chuckled. "It's nothing. Just something I'm working on."

"No." I shook my head and smiled. "It's good. Really good actually. You never told me you were a musician."

To my utter delight, he blushed at my compliment. I grinned as I watched the blood shoot to his cheeks turning them the loveliest shade of pink I had ever seen.

"Nah, I'm no musician. This is just a hobby." He smiled as he rolled his eyes a little. "Hey, you never told me you could read music."

"Hold it up," I suggested and he did so. At that angle, it was a lot easier to see. Some of the notes I had mistaken before, due to his rather beautiful calligraphy and the bad angle I was trying to read at. It sounded so beautiful in my mind that I couldn't help but sing it out loud.

Edward looked almost as awestruck as I probably did when I realized he wasn't dead. "You never told me you could sing like that!"

"Don't sound too shocked," I murmured. "I practiced as a soprano for a while."

"You make it sound like you practiced a thousand years ago in a church choir." He joked at my indifference.

I just laughed, trying to keep just how right he was out of my expression.

"Sorry I lost you in there last night. My friend was far too drunk so I brought him up here to get fresh air. I didn't go back after that."

I wondered then whose blood I did drink last night then. I doubted that he had a twin brother onboard. Oh well. I guessed I got some other damned bronze haired virgin boy. Dear me, two in one ship. Talk about strange. I'd never crossed paths with this many bronze haired virgins before. I probably would have noticed if I had. Hmm, no that was I lie. I barely remembered half the virgins I'd killed, let alone the bronze haired ones.

"It was nasty." I wrinkled my face to emphasize how unpleasant it was. "They have a lot of Guinness down there. I got a little too drunk also. Actually, I've just had an argument with my husband's brothers over my bad behavior."

"Oh, that does sound rather vulgar." He tried -and failed undoubtedly- to keep the smirk out of his voice as he mocked my choice of words again. But it strengthened the smile on my face. It just seemed like fate, sort of; the way we were both there on that ship and he way he saved my life. The way I thought I'd taken his life like so many unlucky souls before him. Both of us in a way had been saved.

And above all, he made me smile.

"Bella, you never move your hands when you speak."

"What?" I asked, a little bewildered. Was I supposed to move my hands when I spoke?

"It's just, everyone I talk to gets really, really enthusiastic when the conversation, like, focuses on them. We've been talking about you for at least five minutes and your hands have barely moved at all."

"You're very observant," I admitted with a baffled smile. "I guess I don't really like talking about myself."

"You smile a lot though. I like that."

It was my turn to blush, but of course I couldn't. It was physically impossible. But I could imagine it. He was flirting with me, flattering me with his sweet nothings. He grinned and his eyes followed a rather fat man who was staring at us. Once Edward caught his gaze, his pace quickened as he stumbled on ahead, looking a little flushed. Edward looked a little worried too be honest.

"What's the matter?" I inquired.

"Do you know him?" He asked suddenly, sounding distressed.

"No, do you?"

"No. Why was he staring?"

'_Because I am absurdly beautiful and he is secretly fucking me in his head_' I replied in my mind. Ugh. The nerve of some people...

Edward's eyebrows furrowed, looking more distressed as each second fluttered by. "Now what are you thinking?"

"I'm wondering why you're so paranoid."

He shook his head and brushed his hand through his hair. "My mom was a real looker. Red hair, green eyes, all that jazz. But she constantly needed reassurement that she was beautiful. My dad died when I was a kid, so it was just me and her. I watched her as she would talk to guys. I could always tell what they were thinking from the way they looked at her. They all wanted to... well, you know. I guess ever since then I've always been a bit protective of the girls I'm around. I can't stand it when other guys look at girls that way. It's horrible. I always end up thinking about my mom."

I listened to him and his heartfelt explanation. I was honestly touched. This human boy was the exact opposite of James, who loved it when other men started fucking me in their heads. I hated it too. He touched my heart, then and there on that chilly morning.

"Where's your mother now?"

His eyes dulled suddenly and his lids fell halfway. He looked right at me when he said, "She killed herself."

I bit down on my lower lip. I must have reminded him of his mother, when I tried to jump off the end of the boat. I guessed that it made sense. He couldn't save his mother but he saved me. I doubted that saving me was such a good thing though. The awkward silence hung in the air for a bit, but not too long. Edward soon opened his eyes fully again and smiled softly.

"Sorry 'bout the deep piece of personal history there. I'm sure you didn't need to know that."

"No, no. Thank you, Edward. Thank you for entrusting me with that. I'm quite honored. No one trusts me with anything."

"Really? Why?"

I shrugged. "To my husband, I'm his property. Therefore, I have nothing in my possession. In his eyes, everything deemed mine is actually his."

"That's really low. Seriously."

"I know. "

"Do you love him? Your husband, I mean."

His question shocked me just a little. "I guess so. James is James, and he'll always be James. He spoils me."

"He thinks he can buy you with diamonds?"

"Yes."

"If I had a wife, she'd never get anything she wanted unless she worked for it. I don't believe in this guys are better than girls thing. I mean seriously, bring a girl up the way you would a boy, and bang, she's as good as the guys. I met this girl back in Coney Island a few years ago, and she wasn't a looker or anything, but gee, the guys there honestly respected her. I'd never seen anything like it. We went to a theme park, and boy, she ate a lot. She went on every ride and rollercoaster, never puked once. Went back to her place after and y'know had a few fights to pass the time. Kicked the shit out of everyone, she did."

As I listened to him, it made me realize how extremely dull my life had been. I wanted to work for a living, go to theme parks and have a husband who didn't think he was better than me just because I lacked a penis. I wanted to 'kick the shit' out of everyone without feeling blood-lusty or others feeling lusty for me.

"I've never done anything like that," I laughed lightly, keeping the envy out my voice.

"You will. I'll make sure of it."

This time there was a comfortable silence between us. We just sat and listened to the chatter of passersby, the sound of rolling waves and well, I was listening to his heart in particular. I tried not to focus too much on that beautiful wet beat too much though. Of course, I failed at that to my disappointment. It was like the perfect beat to the piece of music he was creating. I couldn't help but listen. I was a vampire and he was too close.

"So, did you hear that there's like a disease in the third class decks?" Edward began casually. "They said it was rats. So they've had to shut it off completely."

My eyebrows pinched. "Really? Is anyone sick?"

"I dunno. I just heard that a few people have died. They threw them overboard this morning. Hadda sleep out here last night."

I had a feeling that there wasn't any disease in the lower decks. It was my fault. Carlisle was right. I should have been more careful when feeding.

"That's awful. Isn't it freezing out here?"

"Nah, it's not that bad. Besides, these benches are a helluva lot more comfy than the bunks down there."

I shook my head in disagreement. "I doubt it!" And before I could stop myself I said, "Here, there is a spare room in my suite, you can have it."

"You're kidding."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Edward, why would I 'kid' about offering you a place to sleep where you won't die of hypothermia? Besides, it'll give my husband and his brothers a reason to stop yelling at me."

"True enough." He was silent for a moment, thinking. "Alright then."

"Good. Come with me."

* * *

Carlisle was nowhere to be found once I entered the room. Jasper was on his toes, arms held awkwardly in the air, moving as if in a dream. He was dancing with an imaginary partner. His expression was absolutely beautiful; as if in a stunning dream. Fluid, elegant, floating. The furniture had been pushed up against the walls so he had room. There was no music. Just his breathing; rhythmic, steady and of course, controlled. He hadn't heard Edward and me coming because he was lost in his dream, his dance. The atmosphere reflected his mood. I felt the need to just close my eyes and follow the feeling. Let my feet find their own way as I followed that beautiful sentiment that radiated from his mood. Jasper Whitlock was a wonderful man who could do no wrong.

Not anymore. He would never hurt a creature again because I would not be there, whispering dire things in his ear. I opened the door enough so the creak that had been irritating me for the past day or two destroyed his focus. It also allowed Edward enough room to peer in. Jasper jumped in shock and that shock radiated through the room and made Edward and I jump too. I just laughed and sauntered on in. Edward on the other hand was just as confused as Jasper was.

"Jasper, this is Edward Masen, the man who I owe my very life too," I announced. Jasper grinned at him and bowed just a little. Wow, he was in a good mood.

"Pleasure to meet you, Edward. I am Jasper Whitlock, James' brother."

"Hey," Edward said and nodded his head once. He didn't trust himself being in Jasper's presence, I could tell by the way he held himself. He also appeared a little nervous too. Maybe it was the scent in there? It must have been awfully sweet with all the vampires residing in that confined space.

I went to the air vent and slid the thing open. Maybe that would get some air in that awfully suffocating little room.

"How are you feeling Bella?" Jasper asked me gently. His eyes hinted at my farewell speech earlier on.

I shrugged indifferently. "Fine. Have you seen James and Carlisle?"

"No. Why?"

I smiled gently at Edward before focusing on Jasper again. "I need to talk with them. The lower decks have been closed off due to disease, I'm afraid. Edward was on the boat deck at the time of the closure and now he has nowhere to sleep. I have offered him the spare room in our suite."

Jasper's eyebrows furrowed. "What spare ro..."

"You know!" I interrupted loudly and skipped towards the room I'd claimed as my own with a huge grin on my face. "This spare room!"

One of his furrowed brows scaled his forehead. "Yes, yes. Apologies," he mumbled before his eyes flashed to the ugly clock that hung crooked on the wall. It was almost four. How time flew when one is having fun. Dear me, if time flew when one was having fun, my life must have been extremely entertaining. My life had passed by so fleetingly... "I will inform my brothers. I will see you later, Bella." He bowed his head to me and then to Edward before leaving.

Good God, what was I thinking? None of us were going to be able to eat now. All the rats were in steerage. There was no way Jasper and Carlisle were going to get down there without being seen. I had no doubt that crew members were guarding doors that in anyway lead to the third class. It had happened before once. I was on a ship to Italy, a century or two I created before I created and god, despite it being an old, creaky wooden boat; they were extremely uptight when plague broke out. Everyone was stuck in the hull. Dark, warm, claustrophobic even. Horrible. An awful lot of them died. Not all of them from disease...

James was going to eat me. I would not put it past him to try and sink his teeth into my neck in order to satiate his thirst. He wouldn't dare drink from a first class passenger. Lucky bastards as they were. They were far too easily noticed. They had papers, birth certificates, money and a family that would look for them. It was too big a risk. And if the Volturi found out we were being hunted down by humans, they would have our necks well before the humans would find us.

And Edward, dear lord. What was I getting him into? In the midst of four hungry vampires, Edward was not safe. I was compromising his life just because of my own selfish desires. Desires? Did I truly desire this boy? I watched him; studying the paintings I had convinced James to buy me. They decorated the ugly room; added a splash of color and a hint of contrast. Something for the eye to see and mind to contemplate. Something to make the brain wander, imagine. I found abstract art a type of dancing for the mind. Beautiful, in a way.

And he was so beautiful. He found the art as perplexing as I did. I gazed at him fondly. I couldn't imagine what was going through his little human mind as he stared at those wonderful paintings through weak human eyes. What would he see if he had my eyes? Would he find them even more beautiful? Would he see every speck of color, every hint of carefully thought out technique? Would he be able to comprehend the artist's thoughts as he painted? To read a painting, was to read a mind.

What was I going to do? I would keep him safe. He was mine. I would lie to James, to Jasper... to Carlisle. I would lie through my teeth in order to save his life. Edward would be mine. My little human pet. They would understand my desire to keep a human under my wing. They would not touch him. It was instinct. Finder's keepers. I found Edward, and if I wanted him, I would have him. They wouldn't be able to stop me, even if they wanted. I was part of their coven. I had my place. A place that they respected, despite everything.

I'd protect Edward with my life, if it came to that.


	9. Dead to Worse

**Chapter Nine: Dead to Worse**

_Present Day  
January 3__nd__ 2011, 03:15  
Forks, Washington_

"I'd like to take over from you now, if you don't mind."

Carlisle had his arms folded across his chest as he spoke. There was a speck of blood on the cuff of his shirt that he hadn't spotted. I wondered how it got there in a small, stupidly curious part of my mind. Was it from the animal he butchered? The pimp I slaughtered? I shook my head just a little, focusing. My eyebrows rose. "There is no need for your intrusion yet," I said passively, and flicked the page of my journal over a little too melodramatically. _Stupidly beautiful boy..._ He was going to make things harder. He already had, in a way.

"I'm afraid Isabella, there is very little for you left to tell and it would seem unwise to have to backtrack when I decide to fill my side of our bargain."

I clenched my teeth together. I was extremely annoyed with him. Perhaps, I should have been annoyed with him earlier but it was only sinking in now. How dare he try to take me in an alley? Of all places! I rejected him on Titanic, and I'd do it again and again until the end of time. He didn't deserve me. I deserved better than that beautiful angel of a man.

He was pissed with me as well. After the little episode with Emmett, Carlisle had realized that I had accidently let slip something I did not mean to tell him. He now knew that I had tried to claim land in Mexico for him and I. I doubt he would hit me or scold me, or anything of the sort. He just hated being lied too. I hated lying to him but some things were just better left unsaid. However, he was only one short jump away from realizing that I had created Jasper too. Jasper wouldn't utter a word, I knew him well enough never to a secret that was not his to tell. I did not know how Carlisle would react if he knew that Jasper had lied to him. I mean, I lied through my teeth all the time and there was no saving me from my sins, but Jasper... He was a different story. He was a true and honest man. An angel even. Carlisle admired him, like a father might admire his son. He loved him.

I hoped to God that Carlisle would never make that one short jump. That was unnecessary emotional stress I did not need. Not after all those long, tormenting years of thinking Edward for the dead.

My eyes caught his again. His gaze fell to his feet. Still nothing. He felt nothing for me. Even after a heavy petting session.

"Is that really necessary, Carlisle?"

Now all eyes were on Esme. That was the first time I'd ever heard her speak. Her voice echoed motherliness, loveliness and lots of other positive words that ended with –ness. Her golden eyes were as hard as frozen honey as she stared the death stare at her husband. Her hands were clenched into fists so tightly I wouldn't have been surprised if her perfectly manicured nails were cutting into her palms.

Carlisle turned to his wife, expression calm. What a horrible mask that man wore when the odds were against him. "Are you quite alright, darling?" God, he sounded patronizing.

"Do I look '_quite alright_' to you, _sweetheart_?" Her voice was very close to growling as she spoke with the same condescending tone he used with her. Anger was pushing her over that fine line that separated logical thinking and primitive actions.

"Shall we talk upstairs? I am sure we continue at some other time." Carlisle stood up and started buttoning up his cuffs. He finally noticed that spot of blood that has been irritating me. He touched his finger to his tongue and dabbed it onto the speck before tasting it. His face contorted, a mix of pain and pleasure alighting his expression.

It was the pimp's blood after all.

"No." Esme shook her head defiantly. "You will stay here, but I want _her_ out of my house."

Funny the way she looked at me when she said that. I'd obviously said something to piss her off. Inside, I was secretly blissful that I had managed to piss off two members of the Olympic Coven. Outside, I kept a concerned expression plastered on my face and put on the puppy dog eyes.

"Why?" Carlisle's eyebrow rose.

"All that girl has done is come into our home, disturbed our life, and go into far too much detail about her experiences with you! I've had enough of it!"

"If it were not for 'that girl', Esme, I would not be here right now. She made me."

"I don't care. I want her out."

I stood up and fixed my jeans. They were incredibly sexy. I rolled them up at the ends so I wouldn't fall over or do something _totally _humiliating like that. They were expensive jeans that used highlighting and contouring to make certain areas appear slimmer, such as the thighs and calves. My legs were pretty skinny already though and I'd lived with my body forever, but it was amazing that such a little thing like jeans could make such a difference.

I rolled up my sleeves. "Well, I'm all up for a catfight to earn my keep."

Carlisle hissed at me. I wasn't helping matters then.

"Naked catfight?"

"Sit down, Bella. You aren't going anywhere," Carlisle said sternly without looking in my direction.

I huffed. Crossing my arms tightly across my breasts, I let myself drop back onto the sofa. Jasper touched my shoulder and smiled gently. I just stuck my tongue out at him. I was feeling immature, I guessed. I supposed it had something to do with my mental problems. Oh well. It wasn't like anyone was going to kill me over something as silly immaturity. Well, that probably could be debated. Esme did seem to hate me. She wasn't the first. However, she was the first to hate me over something as petty as relationships. Most vampires hated me because I was beating them in living forever. Most humans hated me because I used to eat their towns and families.

I'd always leave one when I did that. Just to see the look of pure horror contort their pretty human faces as they watched their village burn.

Ugh. The thoughts of pillaging villages were putting me in the mood for African blood. They still lived liked the western world used to. Most of them were poor, lived in shacks and had very little to eat. Maybe I was doing them a favor by killing them off. However, they did feel the need to have eight to ten children in a decade.

Esme hissed at me before getting up. That action managed to induce audible intakes of breath from the other Cullens. I got the sense that Esme was a woman who was more human that vampire, most of the time. Ugh. It was vampires that like that that made me want to jump into my own grave. There was little point in giving immortality to those who put on a mortal façade.

I had obviously made the wrong friends if I held a perspective like that.

She walked out of the room without a second glance at the rest of us. Out the front door, I heard her run across the snowy lawn and the sound of her skirt tearing. She was very upset. I knew because I had ran away dramatically many times before in my extended life.

Carlisle looked at me. "Shall we continue?" he asked as he sat down.

I jerked my head once, giving him a vague nod. "Fine, but no one wants horrible mental images of you and Jasper sharing fish."

Carlisle remained calm, despite my efforts to unnerve him. Of course they had not ever eaten fish, according to my own knowledge but my words did cause some of the Cullens to gawk or grimace. He smiled serenely, but it was a mask. I could see the smirk in his eyes. If there was something I could say I knew about Carlisle that no one else had the privilege of knowing, was that he was cruel. He had brains. He wasn't stupid. The perfect poker player. I realized it a long time ago.

NEWWW SPACE LOLOLOL

_Carlisle's POV  
April 13__th__ 1912, 11:45  
RMS Titanic_

What had I done?

I stood before the door, my mind as blank as a cloudless sky. I had driven her away. I would never be able to find her when the ship docked. Her powers were too great. She was only a child when she was changed yet her gift was immense. The way she viewed the world still hinted at her immaturity. Always so curious. Always wondering. Her reactions were sometimes unpredictable, but she had become so spoilt. That beautiful touch of unpredictability was fading. I saw it when she threw violent tantrums; falling to the ground before my feet, sobs ripping out of her chest as she kicked and thumped at the floor. Screaming. Squeals that echoed dissatisfaction. Discontent with what? Me? Life?

Both.

Isabella grew less and less human with each brief second. Two hundred years ago, there was a spark of life in her eyes. Something I had taken for granted that would always be there. That spark glowed with anticipation, inquisitiveness and pleasure. Happy to have a companion, perhaps. I could not imagine it. Not even in my daydreams could I imagine her extended life. How could someone – a teenage girl of all people – have the strength to spend over a millennia and a half with no one for company apart from herself? Not even the toughest of vampires had the strength to carry on after their first couple of centuries. In her eyes, she had outlived the world. That spark of life was gone.

And what had I done? I drove her away, when all she was looking for was someone to give her the will to carry on forever. She had already tried to commit suicide on several occasions. Perhaps even more before I was born. She rarely spoke about her past. She was changed by a Romanian vampire who was creating an army of _children_. I still didn't know why. She never mentioned it. However, I knew that she had killed him because he would not let her go. He loved her. But she was still a soldier. A machine, perhaps. Driven by blood. So she killed him because she had locked her emotions away.

Oh Isabella.

That wasn't even her real name. To that day, I did not know her birth name. Sometimes, I peeked into her journal. Most of the time I couldn't read it but words such as 'Valentinus' and 'Marcia' I could recognize as names. They were written in horrible scrawl that was difficult to make out. It was a letter addressed to 'Valentinus' but I could not understand what was written on it.

Sometimes I wondered if Bella's father was a man named 'Valentinus' but I could not be sure. The letter meant something to her. I should not have read it, but I did.

God forgive me for my sins.

Jasper stood next to me, staring intently at the spot where she last stood. She would change her mind. Perhaps there was still a spark of unpredictability left in her. I could not get my hopes up though. I guessed I had been prepared for that day for a long time. Ever since I saw that disappointment in her eyes, not so long ago, I knew she would go. She would find another human. Find another to change and bring stimulation into her life. That was all that that little girl wanted. Someone to play with.

She was only a child, after all.

"What now?" Jasper murmured, the tone of his voice echoing the atmosphere that pervaded the room. A chill ran down my spine.

"I will find James," I muttered, shaking my head in sheer disbelief. I had to do what I had to do. James would prevent her from leaving. I hated him with a passion that my mind never dwelled on. He hurt my best friend... my mother. The girl who breathed the breath of new life into my lungs. The girl who gave me her immortal kiss… She could not leave me. I would be a weak shell of a man without that child. "If James knows her plans, she will not leave."

"Carlisle, you cannot do that. She will not stay with us. If James has a say... she will be miserable for the rest of her days. If James knows, she will stay with us in the form of ashes."

Jasper was right. James was so fond of Bella. I supposed I was jealous of him. I had watched James for the past decade. Watched and grew jealous of him. I watched the way he could fuck her without a second thought of who or what was watching. The way he could hold her like she was worth nothing. Spoilt her until she was only a fading ghost of who she was before they were wed. I was jealous. I wanted to be the one who destroyed her until she was only a feeble shell of the strong woman she was before.

I always kept her at a distance. The moral side of me never wanted to hurt Bella. I knew I could not stop myself from hurting her if I touched her. I would hold her face too tight until she cracked. Pull her hair too hard until she screamed… I would not do it. I hid behind a feeble faith I once believed in when I was human. In Bella's eyes, she only saw a man who was too in love with his god to worship her. That was the way it had to be.

Her screams haunted me. Those horrible cries whenever James hurt her.

I could not do that to such _une belle enfant_.

"What choice do we have?" I cried, not meaning to take my overwhelming emotion out on Jasper. My voice was breaking; a sign that sobs were forming. "I cannot leave her!"

"I feel the same, brother," Jasper whispered and stepped towards me. The toes of his shoes touched mine. I looked up at him. He was only slightly taller than I. He cupped my jaw with his scarred hand. "Bella will stay if you accept her feelings for you. She loves you. Why can't you see that? Everyone who has ever loved her as wound up dead. Why can't you admire her feelings for you? She might never love another again, all because of you."

Jasper was right. The fact that Bella was leaving was my fault. I needed to fix this. It was my duty to fix this. Now or never, I decided. I would admit my feelings for her and she would never dare try and kill herself or leave us again. We could get rid of James and Laurent. We could get rid of all ties that bounded us to them. Even if we had to kill them, I would do it for Bella.

"You are correct, Jasper. I will sort out this mess. Meet me by the clock at four."

OH IM SO SPACED OUT

Jasper met me by the clock as I told him too. In the past few hours, I had wandered the ship multiple times. For some bizarre reason, I found that most of the stairwells were blocked by members of crew and the barriers had been closed. I went up to one and asked why they were closed. He said something about death and disease. I knew immediately that there was no disease down there.

James was going to have her head for this.

I spent the rest of time searching for any unguarded entries that would allow me to descend to the lower decks in order to find rats. I could not concentrate like this. The burn in my throat was like an icy fire. So cold it burned. I needed blood. The smell of human blood passed me like a gust of wind. Warm, moist... uninteresting. The scent was appealing but nothing worth killing for. My tastes lay in the hull, where the rats were residing.

I saw Bella a couple of times as I walked around the boat deck. She looked like she was sleeping. She lay on one of those chaises, her forearm splayed across her face, covering her eyes. She and a boy were the only two sitting on the chaises. It was too cold for any other person to lie about. Bella looked so out of place, wearing next to nothing compared to some people walking around in huge coats. The boy seemed too absorbed in writing in his little notebook than to notice the beautiful vampire 'sleeping' next to him. Perhaps it was better that way.

Eventually, I gave up trying to find entry. I would have to wait. I had gone longer without blood before, it wasn't an emergency. Just uncomfortable.

"Good afternoon," Jasper said tightly with a quick jerk of his head. "Why did you want me to meet you here?"

"I cannot do this alone," I replied. "Knowing you will be there by my side is more of a comfort than anything else."

Jasper nodded, eyes still tight. "There is something you ought to know." My eyebrows furrowed. "I have been in the stateroom ever since you and Bella left. She returned just before I left to come here and meet you. She brought a human."

A growl? Low, long, constant; it slid out of my chest as easily as silk between fingertips. Why was I growling? She had brought humans home before.

"A boy," Jasper continued, ignoring my obvious displeasure. "James caught Bella last night, in the third class lounge 'partying' as you already know. Before James could clean up her mess, humans found the bodies. This has resulted in the third class decks cautioned off due to 'disease'. Bella has invited this third class boy to stay in the spare bedroom in our stateroom."

My eyebrows furrowed. "What spare room?"

I counted in my head, feeling foolish. There were only three bedrooms. One was mine and Jasper's. One was James' and Laurent's. The other was Bella's.

"She lied to him. The spare room she gave the boy was actually hers."

I growled again. She was going to claim that poor human. She had done it before. When she returned to Volterra to 'collect' me from the Volturi, as a parent would collect their child from school, she brought a boy with her. She was absolutely fascinated by him. Every move he made, her eyes watched curiously. 'Why does he do that' and 'I wonder what he's thinking. Do you think he likes me? I like him. A lot.' She was so obsessed with that poor boy; he never got a second's peace. He was a mute. He could not speak or hear but Bella was practiced in the art of body language, to my utter disgust.

We unknowingly travelled through a town infested with plague. That boy suffered terribly before she put him out of his misery. She was so broken after that. I wasn't completely sure why but then she came back after me. Throwing herself at me like grenade.

I should have kept my hands to myself. I should not have encouraged her. So I put myself at a distance, and broke her heart. But she never stopped trying. Even when she married James. He satiated her needs to be violent. Perhaps James was good for her. She hardly ever threw tantrums anymore. However, I found it hard to believe that that _creature_ could ever be any good for my Bella.

My Bella.

I was growing possessive.

"Good evening brothers."

Jasper and I had started walking towards the stateroom, and James was close behind us. I smelt him long before I heard him speak. He caught up with us and walked by Jasper's side. I think he preferred Jasper to me. There was more tension between them. James was attracted to tension and despair like two similar poles of magnets were drawn to each other. I doubt I would ever understand why. I doubt I would ever understand why Bella decided to marry that man. The only thing I understood was that she followed him for a while before she changed me. I couldn't see what she saw in him. All he ever did was hurt her.

Although, all I ever seemed to do was hurt her too. I was no better than him. Why was she so infatuated with men who treated her indifferently? She complained all the time about how everyone took her for granted because they would never lose her. She was a master at evasiveness. A world champion in immortality. A powerful ally. A dangerous enemy.

"Have you seen my wife?" James asked, his voice a little raspy.

"Oh yes. She is in the room. Why?" Jasper replied, his voice echoing the suddenly strained atmosphere.

James raised an eyebrow at Jasper, obviously feeling the sudden shift in mood. It felt like a burden; all the pressure of the atmosphere had finally caved in and rested on my shoulders. "I am hungry and it is her fault. I feel punishment is necessary, don't you? After all, you should not be against me. All the rats reside in the decks that were cautioned off."

A blonde woman wearing a pink dress with white lace sleeves and a V-neck passed by, eying us strangely. What were three hauntingly lovely blond men talking about rats and being hungry? James turned and winked at her, and she giggled before quickly turning the corner.

"What I would give for a taste of her," James murmured, his voice in a dream. He sniffed the air. "Pure, rich and one hundred percent British. I haven't pure British blood like that in centuries. All these foreigners coming and going, and tainting the richness of society is appalling. I don't feel for mixed blood."

I rolled my eyes at James' little rant. His life revolved completely around blood. Sometimes Bella. Always himself.

"I wouldn't know," I replied, voice hard. "Jasper and I plan on going down the fireman's passage tonight in order to get to the hull. Why don't you join us?"

Anything to save my Bella from his anger.

James grinned. "I like you Doctor Cullen. Perhaps Laurent and Bella could join us too. There is nothing I like better than fuck-"

I cut James off before he could finish that lucid sentence. "Very well. Jasper has blueprints of the ship's structure in our room. We will go over them now and figure out the best route in order to descend to the lower decks."

I heard music from inside the room. Bella must have turned the phonograph on. I slotted the key in the door, but I eyed James as he inhaled deeply. If there was one thing that annoyed me about trackers or hunters, they breathed very heavily. It honestly felt that every last speck of air in the room went right up his nasal cavity, leaving none for the rest of us. Oh well. It wasn't like we needed air. James' over-breathing was just something that irritated me. However, they did say when you hated someone everything they did was annoying. That was extremely true.

"There is a human in there," he whispered and slowly licked his lips. His eyes darkened, suddenly like black voids. I could smell the scent of that boy too. "My oh my, what has my little wife-y brought me home?"

James barged in before me, all curtsey forgotten in that moment of thirst. No. James never had any curtsey, ever.

We all stood shell shocked at the scene that played out before. Bella had her arms wrapped around the neck of a human boy, who held her waist. They did not notice our entrance at first. They moved slowly. The boy was a little clumsy and uncoordinated compared to Bella. Her feet moved expertly but she let him lead. They twirled around the room together. The furniture was pushed up against the walls to allow space to dance. But in her eyes, oh her eyes. I saw something that would haunt me for the rest of forever. I saw admiration. I saw life, curiosity, beauty, excitement and something my mind did not want to comprehend.

Jealously licked at my dead veins. Why could she never look at me like that? The boy she danced with, he was barely eighteen. He was nothing. He was human. How could she replace me with a human? She would change him and love him forever and always. Bella wouldn't care if he felt no love in return. She would love him forever and unconditionally. Well, perhaps forever was too strong. A century or two. I knew how she worked. She had loved me for the past two centuries despite how I turned her away. Now she grew tired of me, and turned to this boy. If this boy refused to love her after a while, she would not break.

She would love him anyway.

Bella jumped, shocked when her eyes caught James. She quickly pulled herself away from the boy and ran to James' side. She managed to hit the phonograph during her panic, which caused the music to jump to a stop. An awkward silence played out, the only thing breaking it was the boy's wet heartbeat, louder than a bass drum.

"Good evening James," Bella said with a grin and shimmied closer to James. However, he was not pleased with how she had acted. He slapped her square across the face. Her head snapped, too far I might add, to the right. If she were alive, the tip of the spine would have cracked, therefore killing her or permanently paralyzing her from the neck down. But she was not alive.

She fixed her stance and just plastered that grin back on her face. "Can I introduce to Edward Masen? I found the poor soul freezing outside! Due to that awful disease that has broken out in the third class, Edward has nowhere to sleep! So I have offered him the spare room here."

The falseness in her tone rang out clearly. She was trying to sound like James' action had not affected her when it quite obviously had. I was sure anyone would be rather annoyed if someone hit them with enough force to break their neck.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Edward," I said with smile and bowed my head.

Edward just nodded, looking a tad unnerved. I suppose anyone would be, being around four ravenous vampires.

"Fuck it," James muttered. "I cannot be bothered with you at the minute, Isabella." He turned to Jasper. "I'm going after that girl I met earlier. I'll be back with Laurent in an hour or so. Look at the blueprints and make sure you have it planned out by the time of my return."

With those words, James stomped out of the room, intentionally kicking Bella's favorite vase, with a vast array of colorful flowers arranged carefully inside, into one of her favorite paintings. James had bought it for her recently and it hung on the wall next to her bedroom door. Jasper's head was originally in the vase's collision path but his supernatural reflexes reacted quickly and he angled his head to easily miss the shot.

The minute James slammed the door closed, Bella started crying. She touched Edward's hand and guided him to the sofa, where she snuggled into him and cried into his shoulder. I watched the boy, to see how he would react. How could she do that to him? Drag a stranger down into her room and cry into his shoulder whenever her husband hit her? Men were always hitting their wives. It wasn't such a big deal. He touched her hair gently, delicately. He touched her like she was fragile, like he was scared to break that beautiful immortal child.

"Who is that woman he was talking about?" Bella sobbed tearlessly, her reddish brown eyes focused on me.

I shrugged. "She was just a passer-by. Pure, British..." I did not want to mention the word blood around a human.

Bella nodded, solemnly thoughtful. She turned to Edward. "I apologize for the domestic drama. Usually, he is not as short tempered as that."

Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Don't mention it. What's his problem?"

She shrugged. "He's hungry." Her eyes locked on Edward. "I am afraid to say that I have not been completely honest with you, my darling."


	10. Dead and Foolish

**Chapter Ten: Dead and Foolish**

_Present Day  
January 3rd 2011, 06:30  
Forks, Washington_

"You sure did think about Bella an awful lot," Alice murmured, her voice thoughtful not judgemental.

I shrugged, and answered before Carlisle could start digging a hole with that nasty tongue of his. "The created do not feel what the creator feels for them, however the created are instinctively... how would you put it? Connected? Tuned in to? However, no matter where in the world a vampire's maker may be, the created's mind will wander to them, sometimes randomly. Sometimes they cannot stop thinking about them, perhaps that is why Carlisle constantly thought about me."

They were all silent for a moment. I wondered if they were thinking about Carlisle. Of course, Jasper would be thinking about me. And there was something different about Alice as well. I couldn't place what exactly was different about her than from perhaps Emmett or Rosalie. However, there was something different about Jasper. Something different about Edward. But Alice, she must have been made by a completely different vampire. Did Jasper find her wandering? I heard a slight southern accent to her bell-like voice whenever she spoke. Was she the result of vampires wars too?

"Do you think about the one who made you?" Alice asked, her tone only suggesting that she was curious.

I shrugged. "Not so much anymore. He is long dead."

"Who was he?" Carlisle questioned, his eyes burning for more knowledge. If there was something he was completely interested in other than medicine and being a saint, it was my past. He was constantly asking me before I left him. I never told him a word, in case he would hate me and leave me.

I guessed I did not need to be worried about that anymore. I was going to leave him again anyway.

"His name was Cyrus," I recalled, my voice thoughtful. "His mother was a noblewoman of Greece, perhaps the sister of the king. His father was the king, or ruler, or something important of Romania. He was a little younger than I am now when he changed me. Far older than the Volturi."

"Tell us of your youth," Alice exclaimed. "I mean, we're all pretty young compared to you. None of us have met a vampire who knew the world when it was young."

I smiled, a little amused. "I have known some who claimed to be cavemen. Of course, the Volturi took care of them. They do not appreciate when some lie about their age. However, some may not have been lying either." I paused and took in their expressions. "The law enforcers of our kind are bullies, dictators, whatever. The second you hit one thousand years old, never stay in one place more than a century. There is a temporary power in the newly born. There is more permanent power with age. Whoever told you change was impossible, I tell you now, they lied. Look at me."

Their eyes scrutinized my face, my brittle skin, my fierce eyes. "Close your eyes," I whispered, voice soothing, coaxing. They did as asked without a second thought, and with their action I quickly snapped all of my shields back into place. Alice was the first to appear alarmed, so I crept forward. Quickly and without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her skinny little neck; a twig against my remarkable strength. She hissed, but there was fear in that hiss. The others reacted quickly, jumping to their feet and bending into offensive crouches.

I snarled. "Don't you dare move. I am invisible in the eyes of your instincts." I turned back to Alice and placed my lips at her ear. "When I was your age, I never had such control over my gift." I chuckled. "You think Aro wants you now, little girl, imagine yourself in one thousand years. We'll be together, me and you. By my side, grey robes hanging from your back and eyes as red as the blood you will bathe in every night."

I let her go and scooted quickly to the door, nothing in the natural world recognizing my movement. I smiled weakly at them all as I opened the door and turned off my two outer shields, so I wouldn't unnerve Alice anymore than I already had.

"I don't need her gift to predict the future. We will all fall victim to the Volturi. If I can kill a two thousand year old vampire at the age of a little more than seven hundred, imagine how weak you look to me, all of you." I shrugged and flipped my hair. "We are all going to die, because of me. I will tell my story. I will leave. We will die separately. Perhaps it will be easier that way."

I was about to leave when I heard him speak. An act of rebellion, nonetheless. I would not expect any less of that beautiful boy.

"No," Edward said, voice a little shaky. "You won't leave." He closed his eyes and took a breath. "You love me."

* * *

_April 14th 1912; 02:20  
24hrs  
RMS Titanic_

I couldn't take it. Ever since that afternoon, I had been thinking about Edward. I had confessed to him that there was no spare room. In a moment of guilt, I had told him that I lied to him so he wouldn't get cold. I offered him my bed. He got a little angry, I'll admit. Not because I'd lied to him and not because I had offered him my own bed, but because I had nowhere to sleep. I guessed that a little part of me hoped that he offered to share the bed with me but that was a dark, forward fantasy. He almost walked out of the stateroom, and that would have broken my dead little heart. I wasn't completely sure why though.

He was no one.

But I felt something for him. That something was dangerous, for both him and myself. Him as it would lead to him being cursed to this life and cursed with putting up with me for eternity. If there was enough compassion in me, I would have let him go, or at the very least killed him. That way I would get to taste that wonderful blood that coursed through his veins.

I stopped him from leaving, by grabbing his wrist and suggesting in a rather high pitched, desperate voice that I would be sleeping with James anyway. The worst lie that had ever been conjured up in my mind slipped between my nasty lips then. I told him that James and I had been trying for a baby for the past few months.

That broke my dead little heart more than I could have ever imagined.

So I did not dare to dwell on it.

It was twenty past two in the morning, and Edward had gone to bed around twelve. My bed. He lay in my bed, my bed with red satin sheets, golden silk cushions, pillow cases bejewelled with only the finest of diamonds and rubies. I could imagine his wild hair, spread over those splendid pillows. His eyelashes trembling with dreams. I wondered if he liked the bed. He may never have had slept in something so comfortable in his life. I never had. I could remember from when I was young, beds were made from straw and feathers, if I was lucky. Not overly comfortable, but I wished I had appreciated my bed more when I was human. It was a place where I was safe to slumber, safe to shut my eyes and rest.

Perhaps, my body never felt safe enough to completely relax anymore so I could not sleep. Maybe vampires had evolved enough to cope with their constant paranoia and therefore inability to sleep.

I could sense his peace. And my instincts wanted to take advantage of that beautiful harmony.

My sense of smell was overwhelmed with that wonderful aroma of his blood. My instincts could sense through the smell that the human was asleep and vulnerable. Perfect. No fighting. No screaming. Quick, easy and painless. I'd never been picky when it came to choosing my prey. Asleep, awake, vulnerable or not, they were all the same to me. I was a coward after all.

But I wanted him. I wanted Edward. I wanted his blood inside me, to give me the strength to keep moving through this endless forever.

So I got to my feet in a moment of complete self weakness. I held my journal tight in my grasp as I moved quietly. The scent of his blood called to me, sung to me like a song too beautiful for humans to really comprehend. They could never understand how fine a heartbeat was, how tuneful a pulse was. They could never appreciate what they took for granted. And I guessed I was the same in that sense. I took my beauty for granted, used to coax humans to love me. I took my vampiric abilities for granted. A human would give their very heartbeat, the only thing I had ever truly yearned for, to become what I was.

That was the fatal flaw of humanity.

Carlisle didn't look up from his complicated book on human anatomy as I walked past him. James was looking out the porthole, an empty champagne glass in his hand. He did not take any notice of me as I opened my bedroom door. Not even Jasper or Laurent looked up. Everyone was too caught up in their own thoughts to wonder what I was doing. However, I did see a little smirk on James' lips as I closed the door behind me.

Edward was even more wonderful than I could ever imagine.

His dirty shirt lay in a heap on the carpet. He lay with his arms open and head tilted to the side. So wonderful. I wanted nothing more than to go up to him and touch his cheek. The satin sheets were creased and only pulled up to his hips. His chest was unhidden. Young, slim, defined. The solider in me quickly went through a physical check. Fit, yes. Healthy, of course. Stupid... Yes. There he was in a vampire's bed. Of course he was stupid. Just like me. Only the stupid were made into vampire soldiers.

He was the perfect solider.

That was the only grounds I ever changed a human into a vampire, except Carlisle. He was an accident. My first and only accident.

I could change Edward. He would protect me from anyone who wanted me dead. A bodyguard. I didn't want to be alone when I got off this ship. If I were to bite him, right then and there, his conversion would not be complete by the time the boat docked. However, there were ways around that. If he could keep quiet...

No. I would not damn him for my own selfish reasons. I did not need anyone. I had travelled by myself for hundreds of years. I was a coward, I'd admit but I could survive by myself. I could go by forever without anyone. However, my forever was ending soon. My will for death was only getting more potent. With each failing attempt, the will grew. Life was like an itch I couldn't reach. It was getting painful.

Edward's lips parted and a little moan escaped. His eyelashes trembled. His fingers twitched. How could anyone be so beautiful?

I sat down on the chair next to the bed and opened my journal. I had bookmarked the next blank page with a piece of charcoal. I must have sat there for the best part of an hour. His scent did not bother me so much whilst I was so preoccupied with drawing his beautiful face. I never wanted to forget it. I sketched him with his eyes open though. Lucky for me, Edward was deep sleeper and didn't notice when I pushed his eyelids up to look at those wonderful emerald eyes.

I never wanted to finish that drawing, I soon realised. Every second I spent perfecting his perfect face was only prolonging the moments till his imminent death.

I closed the book and left it to one side. I unpinned my hair from the top of my head and took his face gently between my fingers. I could feel the hot little beads of moisture on his skin. I could feel his blood, hear his steady heartbeat. As I leant forward, his heartbeat began to pick up. The second my nose skimmed his neck, that beat was like a hummingbird's wings. I glanced at him, afraid that he had awoke. He had not. He was still sleeping soundly. My eyebrows furrowed. He must have been having a nightmare. Little did he know, he would never wake up from that terror.

"Bella?"

I shot bolt upright at the sound of Carlisle's voice. My instincts did not appreciate his intrusion. I growled at him.

"Leave me be," I muttered.

"Don't do this," he said. "You are better than this."

"Do not patronize me, Cullen."

"Look at him," Carlisle whispered. "He makes you happy, and you make him happy. Why do you kill anyone who brings you joy and keep anyone who puts you through agony?"

What he said affected me in ways I did not want to show. That was just who I was. I didn't know why I was a magnet for bad things. I was so used to it. Sometimes I noticed, whined about it and moved on. It was just the circle of my life.

"Do not make me repeat myself," I replied, refusing to raise my voice at him. "I cannot curse him as I have cursed you and Jasper."

"Leave him be then. Bella..."

He stepped forward and kneeled down next to me. It was so dark in the room. His lovely blond hair was tainted by the darkness, as was the beautiful silk ribbon he used to tie his short curls back. His dark eyes watched me, contemplating on what to say next. They fell to the floor all of a sudden. What was he thinking?

I used to my fingers to tilt his head up. "If you wish to say something to me, then you will speak in front our sleeping witness."

"Bella... I want to love you." His words didn't soak in for a few long moments as the silence played out. He spoke again. "I do not wish for you to leave me. I simply cannot be without you. That time you left me with the Volturi... I was merely half the man I was when you were by my side. Your presence makes me whole. Yet, you are still so young despite your age. You do not understand. When James..." His voice broke, like he was going to sob. I reached up and tucked a lock of stray hair behind his ear.

"Oh God." He looked towards the ceiling, perhaps trying to find some evidence of God somewhere in the darkness. "I cannot love you. Every time I hear James hurting you, when I hear you cry for help, I cannot do anything but listen. I listen and imagine, if I were the one making you scream so dreadfully and God forgive me, I lust in it."

His face was contorted so, I thought he was going to cry. He was so horrified and ashamed. I took pity in him. His words merely surprised me, didn't shock or disturb. I had met men who had described in absolute detail their wildest fantasies. Some of which were more disturbing than others. However, I had lived long enough to learn not to judge him. Perhaps once upon another time, Carlisle's admission would have disgusted me. Perhaps I might have recoiled. Not anymore.

I laid my hand against his cheek. "Oh, my darling. What a fool you are to think you could not tell me such a thing. I love you and I would never judge you. You can trust me with anything, and if something as little as some sadistic tendencies stand in the way of your will to love me, then you are a fool. After all, I must be a masochist if I am surrounded by men who wish to hurt me, one way or another."

Carlisle glanced at the boy next to me. "All but one."

I looked at Edward too. "All but one," I repeated quietly and took Carlisle's face in my hands. I kept eye contact with those sparkling dark eyes. "My darling, you must know that I love you. How I have yearned for you all these years and how I wished for you to love me. Your admission has finally brought me to see the light. You have loved me. I see it now. Your sadism has kept you from loving me because you knew that it would hurt me. Hurt is how you show your love for me and I finally see that. However," I paused for a moment and pulled his head to rest on my breast. I stroked his hair like he was a little boy. "I must regretfully decline, as I must admit myself, I think I have fallen for our sleeping witness."

Carlisle pulled back from me suddenly, so suddenly, that he fell back himself. He fell backward; his hands quickly stretching back to catch his fall. I stared at him and he glared in return. Such a gentleman...

"You are so very cruel, Isabella," he snarled. His voice was loud as I had been sitting in silence for so long. The noise rung in my ears and I was scared it would wake Edward up. Only those who deserved to rest got to rest. "You have thrown yourself at me since the moment you brought me into this cursed life! The very moment I give myself to you, you reject me like I'm worth nothing! Why have you lead me to believe that you loved me, that you wanted me? Was that your intention? To hurt me as I have hurt you?"

I shook my head, eyes hard. "I have never led you on. I will always love you. You have had just over two hundred and forty-six years to admit your love and you wait till the very moment I say I am going to leave you and admit my love for another before you confess your love for me? That is not love, Carlisle. That's desperation. You will find your soul mate, as I have found mine."

"You have known the boy for three days and you proclaim that he is your soul mate? That is not love. I should never have prevented you from killing him for that is lust in its purest form."

I shrugged. "Time is meaningless to one who is ageless." I chuckled as I looked over at my sleeping angel. "We'll see if what I feel for him is lust or love."

"Bella!"

I laughed quietly, humourlessly. "Such dirty words should only excite you, my darling. Perhaps hurt you too, but know they are only words."

Carlisle got to his feet, turned his back to me and quickly left the room. I followed him, not wanting to finish the longest conversation I had had with him for years. It was only later I realised that I did not close the door behind me.

James looked as angry as ever as we emerged from the room.

"I am not happy, Doctor Cullen," he growled. "How dare you try and claim what is mine?"

"Bella is not your property," Carlisle muttered as he threw himself onto the sofa next to Jasper. I doubt he had even moved in the past hour. I wondered idly what he was thinking about. What was going on in that old soldier's mind? Then I realised. That poor man was probably suffering. The scent that wafted through the room was probably killing him from the inside. I suddenly felt protective over Edward. He wasn't safe there.

"James, darling, all is well. Why don't we go to your bedroom?" I suggested as I laid my hand against his chest. I stood on the tips of my toes and kissed his neck, hoping his lust would make him forget what he heard. I was foolish to think such things.

"You," he snarled. I refused to let myself flinch. "You were going to leave me! You were going to leave me for that child!"

I stood my ground and looked into his dark eyes. He must have been very thirsty. They had tried to descend to the lower decks earlier, but the third class passengers must have had a meeting or something. They had all split up and were revolting at different passages which led to the boat deck. The crew too were busy trying to calm them down as well as keep their distance. It was too difficult to try and to get lower so they decided just to try again the next day.

"James, calm. That was simply a lie, my love. I would never leave you for something as silly as a human. It was a lie to prevent Doctor Cullen from taking what is yours, my darling."

I didn't know whether he believed me or not. Carlisle wouldn't believe me, he knew me too well. I watched James' eyes, hoping to a god he would just go to the bedroom. I couldn't protect Carlisle from him.

"Very well, little girl. Just so we are clear, I do not want you to be near that human. If I find that you have been lying to me, you will wish he had never been born. There are so many ways to torture a human without spilling a single drop of blood. And I promise you, _darling_, I will fuck him as I kill him before your very eyes."

I gulped the venom that had been building in my mouth. I nodded one quick jerk before switching to plan B. I removed the distance between us and picked up his wrist. He allowed me to move his arm freely, so I laid his hand on my breast. He wasn't ready to give up just yet. His eyes were on Carlisle as he administered slow, thoughtless squeezes to my breast.

"And you, Doctor Cullen, will leave my wife alone! She is mine, and she rejected you herself! I will kill you also if you try and win her over. I swear-"

Completely out of ideas, I succumbed to plan C. This was my least favourite plan and I really needed to think of new ones. I hated bringing myself so low, especially in front of my boys. However, the more I let James speak, the angrier he was going to get. The angrier he got, the more likely he would kill and burn everyone in the room.

It had happened before.

It was just after we destroyed our first village together. He was boasting to some vampires about what we did and whatever happened, he got pissed. I made a run for it while he danced round flames and purple smoke, scared for my own life. But for some reason, I still ended up following him. He didn't know at the time, but I was watching his every move.

I flipped my hair behind my shoulders and fell to my knees. James looked down at me, bewildered and I felt a little of my dignity die as I pulled down his zipper.

**

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****A/N: Please review!**


	11. Heart of the Dead

**Chapter Eleven: Heart of the Dead**

_? POV  
January 2nd 2011, 06:01  
Denver, Colorado_

There was something different about that day. The world was a little darker, the air a little heavier. That was how every day felt. The world became a little darker, and the atmosphere increased its pressure on my shoulders. I suppose that might have just been one of the curses of living so long. How long would I have to deal with that endless torture? Sometimes I found it difficult to walk with a straight back. Sometimes I felt like a cripple. The days were not getting any easier, yet I never felt any desire for death.

Even as I sat upon the highest building in Denver staring at the snowy mountains to the west, I felt no desire for death. The atmosphere could have collapsed at that very moment and I still would have had the will to live on. There was still blood to taste, cities to see, massacres to take part in. And I still had not found _her_.

The one who got away, as I always referred to her in my head.

Perhaps whenever she was finally dead, I too would feel the will for an everlasting sleep. I did not count on it. There would be others who would get away due to my old age, just as she did. The world was not a place for her. She was dangerous, so very dangerous. Invisible in the eyes of instincts, she was. But she was stupid, young, naïve, _beautiful_. The vampire who created her ought to have waited until she was older. She was ruled by her emotion and could never be a true vampire. She could never live to her full potential.

All because she was too young to live without love.

The winds changed direction then. A scent I had not known in centuries filled my head and caused me to tremble with anticipation. Fate was finally on my side. It agreed that she had to die. I had stopped her from suicide whilst she was under my wing, and I regretted it. I should have killed her when I had the chance.

That feeling when your prey got away and you could not find them, felt like a broken promise or discordant melody eating at your very bones. The hairs on my arms stood on end as the clouds rumbled with electricity, adjusting to the change of wind. Snow fluttered from the heavens as I got to my feet.

Gazing towards the west, looking behind the mountains and cloud cover, I smiled. Finally, I could find her.

_Bella POV  
Present Day  
January 3__rd__ 2011, 10:33  
Forks, Washington_

I suppose some things I should have kept to myself. Carlisle and Jasper grimaced at the memory, while Alice, Rosalie and Emmett just looked down right appalled at the mental image I'd put into their heads. Edward on the other hand, seemed completely out of it. His eyes were somewhere else, those ochre eyes squinting to see behind that cloudy veil that hid those memories. Why? Why was he trying so hard to remember something he was asleep during? Or was he? I was already so preoccupied with preventing James from getting so angry, he'd kill anyone in sight so Edward could very well have woken up and I would not have noticed. Was that what he was trying to remember?

"Do you recall any of this?" I asked him, my voice failing to disguise my excitement.

"Yes and no," he replied, eyes still squeezed shut. Oh my, he reminded me so much of Carlisle when he tried to remember his human life. "I cannot be sure if it's a memory or a dream."

"There is only one way to know." I grinned and rushed over, kneeling before him. I took his hands in mine. I could feel many yellow eyes boring into me, cautious of my inhuman movement. Edward barely noticed me. He was too preoccupied. "My darling, tell me what you see."

"It's dark," he said, but I could tell by his tone that was not all he had to say. "But there's a light. A narrow, vertical slit of light. It's getting bigger, but it's blurry. No... it's not getting bigger. I'm getting closer; that's it. Oh!"

He jumped suddenly. I gripped his hands, undoubtedly excited that he might have remembered something of our time together. Even if it wasn't much... it was something. There had to be something in his mind to prove that he was my Edward. There was little to prove though. I could find my Edward behind that frozen mask of beauty and perfection with ease now that I had studied his face so much.

When I compared his vampire face to my sketch of him, I found him there. I found that little flaw in his upper lip. There was a tiny, minuscule difference in color between the lip tissue he had been born with and the tissue the conversion had covered the flaw with. There was the beauty mark beneath his eye. The only human flaw that remained from his conversion. Why vampirism found perfection within moles and birth marks, I did not know. Yet I loved that little flaw.

"Hush now; there are voices!" he gasped. I was so happy I felt like I was going to burst out of my skin. "I can hear someone..."

"What are they saying?"

"_James darling, all is well, why don't we go to your bedroom?_" He whispered and his ochre eyes were suddenly wide. "It's true... Your voice... My God..."

He was silent, so silent. Silently pondering. Silently in awe. His eyes shone with it. And he was beautiful as he was caught up with his reverie. Damn it, he was beautiful all the time. Too beautiful, too perfect. Too different, maybe. Could I really love someone I'd known for a total of six days? I almost laughed. I'd known Edward six days of my endless life. Yet I was so hopelessly in love with him. I felt like a teenager in one of those annoying teenage romance novels. I wanted to do everything with him. I even wanted to go fishing with him. Not for the fish, but just to be with him. I'd go to Mars, if that was what he desired.

He took my face between his palms, his fingertips brushing the curls framing my face. "You're real. The moment I awoke in Chicago, Carlisle and Jasper weren't there. The first word out of my mouth was your name. Not one of your many false names, or pretend names. Not those false identities and pseudonyms you hide behind. The name you were given, back when Rome was young."

That time, it was my turn to be awestruck. I'd forgotten. I'd been so caught up in self pity and misery for the past near century, I'd forgotten I'd told him my name. The second man to ever know my real name. The first was the one who made me a vampire. There was something in that, something that made my dead heart feel like it was beating like a hummingbird's wings against the air.

"You remember," I whispered.

"I was afraid to leave the room Carlisle and Jasper had left me in, but they did not take long to return. By then I had recalled you did not wish for anyone to know your name, and I remembered your false name. I must have looked like a desperate man the second they walked into the room. There was nothing in my mind but you. No thirst, no hunger. Just the ache to see you once again. All I had to say to them was, 'Where is Isabella?'."

His thumbs caressed my cheekbones and my eyelids. I could feel each loving pull of every individual eyelash as he brushed my lids. His hands fell down my neck, touching the chain there. Just feeling his hands on me, and knowing that he remembered me was enough to take my breath away. Could he feel it too? Could he feel that static pulling our flesh together? Maybe it was just me. But the way he was holding me, touching my neck... I found it hard to believe that he didn't want to love me.

"I'd forgotten. I thought you were a dream, an angel. Something my mind had conjured up, though I couldn't figure out why. When I saw you, upstairs when we were putting that mirror onto the wall, I knew I recognized you. Your face..." he touched my nose with the tip of his finger. "I knew I had seen you before, once upon another time."

I shook my head and my eyes fell to the floor. "I love you; you must know that. However." I took to my feet and pulled away from him. "Once upon that another time, our story had only begun. I chose to turn the page and made choices which would undoubtedly kill one of us. Yet neither of us is dead." I sighed and looked to the ceiling, afraid to look him in the eyes. "You must know that I am a coward, at best. Lowly, worthless. Behind this beautiful façade, there hides a defiled _thing_. If fear and cower had a face, it would be mine. Do you think that I have lived my life making the right choices? No. Most definitely not. I choose myself above anything and anyone else."

"What are you trying to say?" Edward asked, his tone emotionless.

"I'm saying that I left you to die, in exchange for my own life."

"Would you do it again?"

I did not reply, afraid to tell a lie. I couldn't tell the truth because it would hurt him. I couldn't tell a lie because I knew myself too well. In times where my life and the lives of others were put at risk, I came first. I didn't really know why. My mind went into overload, looking for loopholes in order to preserve its existence. Sometimes it wasn't worth it. Especially the last time. Ninety-nine years without Edward was torture that I could have done without.

He sighed. I glanced at him, scared to see his eyes. But they weren't cold at my admission. He didn't look too upset. Why? Why wasn't he upset that I would leave him for the dead, if say the Volturi walked through the door right then? It didn't make any sense.

"Your honesty is refreshing," he admitted, his sharp eyes flashing to Carlisle as he finished speaking. "It is a pity your_boy _did not learn from you."

My eyes slid to Carlisle. He looked upset. "I did it for your own sake, Edward."

"How?" Edward laughed, his tone humorless.

"She is crazy!" He laughed too, mimicking Edward's tone. I scowled at him, offended. Deep down, I knew that he was right. Only the ones that lost their minds managed to live the longest, after all. That was especially true with Volturi, who grew more paranoid about vampires coming to eat them every day. "If I had told you that Bella was indeed a real person, you would look for her. Maybe you would have found her. If you had, she would have killed you. She would have killed Jasper and I as well."

"Why?"

"Why indeed." Carlisle watched my eyes. "Why would you kill us Bella?"

I folded my arms across my breasts and gazed at my angel through my lashes. "Because I regretted biting you the second my teeth sunk into your flesh."

_April 14th 1912, 21:00  
2hrs 20mins  
RMS Titanic_

"What are you thinking?"

I smiled, and let him pull me closer. We were in the private promenade deck I had persuaded James to let me have. I hadn't used it in a while so I thought Edward and I could eat dinner together there. Well, he could eat and I could pretend to eat. Dinner had yet to arrive, so we were dancing to the phonograph. Slowly, unprofessionally. We just let the music and the feeling move us. I had spent the entire day with him, despite James' warning.

I could smell when James was coming and he couldn't track me, so whenever he was getting too close for comfort I grabbed Edward and we'd move. The ship was huge after all and without James' supernatural hunting techniques and vampiric skills, he was powerless. He could track Edward, of course. Although it could be debated on whether he'd put two and two together and realize that Edward was not actually alone. I seriously doubted it. He wasn't so intent on killing me that he actually try and do arithmetic.

I'd just have to pay for it later.

"It's such a lovely night, don't you think?" I gazed out the porthole, my head resting on his shoulder. "The stars are sparkling and the sea is like glass. So calm and beautiful. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, just curious," he replied and touched my hair. "Will your husband kill me for holding you like this?"

I laughed. "Don't worry, darling. I'll protect you from mean old James. He's just a bully. All bark and no bite."

He seemed to relax at that. His fingers trailed down my spine, between my shoulder blades. I was wearing a short sleeved cream dress with a navy sash around my waist. The back of my dress was open, showing most of my back. His fingers were so warm and moist against my icy skin. They felt wonderful. I could feel the blood beating against his flesh and it was soothing, in way. Feeling a rhythm behind skin was something I had not experienced. Usually, my contact with humans was restricted to my pelvis and my teeth. We fit so perfectly, Edward and I. He was the music to my dance. The dancer in me was always choreographing the perfect dance to the music of his life. There was music in life, something I had not realized until I had met Edward.

"I don't know." His fingers pulled through my curls. "Sometimes it seems like your empty. I don't want to offend you or anything, but I'm pretty good at reading people. You're something different, something unique."

I bit down on my lower lip to stop myself from giggling. I was made of steel. Something as little as empty was hardly an insult. If anything it was a truth.

"You're something new to me too," I said and lifted my head from his shoulder. I looked into those perfect emerald eyes, and I could see his soul. I swear I could have. "I want to ask you something, Edward and I want you to reply honestly."

"Of course."

"I wish to leave my husband and his brothers. I don't want to see them again. However, I do not wish to travel America alone. Would you accompany me? You do not have to answer straight away. I know this is very forward."

He laughed and took my face between his palms. "Are you kidding? Hell, I'd love too! I'll take you anywhere. After momma passed away, I grew up wanderin', y'know. Lots of trains, new places, boats too. We'll go somewhere far away, me and you."

"Really?" I whispered. His words touched my heart. He wasn't repelled from me and he wanted to spend time with me.

I could imagine it. A life without crude people, scrutinizing and selfish. A life without other vampires, a life like I had before I'd met Carlisle. I honestly couldn't decide whether I preferred to be alone or with company. The company I'd surrounded myself were not at all vampires I should associate with, my creator would have said if he still existed. Animal suckers were outcasts, back in the day when I still roamed with the man who made me. However as years passed, more and more turned to that lifestyle. Perhaps it was evolution. Perhaps I was watching vampires evolving. Watching but never becoming.

The beast inside me would never allow it.

Of course, there was never really a beast. I used the term beast to describe my instincts, even though we were one in the same, I felt that we were two separate entities. There was the beast, which was beautiful, red eyed and wanton, and killed passionately and indiscriminately. And then there was Bella, who was my moral side. The side that could feel a spark of human emotion, every now and again. I knew very well that we, the Bella and the beast, were one in the same. However, it kept me sane... having something to blame whenever I sinned.

"I'd never lie to you," he breathed and touched the back of my head. He coaxed me to lay my face in that corner where his shoulder met his neck. I inhaled his intoxicating aroma, like an addict snuffing heroin. I could control myself. I wasn't thirsty. I'd never be thirsty enough to take him.

That was a lie.

He wasn't safe. He was never safe. He would never be safe by my side. I was a threat myself. I would drag him everywhere and anywhere. I couldn't sense disease, I could only taste it in the blood and see its results with my own eyes. It would be like that other time... Edward couldn't suffer like that. I wouldn't let him.

If anything, I would change him out of compassion.

Would that be okay? I had only changed humans because I was in need of armies. Those newborns never lived more than a year, so they were different. But could I really change him to keep forever?

"You're right," he said and I felt him lay his cheek against the top of my head. We moved slower now. We weren't really dancing, just sort of turning ever so slowly on the spot. "The sea is really still, and with that sea mist... it's like ice."

I realized quickly that he was watching out of the porthole. "Perfect season for icebergs," I chuckled. Ships never struck icebergs. They only hit vampires who needed more competition in their existence, so they came to the middle of the ocean and wrecked passing ships. I'd only ever done it once.

My arms were falling lower and lower down his back. I wouldn't be able to stop myself if I got too far, so I gently let him go and moved back. I looked into his eyes. "Let's sit. Dinner will be coming soon."

_Carlisle POV  
April 14th 1912, 21:55  
1hr 25mins_

"WHERE IS SHE?"

James' voice was getting louder by the second. For the past three hours, he had been ranting on and on about Bella's 'disappearance'. Of course, she had not 'disappeared' but was with that boy. James could not hunt Bella down, like he could - and had done with - the rest of us but had yet to realize that Bella was more than likely with her human. He could hunt him down in an instant, yet he had not bothered to go and find him. I had even hinted to him about Bella's whereabouts but that man was so self-absorbed and could barely see past the end of his own nose, let alone realize the obvious.

According to him, Bella would never betray his word. What kind of world had he been living in for the past ten years? Bella had been going against him from the moment she said 'I do.' She never wore her wedding or engagement ring, she was always flirting with me, always fucking some human... Never had she been loyal to that man.

I flicked the page of the book I was reading a little too melodramatically.

I was sulking, as Bella would say. I was sulking because of how she led me on for years and rejected me for a human. A human! All these years I believed there was something beautiful in humans that vampires had lost. Something innocent and lovely. Something that made saving their lives worth it, even though I knew they would die in the end. Why was I so annoyed? The boy would die eventually; she would crawl back to me with her tail between her legs, hypothetically of course.

However, there was doubt flaring like wildfire in my mind. What if she decided she never wanted him to die? Would she change him? She was more than capable, after all. She made me without fail, in the middle of a hunt of all things. Why would she change him? She'd barely known the boy for days and yet, she wanted him over me. Why? How could she love him? Love could not possibly flourish into a beautiful blossom in mere days. It wasn't possible.

That was when I realized how closed minded I'd become.

Medicine and science were closing my mind to wilder things. I was a vampire after all, something that science had yet to discover. If vampires existed, then why couldn't love at first sight? I sighed. If it were anyone else, I would have accepted it. I just wanted Bella, with a passion I didn't dare try and comprehend.

Then an idea struck me. What if the human were forced to flee? What if he... found out what she was? Oh. _Oh._ He would be terrified. He would suddenly realize everything, everything about how inhuman she really was. No longer would he be able to accept her icy skin, darkening red eyes, flawless beauty and radiant physique. He would flee in fear of his life. He would reject her, and that would send her crawling back to me. And I'd take her, claim her and make her my own.

However, such a plan would only backfire. The Volturi had a man named Rune as part of their Guard. He was the reason the Volturi knew of each offence against their law and were able to respond so quickly. How troublesome. I suppose I could bargain with them. They did appear to like me when I met them, much to Bella's distaste. Bella was still an active member to the Guard when she introduced me. Well, that was what Aro told me. She was doing him a favor in Mexico while he babysat me.

What was happening to me? I was never a man driven by passion or jealousy. Why was I suddenly so... zealous? Why did I want to mark that immortal child and claim her as mine? I was always a peaceful, reserved man. Quiet, content with what I had. And suddenly, it was all ripped from me by this boy. Beautiful as he was, I could not accept him. I couldn't adjust to change like that. I was not the young man I once was, all those years ago. Humans were so flexible when it came down to change. Seeing my Bella, my lovely little girl, with a man she truly adored and loved was something foreign to me.

I could see it in her eyes that she adored him and that hurt beyond belief.

The door opened then to my surprise. The surprise was there because my instincts had not sensed Bella, but there was presence in that absence. By sensing the lack of presence, I knew she was there. And she was alone. I glanced at her. My, she looked beautiful in that dress. Her wonderful, doll like brunette curls cascaded down her back, those silky locks brushing the seemingly fragile, milky skin of her back. I could tell by her skin color that she was never meant to be so pale. If she grew up in Italy, of course her skin would have been a little darker.

"Where have you been?" James asked, his voice collected yet ready to screech at any given moment.

"Oh, everywhere and nowhere," she replied, her voice in a dream. "Will you run me a bath, James?"

She reached behind her back and started unzipping her dress as she headed towards her bedroom. James was in front of her suddenly. "Where is the boy?"

"How would I know, darling?" She chuckled. "You told me to stay away from him after all. Won't you give me a hand?"

She reached for James' wrists and wrapped his arms around her waist. I recognized her actions. She was distracting him from prying about Edward before he got too annoyed. I'd never seen him really irritated before though. Usually because Bella had shown up and sucked him off before he really could. She was so afraid of James and I couldn't help but wonder why. She was older, wiser and invisible to his instincts, therefore had the clear advantage if they were to fight. Jasper and I would help her too, if a fight ever occurred. All James had was Laurent, who never seemed to talk.

I wondered why.

I turned away from the married couple and stared at the tiny, complex text printed onto the page. The words seemed illogical and didn't make sense. Or maybe that was just me. After all, the lust in the room was uncomfortable so I couldn't relax enough to read my book. I glanced at Jasper, who seemed to have taken the same statuesque posture my body had stiffened to. We were used to this. In James' mind, there was no shame in public gestures of lust. To him, it showed power and authority. To me, it wasn't right.

Bella just took it, like the submissive child she was.

I shook my head, just a little. It had been too long since I'd last shared my lust with another. Abstinence from sex seemed like a good way to try and reclaim my innocence;, however it was a good intention I failed to keep most of the time. It had been three years since my last time, and it was with a woman who was dying of cancer. Before that, a girl with the plague. Before that, Bella.

God, it had been far too long.

Jasper glanced at me. Knowing that look, I nodded and we both made our quick escape. We climbed onto the boat deck and strolled, enjoying each other's company without feeling the need to speak. The night was cool, refreshing. There was no feeling in atmosphere, which was a relief to us both. With so many humans around, emotion was everywhere. Jasper must have suffered terribly, as he felt emotion anywhere. Like a sixth sense, he could sense emotion much stronger than anyone else. I couldn't help but wonder what it was like.

"I can smell that boy," Jasper murmured and glanced to his left. Lying on a bench was the boy, a cigarette between his fingers. He stared at the stars and his cheeks were the loveliest rosy color I'd ever seen. He hadn't noticed mine or Jasper's presence, but that was hardly surprising. I was curious to know why he was out there in the cold. Then I realized, and it felt like a slap on the face. Bella was getting rid of James. After sex, James would go and find some human men to lounge with. Laurent would follow him without a word.

Without James, Bella and Edward could share their love with one another.

Jealousy panged somewhere deep in my long silent heart. It hurt, to say the least. I felt so out of character. Never in my two hundred and forty six years had I felt the urge to rip out an esophagus as I had when I stared into those emerald green eyes. However, I would not because it would only hurt her... hurt her in an unforgivable way.

Yet still I called for the boy. She would never forgive me for what I was about to do.

_Bella POV  
April 14th 1912, 22:20  
1hr_

James kissed my neck softly, his breath tickling the tender skin there. He was always a little breathless after two way sex. I guessed it surprised him. I never really contributed, just let him get on with it. There was heat, no fire, no love. Not even blood. I couldn't feel anything. But I'd contributed that time as it would allow Edward and I time together.

I just hoped to Lucifer that he would not smell Edward on my skin.

I was going to regret my actions. I'd be too harsh, which would result in bruises, blood and broken bones. I'd be too cautious, which was not expected of a wife. He would be the virgin, not me. I would be the one to coax him and remind him that all was fine. Oh, but I would lose control. I could sense it. My instincts would make sure of it. They would sense the blood, and crave it. They would feel the tender skin brushing mine, just longing to be bitten. I was afraid I would kill my boy. I couldn't... I just couldn't kill him...

God, what was I doing?

Why was I asking God? I held no faith. Never had I held any faith and that was the way it would stay.

"Come," he whispered as he took my hand. James coaxed me from the bed and sat me down in front of the dresser. I could barely recognize myself. My skin was too grey, too pale. My eyes were black, yet as shiny and radiant as onyx. My eyes hadn't sparkled like that in the longest of times. My hair was parted in a strange way too. Instead of running down my back like it normally did when I occasionally wore it down, it was split down the middle and thrown over my shoulders, so each section covered my breasts.

It wasn't that strange, really... My hair only sat one way naturally and that was when it was curly and cascading down my back.

James had walked out of the room. I thought I heard him turning on the taps of the bath. Good. I needed to be at least room temperature if I didn't want to freeze Edward to death. I wondered why he never asked about my skin or eyes. He was so quiet when it came to noticing the strange things about me. Could he see behind that? Could he see me behind the immortal façade? I didn't know. I pretended though. I pretended to think that he could see the human I once was behind the mask I could never pull off.

He walked back into the room, a box in his hand. He must have put on one of the provided robes on, which were hanging on the bathroom door, when he was turning the taps on. I watched him through the looking glass as he gathered my hair and gently swept it behind my back. He took something from the box, too fast for me to see what it was and brought his hands around my neck. I held my breath, cautious. He quickly brought the two ends of the chain and linked them behind my neck. I gaped as I stared at the heavy thing that hung just below the center of my collarbones

James looked proud. "Lovely," he murmured.

A massive heart shaped sapphire hung from my neck, on a white crystal studded chain. The heart was fringed with silver and the piece of jewelry itself was magnificent. James must have spent a pretty penny on that thing. But why? He didn't love me. He stayed with me for the sex and the thrill of being with the girl who had evaded death for so long. Perhaps he was trying to sway me by showing the perks of being with a rich man. Over the passing years, I'd become so spoilt. I loved material possessions and having ostentatious jewelry.

I was not who I used to be and I was hating what I was becoming.

"What is this?" I whispered and pressed my fingertip, ever so gently against the sapphire. I was afraid I would crack it. However, it was much sturdier than I'd originally thought. Could this possibly be...

"A diamond fringed with platinum on a diamond studded chain," he replied, and therefore confirming the unimaginable. "They call it 'La Cœur de la Mer'-"

"The heart of the ocean," we said simultaneously, however my voice was little more than a whisper. "I remember this diamond. Did this not belong to the King of France, back in... oh, what was it? Seventeen something?"

"It was his until seventy ninety three, when he was executed. The diamond disappeared, or well, I stole it and now it has been re-cut into a heart shape that I wish to pass onto you," he explained and crouched down beside me. "I may not be a man of romantic gestures and sweet nothings, but I do love you. My only wish is for you to love me, so I want you to have this in order to prove my love for you."

I watched him in the mirror, my lips parted into a little 'o'. I couldn't come to words. His were so strange. Why here? Why now? Why do two men suddenly proclaim their love for me when I found love for myself! Damn it! This was getting harder by the minute because I suddenly wanted to love James too. Unfortunately, it was difficult to split love between three men without murder being involved.

"Open your heart to me, Bella. That is my only wish."


	12. Till Dead Us Do Part

**Chapter Twelve: Till Dead Us Do Part**

_Present Day  
January 3rd 2011, 15:33  
Forks, Washington_

"I remember," he murmured. "I recall dancing and eating with you, well, you were pretending to eat..." He chuckled, eyes still closed. "I was so curious as to why you trying to hide your food."

I smiled. I was sitting next to him. Carlisle had shuffled over to the individual armchair, so I'd claimed the free seat next to Edward. He remembered me and recalled the love we once shared. And I was in love with the idea of love. Infatuated, I couldn't take my eyes from him. His hand had not left my thigh since I'd sat down. However, Carlisle was the only thing in that room that was ruining the good mood. Everyone could feel it and Jasper was suffering most. He kept glaring at him and Alice kept touching his shoulder, to try and relieve some of tension building up there.

"I'm awful at pretending to eat. I can barely remember how to chew anymore. I was so fascinated by watching you eat and drink," I said with a laugh. My eyes probably told the story of how eager I was to converse with him. Oh, how I longed to hear that voice again and again! With every word, I could hear that once discordant human voice masked by that unnatural harmony. Every time he touched me, it took my breath away. It felt like the air was being sucked right out of my lungs. I needed to be near him to enjoy breathing, or else it felt like a pointlessly laborious task. I never wanted to be away from him again.

His lavender lids opened, revealing those beautiful golden irises beneath. "I also remember the plan hatched."

I grinned. "Oh yes! We were to sneak around James! I would distract him while you tried to get Carlisle and Jasper's attention." I laughed. "I knew that if I distracted James, it would remove Carlisle's and Jasper's presence from the room. You would talk to them long enough, so they would not return too soon after you left them be."

"However." The smile faded from Edward's angel face. I frowned. Smile again my love! His honey eyes had frozen on Carlisle. "He attracted my attention first, and whispered horrible things in my ear."

My frown deepened. "What like?" I snapped my gaze to Carlisle. "What on this earth did you tell him?"

Carlisle shrugged. "It hardly matters now. I thought he would have told you. I thought you changed him because -"

"He thinks," Edward interrupted, "that I begged for you to change me as he had told me what you were - a vampire."

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "Don't you remember Edward?" He asked, voice patronizing as hell. "You begged me first before running with your tail between your legs to her, in hope that she would change you herself."

I could almost feel the anger radiate from my instincts. It was so icy that I felt it burn my dead veins. I felt my eyes freeze. "You told him a secret that was not yours to tell! That is against the law, Carlisle! I have taught you better, you stupid fool!"

I was quickly on my feet. Edward growled, perhaps because of my movement. How flattering... Even his instincts accepted me and didn't want me to pull away from him. The feelings bubbling in my chest were those of love and joy and beauty and wonder and so many more. My mind wasn't thinking in full sentences anymore. Mere words could not express the sheer love and desire I felt for a man I had not seen in a hundred years. He was my light, my daytime, my sunshine. However could a girl like me fall for a man so deeply after a little less than a week in total? It was impossible! How could such a thing ever occur?

The world was such a marvelous place. Finally, fate played me an ace and I was going to hold on to it with my life. Anyone who threatened him was not going down without a fight. I was a coward and he accepted that. He didn't care that I regretted biting him. I was a coward, so I would teach him my skills in evasiveness. I would never have to choose between him and I. We would live forever together and if worst came to worst, I would fight for him. My thoughts were immature and shallow yet so full of love. Anyone listening would think me a fool! Ha! I would only laugh. My thoughts were lovely and not self centered for a change, and it felt beautiful.

Yet Carlisle still managed to bring me down.

Realization dawned on me as I thought about my thoughts. My shields! I glanced around me and a shiver, icy and unforgiving, shook my spine. How could he... They would have been keeping tabs on Carlisle by now. What? No... The questions and unfinished sentences in my mind sounded different. Was I scared? Scared, maybe. Shocked and undoubtedly betrayed? Definitely. Perhaps he thought only Edward heard him tell his secret but the Volturi always had ways of knowing. Always. No matter where you were, the Volturi always knew when secrets had been spilled.

I always envied the vampire with the gift of secrets. I failed to remember his name however. It had been such a long time since I was part of the Guard.

"Damn you!" I cried at Carlisle, bending into a half crouch, unsure whether it defensive or offensive. Me unsure? Holy hell. I'd never been betrayed like that before. Never in my entire existence had I expected something like that to happen. Never. "You set me up!"

Carlisle quickly rose to his feet, false confusion in his eyes. "What?"

Edward was beside me all of a sudden, touching my shoulder. Tenderly, lovingly... No! He was in on Carlisle's plot! How could I have been so foolish! I turned off my shields, something I had never done for that long! Not only that, the boy I once loved was going to be the death of me, literally. I couldn't die! Not now, not ever! That was never going to happen. The absence of my presence in this world was not going to happen. Not after so many years. Death made life seem worthless! My life wasn't worthless... it wasn't... how could it be so pointless?

I snarled at Edward's touch and he retreated, lips quivering in anger. He snapped his gaze to Carlisle. "What is she talking about?"

If I could have cried, tears would have been spilling down my cheeks. "You took him," I hissed at Carlisle, "after I ran off. You told him the secret, knowing that the keeper of secrets would hear. After I bit him and ran off, you took him, knowing one day I would find you and stay here with him. You're in league with Aro, aren't you? He would have had your head by now if you weren't. You both want me dead!"

Tremors shook my bones, and I swear I heard them rattling. How dare he! I had my hands clenched so tight into fists, my claw-like nails penetrating my icy flesh. I needed to go, retreat, run, anything but linger there. The seconds I wasted were only going to lead to my destruction. So why wasn't I moving? Why wasn't I...?

Edward had pushed me behind him, so fast I could barely comprehend. My mind was so distracted my racing thoughts. I moved with such velocity, I barely had time to reposition myself in order to land on all fours after I crashed into a few ornaments and a mirror. I was about to retaliate or retreat, one of the two, when I noticed that Edward wasn't fighting against me. He had Carlisle pinned to the wall, his arm tight against his neck. The pressure was right where a vampire felt thirst, a pressure point. I was sure it was just a psychological thing, but if one pushed too hard and two burning sides of the esophagus touched, it would feel like fire shooting up our insides. No matter how thirsty or satiated one was, it hurt like a bitch.

Carlisle choked against the pain and snarls were coming from all corners of the room. My eyes flashed to the spectators. Emmett and Rosalie were crouched and snarling, acting instinctively to the act of violence playing out before them, but not making a move in fear of their own lives. Alice was behind the couch, also acting instinctively but she looked utterly afraid. Her eyes searched the room rapidly, looking and not finding. Perhaps it was because of my shields she was so afraid. Blindness probably frightened that girl more than foreseeing the worst of tragedies. Jasper was beside Edward, snarling and looking for answers. The way they acted... were they truly not part of Carlisle's godforsaken scheme?

"Was this your plan?" Edward hissed. "Was it your will to see her demise?"

"Yes," he squeaked and a little of my dead heart sunk in that instant. Edward loosened his grip a little, in order to let him speak. "And God is my witness when I say that I have regretted my actions since. An agreement between Aro and I was reached one night when you and Jasper went hunting, not long after the ordeal on the Titanic. We agreed that my crime would be forgotten if I brought him that girl. Ever since that night, I have regretted making such a deal. Unfortunately, I never imagined she would turn her shields off, not after so long. From my point of view, such an act can be seen as suicidal now. The Volturi will be here soon." His eyes focused on me. "Run while you still can, sweetheart."

"You cannot fix what has been broken," Jasper growled. "As for now you will pay the price. Your existence puts us all at risk."

"Why did you do it?" I whispered, forgetting everything in a moment of sheer curiosity. "I trusted you, above all others. Who are you?"

"I am the result of envy and jealousy, hate and rage, greed and lust." His lips quivered. "As for why I made such a bargain... I wanted no one else to have you. I loved you. If I couldn't have you, no one else could. Especially not a stupid human boy."

With those words, my eyes shut as tight as they could as my ears took in that earth shattering smash.

* * *

_April 14th 1912, 22:47  
33 mins  
RMS Titanic_

The door opened and my breath hitched in my throat. I'd left it unlocked for him.

Maybe I was a fool for wearing the most expensive piece of jewelry ever in my possession in the bath. Perhaps I was an even bigger fool for wearing it because my husband gave it to me. There I was, ready and prepared to commit adultery against James and he did not even expect it. After loving him in a way I never had before, he thought I truly loved him and I would never go against him again. How wrong he was. Such a fool for trusting me. Pitiful, really. However, did I feel guilty? Maybe a little. My heart could be bought with diamonds of course but not forever. True love had to be earned. It couldn't be bought with ostentatious jewelry.

When had I ever been so sure of love? I wondered idly when such a change occurred. After all, when I boarded that ship I was so sure that love did not exist for vampires. It had been merely days! Amazing. Perhaps there was a deity up there, somewhere. If there was, it sure did work in mysterious ways. Such changes... I was contemplating the presence of a deity for goodness sake! Never in my existence as a vampire had I acknowledged the existence of gods. They were too good to be true after all. However, I suppose my existence was supposed to be fiction also. What else lingered out there, besides vampires and the children of the moon?

Such strange changes...

I relaxed, sinking deeper into the water. It was so hot against my skin; it was icy. I suppose it was just because my skin was so cold that it felt so unbearably hot. I hoped that it wouldn't be too warm. I didn't want to scald him. However, I did not want to freeze the boy either. The only way to heat up my arctic flesh was to surround myself in extremely warm water. However, the feeling was something new. I could never recall taking a bath so warm before. Feeling the cold against my skin was something I had not experienced since I was human. It was refreshing, knowing that I could still surprise myself.

"Bella?"

His voice rung clear and true in my ears. It was little more than a whisper, like he was afraid that James or his 'brothers' were about to pop out of nowhere. Poor boy. I'd protect him if they did. Well, that could be debated. I'd probably grab him and run, rather than risk my own existence against James.

"In here, my darling," I called out. My spine tingled with anticipation, something that never happened for anything. I never felt the same way as vampires did about fighting or fucking. They found thrill in it. The only thrill I found was in the drinking of blood - human blood. Not even my spine shivered for that. What was this boy? Was he truly an angel from this deity that I suddenly found myself believing in? Perhaps. I shook my head a little in disbelief. What was this boy doing to me? Everything was changing, yet I was changing with it.

Oh, how I had longed for such changes for years...

For centuries, I had wandered the earth searching for satisfaction. Yet all I had ever succeeded in doing was watching the world around me alter and reform. Watching and never partaking. I believed that I could not change, that my ability to change was frozen like my body. I had missed that. I had missed possibilities and surprises. However, my world was changing so beautifully, in the course of a few days. It seemed so astonishing. Was what I felt for Edward love then? Love could be basis for such changes, considering all the portrayals I had seen of the emotion in the fleeting years.

If it was truly love, then I was not about to let it go.

I quickly pinned my hair back and submerged my face in the hot water as I heard the bathroom door open. I gasped a little at the sheer heat, then cold of the water. My lungs rejected the vile fluid and quickly pushed it back up with my next exhalation. I was lying back again when he entered the room.

And he was so very beautiful.

He never failed to take my breath away, even as his face flushed at my nudity. If anything, his innocence only added to his loveliness. Oh, such a monster I was, ripping his innocence away from him. However as his eyes drunk me in, I failed to remember how we even had agreed to do this. His gaze was just as physical as touch. I could feel those bright emerald irises scope my body, like a gentle caress. Water slid down my forearm as I beckoned him with my finger. He stumbled to me, a little uncoordinated, eyes glassy. Yet the moment he was just a foot away from the bathtub, he stopped and seemed aware again. Damn.

"I need to talk to you, Bella." He gulped and started poking in the pocket of his cords. What was he doing?

"Must we talk now?" He gave me a look, and I sighed. "Fine, if you must."

He smiled gently. "Bella... I know it's only been a few days but I want you to know that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, longer if possible. I've roamed for years and met hundreds of people, not one of them like you. I feel like I've known you forever, yet I don't know anything about you... but I want to know everything."

He paused and gulped again. I watched him curiously. He seemed so nervous. Why was he so nervous?

Only when he began to kneel did I truly understand why he was so anxious. I bit down on my lower lip, to hide the grin. He pulled out a little black velvet pouch from his pocket and pulled it open. Tucking his fingers in the bag to retrieve the item, he began to speak again. "Isabella Swan, I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

I gasped. Despite that I had realized that it was coming, I was still shocked. How could he... I mean, we had only... Oh my. Never had I been shocked by a marriage proposal before. Even James hadn't asked, simply thrust the ring on my finger. He still had yet to realize that I had scrapped the ring five years ago and had the diamond placed into a necklace. Before James, there had only been Cyrus. I never married anyone else, simply because I was not remotely devout. If anything, I was sacrilegious, and proud.

Yet why not? Why could I not marry this boy? I suddenly believed in a deity after a mere three days with the boy, and I he had the power to change my opinions in such little time, then he must have been something unique. Something I probably would never come across again. And I did love him. My, oh, my I loved him more than anything.

Time was man-made. Humans only made it up because their time would run out. Mine wouldn't. Mine never would.

And neither would his.

"Yes," I whispered, looking up at his expression through my eyelashes. He slid the ring on the third finger or my left hand, warm and damp from the bath water. And then, before I could really comprehend his actions, his lips were on mine, for the first time. Oh, the taste of him! Sweet. Tangy. Pure. Was that oranges? Yes, I recalled that he had eaten an orange for dessert. How could I recognize such a wonderful taste? Anytime I had ever placed food in my mouth, it was repulsive. However, I tasted the orange on his lips. Slightly sour. Bliss. His lips were so soft, like silk and satin.

Pleasure. Sweet pleasure, I wanted more. I placed my hand at the scruff of his neck, gripping the silky locks there. His tongue swept against my lips, begging for entry. I was unsure of myself, I'll admit. I didn't trust my instincts. How could I not kill him? How could I not give into that temptation to drain him dry? But there wasn't. Why? It scared me. I was afraid that it was just an illusion - something my mind had just made me think so the kill would be even more enjoyable. I couldn't deny it; the kill would be fabulous. There could never be anything quite as sweet and satisfying as killing.

However, the guilt would consume me for decades.

I never felt guilty for anything. How come I suddenly an expert in things I did not understand? Guilt... Love... Gods... No. I knew very little or next to nothing about any of those things.

He moaned against my lips. Was I hurting him? No, because that blissful moan caught me unaware for half a nanosecond, and in that time he thrust his tongue into my mouth. Oh. _Oh._ That taste! That warmth! How could he taste so wonderful? His sweet breath caught in my throat and my lungs took it in like blood. So close. So warm. I was drawn to his warmth, to his light and life. There was heat in my stomach, heat that I thought had long burnt out. Sex was cold, icy... it had never felt like this. Not since my first time at least...

My hands slid down his back, moist against his shirt. I could help myself. Close the distance, close the distance. Suddenly, my body followed the beast's demand. I pulled him into the bath with me. He gasped against. Was the water too warm? He chuckled against my lips. His kiss never ceased. Why was he not dead yet? I had never kissed a human so passionately before. My hair clung to my face, his face, the bath... Anything it touched, it clung. Feeling his weight, light against my strength, the fire began to smolder in my belly. Oh sweet lord.

What was this boy doing to me?

Closer. Skin against skin. My legs tangled with his, and my feet made quick work out of kicking his boots off. Feeling his feet against mine was a strange sensation. Soft against smooth. I could feel the arteries and veins protruding from his strong feet beat that wonderful rhythm against my own. No longer was it a song for suicide. It was my song, the rhythm always in my head. Hypnotizing, erotic... I had only ever read about true love making. The words barely scratched the surface of this fiery pleasure.

We were both burning up together, like we were both in hell. I was sure that was where I belonged and I was dragging him down with me. The sound of our breathing seemed to block out everything. I could hear his blood roaring in my ears and his heart pulsing like it was going to burst out of his chest. His hands were everywhere, moving over my arms, my breasts, my waist, and my thighs.

"Touch me," I whispered as he ducked his head to press his lips against my neck. I gasp. That sensation! Oh sweet...

I arched my chest, pressing my breasts against his hard yet tender chest. So wrong, yet so right. It should be me with soft and supple breasts, rather than the stony lumps I possessed. I took his hand and guided his fingers to that place between my legs. Past the dark curls of hair, to that place, throbbing with anticipation. Oh... yes. His fingers touched my bite curiously. Why had I led him to touch there rather than that other place between my legs? The nerves of my bite were completely exposed; the pleasure completely unfiltered.

A hiss escaped my chest. I doubted he could hear it over the rush of blood. Oh his blood.,,

"Too many clothes," he muttered and I most definitely agreed. I quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pushed his pants down with my feet. Unfortunately, his belt snapped in the process. Whoops.

A masculine growl rumbled deep from within his chest as he pushed his lips back to mine. With each stroke, with every brush of his skin, he took another breath away from me. I gasped for more oxygen, carbon, nitrogen, anything that my lungs could pull in. The humid air seemed only to add to the burning. It was building and I was excited to see how high it could climb with this man, no matter how wrong it was.

My hands tangled themselves in his wet locks and the other travelled down, brushing the sharp curve of his cheekbone and jaw line, his long pale neck, down his well built back before wrapping my arm around his chest, in a desperate attempt to pull him closer to me. I needed to feel his skin. I couldn't let this fire die now.

The water sloshed over the edge of the bath a number of times. With him and I both lying there, and all of his clothes in there, it was quite full. I brought his hand to my breast. He wouldn't touch me without my permission. The second his hand met my sensitive skin, I gasped as he quickly bent down, placing his kisses against the frenzied flesh there. What had I been missing? James never worshipped my body in this way. It was his job to possess me, not idolize me. But this boy, how he made me feel... there weren't words to describe.

I must have snarled because he looked at my through lust glazed eyes, an eyebrow raised. I touched his hair and brought his face back to mine. I kissed him, wanting to taste him. He moaned as my tongue invaded his mouth and kissed me with a passion that I couldn't comprehend. His fingers worked down between my legs; touching, caressing, nipping. I gasped as the fire spread so powerfully through me. I had never felt such a riveting sensation before. He touched my entrance. I cringed in a little pain as he pushed gently against me. He stopped and pulled back. His eyes met mine. I could see the lust and love in them, if that is love. The way he looked me, past the arousal in there, I could see something much deeper. Could I see the love he felt for me?

"You're not a virgin, are you?" He asked, confused.

I bit on my lower lip. "Of course not."

"Then why..."

I quickly interrupted. "It hardly matters. It heals sometimes; that is all."

Of course it healed. My body was frozen the way it was when I was changed, which meant I was a virgin forever. The pain hardly caused me any bother anymore, with James' surprise attacks and all. However, I felt a little embarrassed and vulnerable, lying under Edward.

He kissed me against, tender against my lips. "I'll be gentle; don't worry."

I could have laughed. He was reassuring me. How sweet. To be reassured was something foreign to me. I constantly reassured myself or depended on Carlisle and Jasper for reassurance. But when it came down to sex, there was no such thing. No reassurance. Humans possessed my 'virgin' body almost as thoroughly as James did. His words were comforting, but he was hardly an expert, was he? I nearly snarled. He was mine. _Mine_. The thought of him with another woman now was enough to send me into a violent bloodlust.

"Are you?" I asked, just ensuring that he was pure. "A virgin, I mean."

He blushed, his face turning a darling shade of pink. I took that as yes and grinned before forcing my lips back to his. Oh, such passion should have been illegal. We fit together, him and I, like two pieces of a jigsaw. Always I felt that I could never find my other half, as humans put it, a man I that I would fit against.

And then we were one.

I had never felt so fulfilled in my life before. Even the beast inside agreed. It purred in satisfaction and I'm sure Edward found it strange. However, he was too caught up in his own pleasure to really notice. With each thrust, I lost a little of that guilt I had about rejecting James and Carlisle. In that moment, I barely even cared, if was completely honest with myself. All that mattered was Edward. The burning, fiery pressure that had been building up inside of me all this time, just got higher and higher and we were both gasping at the strength of it. It seemed to take us over. It felt like I had been inhaling carbon monoxide and in that moment, someone lit a match and I was on fire from the inside out. Yet there was no pain. Just intense pressure, and the need just to let it all go.

We were as one. Finally, the pressure was too much and it exploded. Our bodies felt like they exploded with pure bliss. We were still, paralyzed by the aftershock of it all.

Once we had recovered I smiled in satisfaction and kissed sweetly on the lips. There was no sense of urgency in this kiss. It was sweet, gentle, natural and easy. His nose tickled mine as we kissed gently. All that mattered was Edward and I would never let him get hurt. The only way I could do that was to give him the gift of immortality. He would be able to protect himself. I would make sure of it. Quickly, I reversed our positions gently, so I was on top and straddling his waist, yet we were still connected. I was careful not shatter his pelvis, or any other bones for that matter. He seemed thrilled by the new position. I smiled and stroked his now wet hair, prolonging the last moments of his painless humanity.

I couldn't resist any longer. I slipped down, placing both palms at either side of him and breaking our connection. He cocked an eyebrow at me, wondering what I was up to. Perhaps he thought our act of love was unfinished. I couldn't truly take him with the passion and force that I wanted to until he was an immortal like myself. I pressed little kisses from his navel to his hip. My tongue traced that sweet and salty skin... I could almost taste the blood boiling underneath.

I glanced up at him, and he no longer looked confused. If anything, he looked happy. Happiness was all I ever wanted to see on his sweet face. I could no longer live in a world where he was sad or angry or anything other than happy. I smiled reassuringly at him.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"Better," he replied. "I'm with you."

My eyes fell to his hip. "My one and only love, I haven't been honest with you. I want to open my heart to you despite the fact I barely know you. I feel like I've known you forever, and that I am not exaggerating." I took a deep breath. "I'm not human, my darling."

My eyes flashed up to him and did not appear as alarmed as I wanted him to be. If anything I wanted him to be running, screaming from the room like a frightened child. I continued before he could breathe a word. "I have been living, existing, for a very long time. Longer that both you and I can dare imagine. It frightens me to think how long I have lived and the times I have endured. Most of that time, I have been alone." I smiled and took another peek at his emerald eyes through my lashes. His expression was calculating, neither happy nor terrified. I supposed such a reaction could only be a positive thing.

"Bella..." he breathed and I shook my head.

"No. I want to open my heart to you. That is not my name. I have had hundreds of pseudonyms over these fleeting years. I never have told my birth name to anyone. The only one who knew was the one who made me. I was a soldier once Edward, and true names were a liability when family and friends were still alive. I still do not use my true name because I'm so used to my false name. However, I want to tell you."

And I did. I leaned forward and whispered my name in his ear. I didn't expect much of a reaction, but the feeling that bloomed in my chest shocked me. Revealing secrets I had bottled up for thousands of years felt completely wonderful. I wanted to tell him everything. Not in the bath but when we he was a vampire.

Oh, we would have so much fun.

I slid down again and pressed my lips against his hip. "I want to make you like me, so I never have to be alone again. I was changed so young and the thought of being alone like before scares me. I don't know how I was ever capable of wandering the earth alone. I know it's selfish but I promise, I won't let you get hurt. We'll live forever, you and I. We'll never grow old and we will be beautiful for eternity. Isn't that what you want?"

"I want you," he replied without hesitation. "I really don't care about looks or never dying, but if it means I can be with you, then I'd never turn down such an offer."

I grinned, satisfied with his answer. I kissed his hip once again and licked the thin stretch of flesh covering the bone, preparing it for biting. "Forever then?" I asked.

"Yes."

My teeth clamped down. He cursed under his breath and his muscles quickly started to spasm. There were few blood vessels in that patch of skin, so I only got a little taste of his blood. His blood was like water to someone dying of dehydration. Like honey to the bee. Sweet and rich and salty. It tasted of heaven and hell, life and death. My nose skimmed up his hairless chest, looking for more blood. I bit him anywhere and everywhere, tasting that delicious ambrosia again and again. I licked each wound shut, allowing the venom to be trapped inside.

I glanced at his face and bit on my lower lip. He was likely going under so much pain that he barely realized where he was or even who was anymore. I hoped he survived, more than anything.

I climbed out of the bath. My skin glittered faintly in the harsh electric light.

Suddenly, the ground below me began to shake violently and I almost lost my balance. My super sensitive hearing quickly focused on the ear splitting metallic shredding noise, originating from somewhere several decks below me. I snarled, my instincts quickly sensing danger. No. _No! _The ship hadn't hit anything. Of course not. However, I did not truly believe my thoughts as my ears took in the water spilling into the boat. That couldn't happen. Not to the Titanic. The damned ship was unsinkable, for fuck's sake!

I shook my head in sheer disbelief. If the ship _had_ just truly hit something, a vampire or an iceberg, and if there was enough water filling the boat and it did sink, how was I supposed to get Edward to safety? I couldn't carry him onto a lifeboat. People would just say he was suffering too much and it was right to let him die. I walked slowly up to the porthole and pulled it open. Just as I did, a massive iceberg blocked the tiny window. I touched it with my cold hand and it felt warm beneath my fingertips.

God, what the fuck was I going to do?


	13. Dead or Not

_A/N: It's been a while! The last time I updated this was back in May 2011, can you believe that? It's really has been a while, but the time's gone so fast. I was looking through my docu__ments and found this chapter so I thought I'd put it up now. I'm not sure whether to keep writing this or not, considering it's been so long. Oh well, please enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Dead or Not  
****April 14****th**** 1912, 22:21  
****RMS Titanic**

I folded my arms across my breasts and turned to quickly leave the bathroom, leaving Edward in warmth of the bath to undergo his change until I could figure out how to save him. I glanced at him as touched the door handle. Even in the worst pain one could ever experience, he was still so very beautiful. His eyes were closed so tight and my dead heart throbbed - hypothetically of course - as I watched him. What had I done?

I'd killed him.

I bit down on my bottom lip. How could I do such a thing? How could I kill him? What if he wouldn't remember me, wouldn't want me when he realized I was not as wonderfully stunning as I was to his human eyes? Would he want me? Yes. He would. Of course he would. Would he? We would be equals but that could be the reason why he wouldn't want me anymore. He wouldn't feel handsome by my side because I was just as beautiful.

My stomach clenched as the thought shook my body. I doubled over, feeling the pain of potential rejection pulse through me. I felt sick, truly sick to the core. I hadn't known him long enough. I couldn't trust him. Oh, what had I done? Was time making me stupid, clouding my thoughts and fogging my judgment? As I watched him, I regretted what I'd done. I could have killed him, stopped the venom before it got too far. No. _No_. I could never have done that to anyone, especially Edward. I could never have killed someone who was undergoing so much pain.

Turning my attention to the lounge, I saw Carlisle was sitting on the sofa reading an overly complicated medical book. I wondered how long he had been there, alone. Where was Jasper? Those two were usually stuck together like they were bonded with glue. They got along so well, to my utter relief. Sometimes too well... Perhaps it was because they both had something in common, right down to their biological makeup; me. My venom was in their every cell. Did that have anything to do with why they were always together?

He glanced up at me and he raised an eyebrow. "No bathrobe?"

I shrugged, not really thinking about my nudity. Carlisle had seen my birthday suit already, and I was too old to really care about little embarrassments like nudity. I brushed my hand through my damp hair, knocking the clip out of place. "James already took it from the bathroom," I replied absently. "Did you feel that just now?"

"The tremor?" He asked, and then nodded. "Yes. I think the ship has hit a berg."

"Yes, I touched it through the porthole. Do you reckon the damage is dire?"

"Jasper has just left to check. I suspect he will find James and Laurent after he has checked whether the damage is substantial or not. We will simply swim to America if the ship is to sink. No worries."

"What about the people? I did the sum; the capacity of each lifeboat multiplied by the number of lifeboats, I've noticed that the number is less than the number of people on this ship. Much less, actually. The number is tiny compared the lives that will be lost within the next few hours."

Carlisle's expression became hard and solemn. "That is their own error, and not something we can fix. We can't pretend to be God, Bella."

I watched his eyes. They suggested that his words had more than one meaning, especially because I had just played God in the bathtub with Edward as my lab rat. I sighed and glanced through the bathroom door at Edward. "What will I do Carlisle? I cannot leave Edward here to die. I simply cannot."

"Yes. I was thinking about that," he said softly. "We could dress him warmly and wrap him blankets, and carry him to the boat deck. We could rip the door from the wardrobe and lay him on that, which we could then push to America."

I thought about it. That would work, except James would not be happy. He'd hate me once he realized that our 'love making' merely hours ago was just a distraction. He'd rip the necklace from my neck before ripping my head from my shoulders. I shuddered and my hand flew to my throat.

"James will not be pleased when he sees Edward," I whispered. "I don't know about you but I quite like where my head is currently located."

Carlisle bit down on his lower lip as he got up before walking into my bedroom. He quickly reentered the room with one of my long, thick coats. It was the cream colored one, with sheepskin and satin lining. My favorite. He stood behind me and held it open so I could put my arms through. Once I had, I begun to button it up and Carlisle pulled my hair through, his fingers lingering just a little too long on those brunette locks. I'd miss the way Carlisle would touch my hair whenever he got the chance. Just because the boat was sinking didn't mean I was going to change my mind. I was still going to run away with Edward, no matter what.

"I will make sure he is safe. Distract James, I need the head start if I'm to be pushing Edward on a makeshift raft."

Carlisle sighed. "Will I see you again?"

He knew. Of course he knew. It was Carlisle, after all. The man knew me better than I sometimes knew myself. "Perhaps," I replied, knowing I couldn't lie or tell the truth. Either way he'd know. I turned to face him and cupped his jaw with my hand. "I hope so."

"Ah." His head fell slightly, eyes on the floor. "I hope so too."

Seeing him so sad was something my dead heart couldn't bear to watch. I was all this man ever knew. Everything he had experienced was with me and there I was, leaving him in the dust with another man who I never meant to live so long. I leaned forward and kissed the corner of his lips.

"My darling, till I met you my life was nothing. I killed and slaughtered, murdered and maimed without a second thought. Till I met you, my life was like an everlasting night. No stars, no moonlight. I was a monster. Yet now I still murder but I cannot do so without knowing that I will disappoint you. I cannot stand that. I hate disappointing you and I hate seeing you unhappy. So the best I can do right now is to leave you to find your own mate. To see you happy and in love is all I crave. I cannot stand knowing that you will be alone for as long as I had been till I met you."

He shook his head, venom sparkling in his eyes. Perhaps it was just the candlelight but it seemed like there were tears there. Of course, it was only a trick of that damned light. We had no need to cry. Our tear ducts didn't overreact when emotion overwhelmed out bodies. Oh how I wished we could cry, even if it was only tears of blood like those horror novels about vampires suggested. I felt even less human when I sobbed without tears. But I could imagine Carlisle crying; a single tear would cascade down his cheek because… well, he loved me.

What had I done to this man?

"I will miss you," he murmured and touched a tiny curl framing my forehead. I leaned into his touch, knowing it would be the last time I would feel him in perhaps forever.

I shook my head just a little before backing away from him. His arm fell slowly, like he didn't want to come to terms with my departure; like he didn't want to live forever without me. But I had to be strong. I couldn't be with him. James could track him. If I was with Carlisle, all our lives were at risk. I was not prepared to die. If I could get Edward away, far away before he became one of us, then James would never know his vampire scent and we would be safe. Killing James wasn't worth it.

I was not prepared to break the law he had broken so many times before. I didn't need any more reasons for the Volturi to want to kill me.

"Come. Quick before James returns," I said, standing up straight.

_Be strong_, I thought, _for both of us_.

"Do what before James returns?"

My jaw dropped as I glanced towards the door. James stood there, Laurent just behind him. Jasper was there too, but on his other side. No doubt as far away from that man as he could possibly be. I could have sworn I felt my skin whiten and knees tremble as I stared at him. Afraid for my own life, of course, but for Edward's too. He was so very vulnerable. James would not hesitate to put an end to his heart, therefore stopping any venom from progressing through his body. He would surely die.

No! I wouldn't let that happen! I _couldn't _let that happen!

_Think._

"Nothing darling," I said with a smile. "Did you feel the tremor just now?"

"Yes. I want to know what you and the fine doctor were talking about."

"Yes, of course sweetheart." I took a deep breath and glanced at the ground, afraid he would see the lie in my eyes. "We were just about to fuck, that is all. I'm sorry."

Oh my. Vile language never should have left my tongue. It sounded wrong in so many ways. I could see the shock in Carlisle's eyes but thankfully he kept it out of his expression. At least he took the hint. He had his arms folded across his chest and his face was about as legible as a brick wall. My eyes quickly flashed between the four men before me. James' expression was somewhere along the lines of flabbergasted and pissed off. Jasper looked pretty stunned too. Laurent was as quiet and stone-like as per usual. Nothing caught that man off guard.

"I see," James replied, voice as hard as steel. "Where is the boy?"

"Edward?" I almost squeaked. "He's bathing."

"Ah." He peered at the bathroom door then to Jasper. "State the extent of the damage."

Jasper raised an eyebrow, obviously not appreciating being told what to do. He spoke anyway, despite James.

"The ship will sink," he said and if my heart was beating, it would have skipped a beat with those words. "There were no sign of any crew down the fireman's passage just after the collision so I took that down as far as I could go. From what I saw and the talk I heard between the carpenter and captain, water has flooded fourteen feet above the keel in ten minutes. There is water in the forepeak, in all three holds and in boiler room six. That's five compartments. Titanic can stay afloat with the first four compartments breached, but not five. This boat will go down by the head and the water will spill over the tops of the bulkheads at E Deck. It will continue back and back. There's no stopping it."

I shook my head in disbelief. "This ship can't sink. It's unsinkable for goodness sake!" I stared at the ceiling, searching my mind for a solution to this seemingly impossible problem. "The pumps! What about the pumps?"

Jasper shook his head. "No. The pumps will buy time but perhaps only minutes. Titanic will sink."

"Why are you so upset?" James hissed, anger flooding his black eyes.

I quickly wiped my face of all emotion. I needed to keep in control of myself in front of James. "I'm afraid that my things will be ruined."

James smirked. "So materialistic, of course." He turned to Jasper. "How long do we have?"

He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, expression calculating. I wondered idly how Jasper knew so much about boats. He was a solider when he was human, not a boat maker. I suppose we had spent a few months in Cherbourg recently. He must have been loitering around the docks. "An hour? Perhaps two? Definitely three at the very most, and that really is pushing it."

That smirk did not fade from James' lips. He glanced from Carlisle to me, again and again. "Time for that fuck then?" I gulped down the venom in my mouth.

He stepped forward and laid his hand on my collarbone. I shivered at his touch, so cold compared to Edward's. He arched his back to plant his lips just below the arch of my jaw.

"Not now. We need to sort ourselves to swim to America," I said softly.

James' narrowed eyes leveled with mine. "You were about to lie with him."

"Before I knew that the ship was going to sink. Now, leave me whilst I pack."

I turned away from him and flipped my wet hair over my shoulder. I was about to walk away when he said, "You smell like him."

I peered at him. "Who do I smell like James? Carlisle? You know my eyes are only for you." My voice had quickly converted the fear I currently felt to frustration. I didn't want to him to see Edward changing in that bath. I could kiss my life goodbye if he did. I was once a soldier, so of course I would fight. But so was James. I was on the line of defense, James on offensive. I was only employed to stand behind the front line to protect them from the gifted vampires. The more skillful I became, I could protect them from close combat too. That was how I lived. My physical shield kept me alive.

Little did James know he was immune.

I never, ever told him. That was the true reason why I stayed with him, 'loved' him and put up with his shit. Perhaps forcing myself to fall in love was a part of it too but it came after self preservation instinct. I couldn't understand. Never before had I met a vampire immune to my shield, except James. He couldn't track me or catch my scent. The way my physical shield worked was whether I wanted someone near me or not. If I really did not wish for someone to be close to me, they would find themselves unable to focus on me and walk in a different direction.

I couldn't keep James away, ever. I couldn't keep him away, and it scared me more than I ever dared to think about. That was why I was so fascinated by him, and why I kept him by my side. A shiver rolled down my spine as I caught his gaze.

"You smell like that human."

"He does reside here James, if you had not already noticed."

Suddenly, his face was less than a centimeter in front of mine, eyes blazing with fury. "I smell him on your breath, in the dampness of your hair. I can taste him on your skin. Marie, do not lie to me. You lay with that boy!"

And with those words, his hands took either side of my coat and ripped. The buttons flew in all directions. I gasped as James uncovered my nudity. I guessed he did it to show the others that I betrayed him, that I wasn't already dressed after lying with the boy. I shivered as I heard the name I had first introduced myself to him as. Since then, I had changed it to Isabella, of course. Yet I did still use it as a middle name. "Yes. I do not lie to you, husband. I lay with him." I hissed at him and snatched my coat and held it tight across my body. "It is none of your concern. I love you and only you."

"Love is a word you only learned to pronounce." He spat out the words like they were laced with poison. "If you truly loved me, you would never lie with anyone. At most you would only lie with humans for their blood, but no. You left that creature alive!"

The fear raced through my body. I felt my bones tremble and throat ache with it. James turned away and picked up one of my buttons off the floor. They were made of fourteen karat gold and crystal. He pocketed the button and went to fetch the others.

"Don't do this," I whispered, sobs snaking their way into my voice. "Please, don't do this to me James. I love you... I love you..."

He was in front of me again. "Why? What have you done to deserve my compassion? I have not touched another since the day I wed you. All I do is drink from humans; I do not lie with them because that would betray the oath I swore to you. Yet, that oath has been broken for years because of you. Why couldn't I be enough for you?"

I was trembling so violently that when I tried to step forward, I ended up falling into James. I wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling tiny compared to him for the first time in decades. I couldn't leave him. My life would be compromised if I did. Our paths would cross again eventually, and the day they did, he would be on my heels from that moment onward. Death wasn't an escape for either of us. We both loved ourselves too much to let us fall victim to destruction.

"You are enough! I swear, I can change, my love! I'll love you, and only you forever!" My voice was so desperate, so full of such strange and strangled emotion that I barely recognized it. I doubt Jasper or Carlisle recognized me without the mask I always wore. Right there in front of James, was who I really was. A weak and worthless child that was so afraid so death and demise, that she was willing to give up her freedom for another who didn't know that he had the potential to kill her.

He kicked me down. I went tumbling to the ground, where I curled up into the fetal position, tearless sobs ripping from my chest. James pushed my cheek with the pointed toe of his leather shoe, pushing my face so our gazes could meet. "You are not worth a second chance. Look at you, miserable and foolish. This is your true face, isn't it wife? Let me tell you something, I will kill you all, including your precious human if you do not leave him here to drown. Don't think I don't know, little girl. You couldn't resist biting him, could you? Look at your eyes, so bright and sparkling after a little human blood. He's becoming a vampire but not for long. You will leave him here and make sure he has drowned before you leave yourself. Then I will deal with you."

* * *

**Present Day  
January 3rd 2011, 15:45  
Forks, Washington**

My eyes flashed to the front door. There they were. Finally, they'd found me. Damn it. How could I be so stupid? After such a long life, one would think I would have gathered some brain cells along the way. I almost laughed as I pushed my hair from my eyes. It all seemed too perfect. Too well constructed. Too Carlisle. Of course I was correct when I assumed that the Volturi were watching the house. They had their ways. Ways that I was afraid to imagine. With time they would only collect stronger vampires, vampires that would be immune to my gift... Just like James. What a valuable asset James would be to the Volturi.

He couldn't track me down, but he was the only one who could fight me to the death. Perhaps I could flee from him but once he had his eyes stuck on me, they'd never let me out of his sight. No matter how many sharp corners I turned, waterfalls I jumped down or currents I swam through, he'd always be on my tail. He'd turned away for a second and I took the chance. He still had yet to find me. He was probably on my trail already. My shields had been off, my scent had lingered and his gift could associate that scent with me.

My eyes peered around the room. Edward was on the floor, shuddering in sheer agony. Yet there was nothing happening to him physically to suggest the cause of such pain he was obviously enduring. I looked at Jane, her small and childlike body looking so very tiny compared to seven foot Felix standing by her side. Flanking her left side was her brother, Alec. It was strange seeing biologically related vampires. Even more strange was that they were so very young.

Even Carlisle was considered young for a vampire and he was in his early twenties when he was changed. Changing a child however, was something I could not consider. Not because of the dire risk and everlasting responsibility, but it just seemed so unfair. I had experienced years as a human that Jane and Alec never had the chance too. There was something tragic in that.

Upon seeing Edward trembling, I quickly threw out my shield to stretch over all of the Cullens, even Carlisle who had fallen to the floor and hadn't found the energy to sit up. His neck was so very cracked. There was a ring of tiny crevices the whole way round his throat and I knew that surviving on animal blood alone was not going to be enough to heal the wound fast. It would be an hour or two before that completely healed.

Edward stopped shaking and was suddenly very still, adjusting to the sudden lack of pain. I had once asked Jane to let me feel her gift by pushing all of my shields from my mind. From that day on, I always kept my tightest shield wrapped securely around myself.

Jane scowled, her thin lips quivering. "Good afternoon. I see we have stumbled upon some chaos." Her words were as hard and stony as her black eyes. I'd never seen her so thirsty before. She must have had a busy day. There was no reply, so she walked on in, Felix and Alec following her without any hesitation. She pulled her deep purple gloves from her hands and looked at me. I shivered as I remembered how those eyes had peered into my soul as that pain engulfed my mind and body.

"Ah, Isabella. Aro is looking for you. He wants your report on the situation in regarding to your sudden departure."

I quickly climbed to my feet and casually snapped a hair tie against my wrist. I'd seen humans do that before. "My service with the Volturi is terminated. I wish to live in peace for my rest of existence, without the intrusion of the Volturi."

She smirked. "Aro will be interested to hear that, I'm sure. Perhaps you would like to explain to him yourself?" Her eyes flashed to Felix, who stepped forward as she did. I felt the challenge in his movement. I felt it deep within my bones and the beast inside screamed to lunge at him for challenging me. However, I took a step back to show my submission, to show that I was a coward, unwilling to fight.

I nodded once. "Of course I will. I have not seen my old friend in years."

"Over two hundred, to be a little more precise."

I forced out a disbelieving laugh. "Has it really been that long? How time flies when one is having fun!"

She didn't say anything to that but instead turned her gaze to Carlisle, who had yet to get up. "Dr Cullen. We are here to carry out your execution as you revealed our existence to a human. All others please stand aside. I hate this country. I want to go home."

My eyebrows furrowed. The way Jane was acting was normal, but there was tinge of strangeness to her attitude. She hated seeing the demise of others as much as I did but with a gift like hers, she had no choice but to watch the suffering and death of her own kind. She had hardened herself to it. Alec was much the same. They despised their gifts but never complained. Not once. Deep down, I knew that they were afraid of death, just like me. Perhaps they felt guilty from feeling so much hate in their human life that they were burdened with such vengeful gifts. They wanted to break away from their ties to death and pain, but breaking away from the Volturi was a death wish in itself.

"I was just about to do that, would you believe?" Edward's lips curled over his teeth as he spoke, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

I laughed, quick to cover for Edward. "Oh Edward, you're so funny. Of course, he was not going to kill him!" I laughed again, feeling a little silly forcing out all this laughter. The others stared at me like I was a ghost. "They just had a little disagreement that is all. Isn't that right?"

Edward watched me for a moment, expression blank before nodding once slowly. Jane eyed me. "That disagreement is none of my concern. Move aside."

My mind was going into overload. Could I let Carlisle die? I was about to but now I was having second thoughts. My life was in no immediate danger, yet. When they were finished with him, they would drag me to Italy to kneel before Aro as they ripped off my head.

I moved swiftly to Carlisle's side and bent over him, as he was still holding himself. I ran my fingers through those thick blond locks. My eyes locked with Jane's as she hissed at me. "Move aside or we will not hesitate to kill you also."

"The Volturi have wanted to kill me for centuries before your time. They have yet to do so as you can well see. Now, what was this man's crime?"

She snarled at me. "He revealed our secret to a human."

"When?"

"Nineteen twelve."

"And the Volturi have only got round to it now?"

"Aro had a deal with this man. He has failed to keep his side of the bargain, in that he has not brought you to Aro as of yet."

I shrugged. "I have been suffering greatly from depression, can't you tell? Brittle skin, milky eyes; I remind you of your masters. Anyhow, I see no reason to kill what is mine when I am freely returning Volterra in your company. I have much to discuss with Aro."

"Your words are void. You will flee, as you always do."

"I will take his place, I know that is allowed." I cleared my throat. "I, Isabella Marie Swan, maker and creator of one, Carlisle Cullen, take full responsibility for the crimes committed by what is mine. Happy?"

Jane nodded once, expression once again blank. "Very well. You have five minutes. We will be outside."

And they did leave, just as Jane said they would, to my surprise. I half expected that only Jane and Alec would leave, leaving Felix to monitor us. However, they all left and shut the door behind them. My body slacked against Carlisle's in relief. I closed my eyes and just cried into his shoulder. I trembled and I hiccupped, feeling the fear I felt in the presence of the Volturi turn to stress.

What would I say to Aro in exchange for my life? He was never a man who could be bribed with sexual favors. He had lived too long to really experience the pleasures of the flesh. What would I say?

I was no use to him, only a threat. Unless I joined the Guard again. I didn't want to waste my life cooped up in that cold castle, killing other vampires like myself for a living; destroying other older vampires hiding from the Volturi, in fear for their existence. I couldn't do that, not anymore. I was growing too compassionate in my old age. I couldn't kill ruthlessly. Not anymore. I couldn't slaughter a hundred people in one go again. I just couldn't.

"Why... how could you do this to me... my darling..." I gripped his thick locks, pulling as hard as I could. However, my attempts were feeble at most. I couldn't get a good grip. The emotion was shaking me too much. And Carlisle was shaking too. The guilt was destroying him, torturing him from the inside. What had I done to this man? I could see it now, the true impact I had on him, on his life. I'd led him on, all of his life. And it had hurt him. I distorted him in ways I didn't even realize before. The man beneath me was nothing more than a shell of who he was before. All because of me.

What a horrible creature I was.

"S-orry," he breathed between those tearless sobs. "So, so sorry... Love you."

I held him tighter and jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and Edward was there, his expression as hard and blank as rock. He touched my hair and pushed it from my eyes. But his fingers lingered in my curls as he sighed. "Why did you do that? He betrayed you."

I only hugged Carlisle tighter to me with those words. I laid my chin against his back. "I don't care. You have too, and I have not gone for your neck."

His brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

I closed my eyes and turned my head to lay my cheek against Carlisle's back. I rubbed his arm soothingly, trying to calm him down. He was sobbing so much. All those years of having to bottle the guilt he felt in knowing that I would one day I would return to visit and perhaps stay had finally bubbled to the surface. Knowing that one day, I would finally be brought to my demise and it would all be his fault. I couldn't allow that. If I was finally to die, it would be of my own doing and no one else's. Suicide seemed like a more courageous death rather than being burnt at the stake.

"Carlisle had a point, you know," I said, my tone completely emotionless. "Hush now," I then whispered to Carlisle, rubbing soothing circles into his arm. "When Carlisle told you what we were, you then ran off to find me. You said that you only wanted me. Do you really think me stupid enough to think that you did not want immortality as well? To be strong and beautiful? I mean, what kind of human would not want this? How do I know that you did not use me for this?"

Edward's eyebrows furrowed and anger flared in his eyes. "Of course not. I love you."

"Yet you use those words as easily as I do. Can't you hear the promise in Carlisle's voice? I know that he loves me, perhaps not in the same way as I love him, but he loves me nonetheless and I know it is not a lie. How do I know you aren't lying to me? How do I know that love is only a word you learned to pronounce?"

I never thought I'd ever be quoting from James, but he was right. Perhaps I didn't know what love was. I used the word too easily, too absentmindedly. Who was I to say that James didn't love me? He had a funny way of showing it, but he was loyal to me. He said he hadn't lay with another since we were wed. That was commitment, but was it really love? How would I know?

"How can I prove it to you? How can I prove I was not lying? Trust me, please... Trust me." Edward's voice was pleading as he crouched down to my level. He cupped my jaw with his hand and stroked my cheek. I leaned into his touch, savoring. I wanted to believe that he had lied about wanting to be with me forever, wanted to believe that he only 'loved' me for immortality. It would be easier if I could. It would be easier to leave him if could. But I just couldn't. My heart, my dead heart, wanted him no matter what. Traitor or not, I was not one to judge.

I pushed myself from Carlisle and into Edward's arms. He caught me and held me tight against his chest. My head was tucked between his neck and chin, and I had never felt so in place before. We fit together and feeling that again was something I had only dreamed about for the past ninety-nine years. Each and every time I had closed my eyes all I saw was his face and every time I opened them, I could have sworn he was there. His scent was on my skin as was his warmth. I spent so long crying and angry. I couldn't be away from him if I knew he was alive, and that was what scared me the most.

"Let me come with you. Let me show you that I love you, please Bella," Edward whispered in my ear before pressing his lips against the lobe. I shook my head, disbelieving. He didn't - couldn't - understand what he was asking. He'd never met the Volturi and that was how I wanted it to stay. I only wished that I'd never heard of those monsters, wished that I'd never found them. If only I had stayed in the shadows, they wouldn't know of me. They wouldn't have heard the rumors or the truths circulating throughout the world of the girl who almost lived forever.

The door opened then and my breath stuck in my throat. However, the scent that came in with the snow and icy air was not that of any of the Guard. I looked up and saw Esme, with snow caught in her hair and eyelashes. And she was beautiful. As I watched her take in the scene before her - and what a scene it must have been - I realized something. Her caramel brown hair was only a shade lighter than my own, her jaw was soft and her nose; well structured and petite. Even her upper lip was slightly out of balance, a bit too full to match the lower. I shook my head in disbelief. I hadn't noticed before. That woman was startling beautiful and feministic, with her full breasts and round hips.

She was an older version of myself.

Carlisle had found himself someone who looked like me, someone who was older, more mature and undoubtedly more beautiful. He found in Esme what lacked in me. Physical maturity and the beauty that came with it. He was always saying that I was too young, that the man who changed me should have waited. Even James said that. I was never good enough for anyone because I was too young. I was nothing more than a child.

A child that was too young to live without love.

"Carlisle?"

Her voice was deeper that mine, but not in a bad way. Her voice was fuller and deeper only because she was older. How long had I craved to sound like that? How long had I craved to look like that? Forever I would only be an insignificant child that men would find too wrong too love. How had Carlisle found her? I could not be reincarnated because I wasn't truly dead. Unless the deity I believed in a little less a century ago decided it would be funny to reuse my body. Let her grow up and make her a vampire when she was in her late twenties just to make Bella jealous.

Or maybe I was just crazy.

She ran over to the sobbing man lying curled up on the floor next to Edward and I. I watched her as she kneeled next to him and took Carlisle in her arms, pulled his head up and hugged him to her. And I just watched in awe as she cooed at him and told him over and over that everything was going to be okay. She didn't even know what was going on, or maybe she did. As I watched, I only hugged Edward closer to me. Now I knew how Carlisle must have felt all those years ago. I looked away and kissed Edward's neck, finding it difficult to watch the man I once loved be loved by another.


	14. Ship of the Dead

**Chapter Fourteen: Ship of the Dead**

_April 14__th__ 1912, 23:00  
RMS Titanic_

My trembling fingers touched the clasp holding the chain to my neck. I released it and the heavy stone fell to my palm. It was cold, colder than ice; even my own dead flesh. I placed it gently into my purse, along with my journal and other worthless material jewelry I possessed. I then slid it into the inside pocket of my coat. I would have given it all up, my jewelry, my wealth, the clothes on my back and the hair on my head in exchange for Edward. Just not my own life, my own eternal life. I feared death like a bratty child feared a spider. I shied away and squashed it whenever it got too close.

Why couldn't I feel that way about Edward? Why couldn't the primitive instincts that protected me from death for so long, also protect Edward from his imminent death? He was my mate! Was he? Maybe my instincts didn't recognize him as a mate because we were not of the same species. Maybe. How did my instincts know when I had found a mate? I suppose I would feel like I would die for them. I didn't though. I never felt like I would die for someone before. I hated the feeling, that feeling of overwhelming guilt in knowing that I could never protect anything.

I was worthless.

I slid pin after pin into my hair, clipping my curls out of my face. No one would care about how beautiful I was when this ship was on a one way trip to the sea bed. As I listened to the steady sound of water crashing against steel originating from several decks below me, I glanced through the bedroom door to see that Edward was twitching in sheer agony. His body convulsed so suddenly, it was like he was being electrocuted then he would stop and be as still as a dead man. His body this time slipped down and water rose over his face.

I was by his side in an instant. My hand had delved into the water and quickly took hold of the back of his neck, in order to bring his head back to the surface so he could breathe again. The heart wouldn't be able to beat without air. Without the heartbeat, the venom wouldn't be able to move around his body. He'd die.

I froze. Could I not just let him die sooner rather than later? Would it not be fairer that way? He wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Oxygen bubbles floated from his mouth to the surface as I stared at him. I had to make the choice. Now or later? He lay so still in my hands that if I only relied on touch, I would have assumed he was dead. So still, so quiet.

"Why can't I kill you?!" I cried. I pulled his head from the water and pressed my lips against his. They were so warm and wet and lovely. "God! Why can't you just die?! Look what you've done to me! Look what you've done to me..." Those last words came out no more than a mere whisper against his lips. What had that boy done to me? "God forgive me... I love you! I love you, I love you, _I love you!_"

A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped in surprise. I shied away from the touch and only held Edward's head closer to me. I hissed.

"It is only me, Bella," Jasper whispered. "You shouldn't be in here. James can hear every word you say. Look, I've brought you your music."

He held the suitcase which carried my phonograph and the music cylinders. I had acquired quite a collection over the fleeting years. Music was my luxury, dancing was my hobby. However, it was expensive. Usually, Jasper and James indulged me with expensive phonograph cylinders to try and make me happy. Sometimes I retreated so far back into my mind, I had difficulty getting back out. Life was boring and my mind was a mystery that I longed to explore. However, it was very dark in there. Music and dance was the only light that brought me out of that endless maze.

Everything had changed now. Life was no longer boring. My point of light and reason in life was held against my breast and I never wanted to let him go. Ever.

"Music?" I whispered, however it was borderline hiss. "I have no need for such trivial things. Leave me."

Jasper took my wrist. "Trivial? Bella, this is your music of all things! Come now, we are going. Leave the boy."

"Leave him?" I snarled. "If he is to die, I will stay with him to the bitter end."

"Don't hurt yourself more than you already do. There is no need."

Suddenly, my eyes were focused on Jasper and everything was tinted red. What was happening? I never got really angry. I was too old to be affected by stupid emotions such as anger. However in that moment, nothing was the color it should have been and I felt the rage building deep, deep inside of me. It felt like every muscle in my body was tightening in sheer anger. My instincts crawled like smoke through my veins, I could feel them taking over. The beast was taking over and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"God Jasper, help me," I whispered. "I don't know what's happening."

The beast was pushing my relatively sane self to the back of my mind, pushing and pushing me further back into that darkness. I could vaguely sense Edward's head pressed against my chest, feel his silky locks of hair against my fingertips. He was convulsing again, his body rippling so violently that he shook himself from my grasp and his head was submerged in water again. My arms lurched into the water and slid my hands under his shoulders to slide him back up. He shook against my hands like one of the most violent epileptics I had ever witnessed before.

I held onto him for the few moments that his body convulsed before he became deathly still. I lay his body within the bath in such a way that he would not slide under the water again. Well, I hoped he wouldn't. As I did this however, I realized quickly that the actions were not my own. The beast had pushed me so far back into the darkness that I felt like I was experiencing tunnel vision. My actions were not mine, but that of my instincts. Suddenly, my head instantly turned to the side and a hiss escaped from my throat.

James was in the doorway and the beast snapped. I roared, an ear-splitting noise rumbling deep from within my chest. I was trapped. It felt like a silent film playing before my eyes, however the colors were not silver, but the most menacing, violent red. I was on my feet, bent into an offensive half crouch in front of the bath. Was I really ready to attack? Why was the beast not concerned with my safety?

"Good God..." James shook his head in sheer astonishment. "Two-thousand and seven hundred years it took her to find true love. I believe, gentlemen, our Bella has found her mate."

_Carlisle POV_

Folding the last shirt, I placed it gently into my suitcase. A shudder raced up my spine as I heard a snarl so menacing that my nostrils flared and ears pricked. I could feel my instincts try to react to the sound but I made quick work of them, pushing them back into that small primitive part of my mind. I closed the suitcase and locked it before wandering anxiously into the lounge. Laurent was standing outside the bathroom door and I could just about see James standing in the doorframe. What were they doing? Was James trying to get rid of the boy now, rather than wait until the ship sunk?

Laurent glanced at me and then suddenly, he was in front of me. His hands were on my shoulders and suddenly, he pushed me back into the bedroom. I almost lost my balance as I moved backward. Once I'd regained full control of my balance, I realized that he'd closed and locked the door. His eyes were on the ground, hands clasped loosely behind him.

"Bella has chosen her mate, truly this time," he said and then his red eyes were on me. I felt like those eyes sunk deep into my own, staring deep into my soul and seeing all of the sins I had committed over these fleeting years. "I know what you did. You told Edward to convince Bella to change him. He didn't have to; Bella had already decided what she was going to do. You could have avoided this, but you didn't. You are a brave yet stupid man, Cullen."

"Why are you here, Laurent? Truly?" I'd had my suspicions about Laurent for years. He was always hovering around James; they were never apart for too long. I wondered how long they had been together. Were Laurent and James together even when Bella first met them?

"James frightens me," he admitted. "I am too fearful to leave his side, similar to how Bella fears him."

My eyebrows furrowed. I knew that Bella loathed James sometimes but I never thought fear had anything to do with it. She let him do whatever he wanted to do to her. She was his wife, loyal to him above all others. Yet she never wore her ring. Perhaps there was too much symbolism in that for her liking. Why would she fear him? She could keep anyone she wanted away from her. It was a part of her gift. Sometimes when I wanted to be near her when I had previously upset her, to comfort her, I found myself losing my coherent thoughts for a single moment and ended up somewhere much further away from her. That girl was powerful, so very powerful.

"Why? How would you know this and yet I do not?"

His eyes were on mine again. "My gift," he whispered and he began to tremble. His eyes had moved slightly and they were focused on something just over my shoulder. I glanced briefly behind me but nothing was unusual. I raised an eyebrow at him. "My gift, or curse would you rather, is that I can see nightmares. Everywhere, all the time. Humans, vampires, animals, anything that lives and has the ability to think; I can sense their nightmares. I would say I can sense their fears, yet the word does not seem to cover the horrible things I have bared witness to throughout my life. Everywhere I glance I see truly terrible things, constantly. That is why I never dare to speak more than a few words. I'm afraid that I will share the things I have seen with another and scar them forever."

Laurent's confession drew no immediate reaction from my person except the sudden stillness. My breath ceased and all small habits to appear human stopped. That was why I had never heard him utter a word? Good Lord. In order to keep such terrors locked inside, in fear that one would accidently slip out. Never being able to speak as such an action may cause all those horrors bottled inside to come flooding to the surface. The poor man! What traits did he possess as a human to want to see such nightmares? Was something done to him? Was this man tortured so brutally all his human that he couldn't bear to live without such nightmares again?

Or was it a curse? An honest to goodness curse? I guessed all gifts could be perceived as curses but I could see no good in Laurent's _gift._ Perhaps that was why Marcus of the Volturi always called it the _Black Gift. _We were something else. Not quite human, not quite a god. We were of the devils design; given gifts in order to protect ourselves from each other and from our ever evolving preferred choice of prey. How could Laurent's gift be used against others and against his prey? Could he call upon our nightmares to terrorize us?

"_ISABELLA MARIE! YOU HAVE BEEN HIDING IT FROM ME ALL ALONG!"_

I cussed under my breath as I jumped right out of my bones. The voice was so loud, so clear as it shouted. I felt the heat of his lips against my ear. I glanced to my right where I felt him overshadowing me. As I moved, I realized his hands were tight around my neck. James stood there next to me, anger deep in his eyes. I suddenly felt several inches shorter as I looked at him. One of his hands pulled something from around my neck, something that I knew didn't exist but I felt the force of the pull nonetheless. In his hand, he held the huge diamond he had given to Bella merely hours before.

"_YOU DO NOT DESERVE MY GIFTS, MY HAND OR MY LOVE, YOU FILTHY LITTLE WHORE! WATCH NOW AS I END THE GIRL THAT ALMOST LIVED FOREVER!_"

Just then, he arched his back suddenly and I felt his teeth deep and penetrating in the sensitive flesh of my skin. Screams and snarls echoed in my chest but they were too high in pitch to be my own. His hands moved quickly up to my ears, and with one quick, gut wrenching snap, I felt my head be pulled from its roots. Yet my head was still in place. He stepped back and I realized he held Bella's head in his hands. Her eyes were completely dead as he cradled her little head in his arms. He stroked her long curls. His knuckles brushed her cheek before pulling down her eyelids, making it seem like she was only asleep, despite that she was missing the rest of her body.

I glanced down, and there it was. Bella's little body had collapsed to the floor and was curled up delicately. Finally, she looked at peace. Her muscles weren't clenched in constant fear of death but completely relaxed for the first time I had seen them. Yet as her body lay there, she looked so unbelievably small. So fragile. Like at any moment, a swift breeze would pass and her body would be taken with it.

"Now look. Aren't you lovely? So relaxed and quiet and beautiful!" James cooed as he rocked Bella's head like a father would their baby. "No one will hurt you now, my darling. No one will hurt you ever again... Not even me, who you was immune to your immortal gift..."

I gasped as the vision faltered once before disappearing.

"Do you understand now?" Laurent whispered. "Do not speak for our whispers are not safe. Now, watch again if you please."

Reality shifted again and I was in the bathroom of our stateroom. The boy, Edward, was lying sweltering in the bath undergoing the fierce pain of his change. James and Laurent were there too, snarling and growling at Bella. She was hovering over the bathtub in a half crouch protecting the boy. Her gaze was fierce, possessive and strangely offensive. Bella never fought on the offense for she was too in fear for her own life to initiate battle. James took a quick step forward and she snarled. The noise ripped from her chest like a swarm of wasps. But I also noticed that she cowered back just a little with his move.

James shifted his weight forward again, and Bella could not back away any further.

Before I had the chance to comprehend, both James and Laurent snarled and lurched forward in unction, both of their sets of sharp teeth set on Bella's neck. With nowhere else to go, Bella cried out. The sound was so heartbreaking, a scream of complete hopelessness tangled with the frustration she felt. She took one last look at Edward before fleeing at the speed of light through the door that led to the bedroom. James and Laurent were hot on her heels and all of them were out of the stateroom in a matter of seconds.

They would chase her forever.

Time passed in fast forward then. Edward's convulsions seemed more epileptic and I had only realized that time had quickened, seeing the ugly clock hanging on the wall. The third hand sped like lighting around the clock and soon it was ten to two in the morning. The boat was lurching dangerously to the right and water had begun to slip under the stateroom door. Soon, it was ankle deep and I looked about in panic, wondering if anyone was coming to save this poor child. He was completely oblivious to the freezing water rising upward. The pain kept his mind busy.

A moment later and Jasper stood in the door. He looked right at me and said, "Do you think they are far enough away now?"

My eyebrows furrowed. "You can see me?"

Jasper raised an eyebrow at me, looking at me like I was mad. "Of course, why wouldn't I be able to?" He laughed. "Good one, man. You've been staring at that boy since James and Laurent chased Bella off. Do you reckon we can take him now?"

"Take him where?"

"Carlisle," Jasper murmured, eyes wary. "What's wrong with you? First you think I can't see you when there is no clear reason otherwise why I would not be able to see you and now you do not remember what you told me merely hours ago? Are you well, sir?"

I chuckled and took my face in my hands. "I'm afraid that time takes a little more of my sanity with each fleeting second, Jasper. Be so kind and tell me what I told you those mere hours ago?"

He smiled gently, compassion deep in his eyes. He knew that all vampires suffered from little lapses of sanity every now and again. Yet mine used to be few and far between, now they occurred more often. Each day felt like a decade on my tiring mind. How did Bella cope with it? I could not imagine how her mind must have felt! Perhaps her youth and therefore inquisitive and curious nature helped her mind cope with the years. If anyone had been reading my thoughts at the time I stood in that bathroom, they would truly think I was insane. Perhaps I was.

"You went into our room with Laurent. You would not tell me of what you spoke of went you came out. You sat on the sofa and read your book while James and Laurent tried to scare Bella off. I tried to protect her but she would not let me near. They eventually chased her off. Not long afterward, just after we heard them hit the water, you came to me and said that we would save the boy by wrapping him in blankets and tying him to the wardrobe door. We would push the boy to America and take him to an inn. You also mentioned that we would have to be quick as the chill in the air outside could kill him as he is so vulnerable."

I took my head in my hands. What was I thinking? God! What choice did I have? If I saved the boy, it would kill both of them! My Bella... She couldn't die, not by my hand. Not by my doing! What had I done... If James didn't kill her, if she managed to get away from the one who was immune to her power... she would find the boy. She would find Edward with me and Jasper, and then the Volturi would take her, kill her, perhaps burn her at the stake like they used to. They would kill her mate too. A revengeful mate was never practical and just caused problems. They suffered terribly and were better off dead nonetheless.

If I left the boy to die, and Bella survived James' onslaught, she would perhaps find us again and never forgive me. Never forgive me for leaving her mate to drown...

God, what had I done?! Such a mess... And what of Laurent? There was something that that man was keeping from me. If our paths ever crossed again, which I was almost sure they would, I'd find out. Who was that man?

I nodded once to Jasper and he smiled gently. He came forward and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "This is what you do, Doctor. You save lives. However, the best thing is that this life will bring our Bella back to us. Perhaps not for a while, but someday... she'll come back. Perhaps you and I will have found mates ourselves by then and we'll be able to retell this hectic tale of so many years ago...

"We will punch a hole in the wall," I murmured. "No one will notice in the midst of the panic. Can you hear those screams and gunshots? You'd reckon that because humans love themselves so much that they wouldn't be as stupid as to not put enough lifeboats on a ship."

Jasper chuckled and led me out of the bathroom, our footsteps muffled by the sloshing water around our ankles. "Perhaps they'll learn from this catastrophe, my friend. They appear to learn from their mistakes much better than we do after all."

I smiled. "You are correct, of course. Come now, get to Bella's room and punch the hole there. From the angle of the tilt, that part of the ship should not have sunk below sea level as of yet. Quick sir, I beg you. I will take care of the boy. When you are done, gather our things. We shall place them on the door also. Hopefully they will not get too wet."

"Bella's too?"

"Of course."

"Yes sir."

Jasper walked into Bella's room and the door swung shut behind him. I quickly unplugged the bath, allowing the water to drain as I went at preternatural speed to fetch one of Jasper's suits. Both he and Edward looked about the same size, except Jasper was a few inches taller. Perhaps if Bella had not met him when he was so young, if he was older, this boy would be huge. I could tell from my training on the human skeleton that this boy was not finished growing yet. However, venom worked in mysterious ways. Perhaps it would quicken the changes puberty brought within the next few days, and his body would be that of an adult when he became a newborn.

Only time would tell.

I laid out a white shirt, pale grey waistcoat and matching tie, as well as an undershirt, drawers, socks, trousers, jacket, shoes and a coat. The boy would be well dressed on that horribly cold night. I went back to the bathroom, cradled the scalding creature in my arms, picked up a towel and carried him back to mine and Jasper's room. I laid him on my bed and towel dried him the best I could. Goose pimples quickly dotted his skin, reacting quickly with the cold. The sooner I got the boy dressed, the better. The last thing I wanted him to do was freeze to death.

I heard a sharp thud coming from the other room. The sound was metallic, like a rock hitting a sheet of iron with awesome force. I knew that it was Jasper knocking the wall out in the other room. There was also the brief sound of water rushing in. We were going to have to be quicker than I thought. The ship was sinking faster than expected. I grabbed the layers of blankets off my bed and wrapped them tightly around Edward, tying it gently yet tightly with white cord I'd found on the desk. I did the same again with Jasper's blankets and soon the boy was huddled nicely. Yet he still trembled so violently.

I glanced at the wardrobe in that room and shook my head. That would never be able to hold a man's weight. Perhaps the one in the master bedroom, Bella's room, would suffice. Jasper was walking into and from different rooms at supernatural speed, different items in his arms each time, I noticed as I walked from my room. Oh the joys of packing in a rush. I was a little glad that I didn't have to pack. It was always the one thing I couldn't stand when it came to that constant travelling. Perhaps now, though it was a sin to think, with Bella gone we could finally settle down somewhere in the north of America. We always had to move due to her diet, but now... we could settle.

Even the wardrobe in the master bedroom would not suffice; they simply were not big enough. However, my eyes slid slightly to side and noticed the decorative wooden paneling behind the headboard of the king sized bed. If I could pull one of the panels off, it would support Edward and all of our belongings. Jasper had gathered everything we and Bella owned and put it all on the bed. There couldn't be much more, and after estimating the weight of everything on the bed and the weight that the panel could support, I came to the conclusion that it would indeed be sufficient.

Without any further hesitation, I pulled the wooden panel off the wall with ease. I lay it on top of the water that was creeping further up my leg. Tying down our belongings to the piece of wood, I then went off to fetch Edward and he too was quickly secured. His face was a frightening shade of his red and his eyes were closed so very tight. I'd never seen a change occur before. The sight was something to behold. Frightening, painful, horrible... every negative word I knew seemed only to sufficiently describe the sight. There was no beauty in what I saw as I watched Edward's change occur. It seemed so very unnatural... and perhaps that was what we were. We were unnatural to the very core.

Jasper stood leaning against the doorframe when I turned around. He was watching me, his eyes focused on my own and for a moment, it felt as if we were connected. In that short moment, I felt what he felt and that feeling I shared with him. Both of us felt the same way about Bella's sudden departure. We loved the girl very much, perhaps I more than him as she was my maker, but we knew that we would be better off without her, for a while at least. She was our master, the reason behind our decisions, the itch behind every scratch... in some way, we were free. We could make our own decisions without being influenced by her constant need for excitement. Her eternal youth and curiosity would be absent from our lives and therefore, we could live peacefully.

And in that moment, I believed that I would be better off without that damned child, who chose a human over me.


End file.
